Close Calls: What are some times you dodged a potentially life altering bullet?

LReed's picture
Rank: Almost Human | 6,444

My drunken Uber conversation tonight lead to what I found to be a very compelling story, told by the Uber driver. He was really well spoken and witty and we got into a pretty in-depth conversation about finance jobs and financial markets.

Like many Uber drivers, this guy had a solid educational background and prior work experience in financial markets So, as all drunk Uber conversations go, I skirted around trying to figure out why exactly he was driving Uber. It turns out that he had previously been working a solid MO gig at a BB bank in a major city. That was until he allegedly got jumped "randomly" and "for no reason" and afterwards was found to have two tiny baggies of cocaine in his possession. Being black and in a southern city they immediately slapped him with the harshest sentence available, which was intent to distribute.

It made me start thinking about all of the dumb things I've one when I was young that I barely got off the hook for. Anyone got any close call stories or downright catastrophes that you managed to pull through with back in undergrad or the earlier years?

Example: When I was a freshman I remember one of my pledge brothers found a debit card that someone dropped on the floor of a bar. Being an intoxicated freshman that wanted to look cool and edgy he proceeded to buy a half dozen cookout trays with it after the bars closed, ftb. Unbeknownst to him, myself and the rest of the Cookout beneficiaries, we had committed a serious fraud. The card owner was able to track down the license plate of the pledges car who drove us and got a very severe threat from the owner of the card. Fortunately my buddy was able to talk his way out of it and claim he must have just mixed up debit cards while drunk at the bar, but the dude was talking serious legal action beforehand.

Comments (43)

Nov 3, 2017

Last time I went clubbing with friends in Spain, the night ended at around 5 AM with us literally getting chased back to our rental car by some guy who was drunk out of his mind and saying he was going to kill us because one of our friends danced with his wife. And then he stood aways in front of our car in the middle of the road, and we had to put our car in reverse, as he chases the car, and do a u-turn.

Definitely the biggest close call sort of experience I've had.

Nov 3, 2017

Well, when you go cutting a rug down at the place called The Jug with a girl named Linda Lou, you need to ask the husband to gimme three steps, gimme three steps mister, gimme three steps towards the door.

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Best Response
Nov 3, 2017

-Crashed a sport bike going 90 on a 25 drunk in the rain. Broke my neck and arm. Walked out of the hospital the next day. Threw away my neck brace because it was itchy. I refused medical care at first but they were like, 'Dude, if you don't come with us, you're going with the cops.' Apparently they can give you "failure to reduce speed" tickets based on skid mark length.
-OD'd on heroin, Xanax, and liquor. Collapsed lung, aspratory pneumonia, and kidney failure. Walked out in 5 days. I maintain that if no nosy fucks had called 911, I would have just woken up and taken a hot bath like always.
-OD'd on DXM and almost died for a minute there. BP got so low they couldn't stick a needle in my vein. Professed love to now-wife. Realized I'd be fine in the ambulance. Had deep talk with paramedic.
-Had almost $1M of hospital debt fully forgiven after making myself look poor on paper, writing a nice letter, and filling out some forms
-Got expelled from undergrad for a semester. Appealed it and they let me back in
-Robbed a bunch of drug dealers in my teenage years with no consequences
-Got some felonies selling a half pound of pot to bored undercovers. Got a lot dropped, all distribution charges dropped, and a super lenient expungeable probation
-Been pulled over obviously drunk a few times. Talked my way out of it.
-Fell asleep behind the wheel after staying up for 3 or 4 nights going like 25. Managed to cascade into four other cars. Got out of the car and the owner of one of the cars was apparently a lawyer about to become a judge, or so he said. He was a bro and told the cop a dog ran out in front of me and I wasn't ticketed. Insurance ended up paying me more than I bought the car for,
-Fucked a bunch of skanks bareback. Married a nice girl. STD-free cru
-Got arrested in Mexico for stealing a bunch of liquor from behind a bar then breaking into a private pool and drinking in the hot tub with strangers. When cops came, one was a lady and I incessantly invited her into the hot tub and refused to get out. Was received unpleasantly at first, but managed to crack enough jokes in broken Spanish that they bought me McDonald's and let me go with a 400 peso fine
-Flew from Costa Rica back home with a backpack full of codeine. It did not cross my mind at the time that this was an issue at all.
-Pissed off some gangsters in Ukraine by hitting on their ladies or sisters or moms or whatever at a club, I never got the full story, but they were quite upset and my uncle threw some money at them and we exited the area.

Probably more I'm forgetting. I was blacked out for a lot of life.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

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Nov 3, 2017

Lolololol!

Wanted to read back on your tinder thread but couldn't find it in your profile :(

Nov 3, 2017

Lmfao, funny shit man. Better to live an interesting life than a safe life imo. I had a pretty funny experience myself on xanax - managed to successfully outrun several police officers while barred out. My friend was smoking a cig on the back porch of our fraternity house and saw the whole thing. Some cops were lurking in our parking lot because they can't come into our property but can fuck underagers as soon as they step off the lot. So according to my friend I stumble out the back of the house and instantly cop lights start going off. The way he described it the only reason I was able to run between the three separate cops yelling at me was because I was so fucked up I was stumbling like a pin-ball and accidentally ran the perfect zig-zag route. Directly behind our house is the school's gym with a huge field and track so apparently after the initial pump fake the entire brotherhood was on the back porch watching me stumble, stagger and fall over while desperately sprinting away from three fat ass cops. Everyone was saying it was better than the Superbowl and people were making bets on if I'd make it or not.

All that and I still remember absolutely none of it.

    • 1
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Nov 4, 2017

Dude wtf, you have way more than 9 lives lol. Should seriously look into buying a lottery ticket or putting everything on red in the casino

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Nov 4, 2017

Tonight! On things that never happened.

You killed the Greece spread goes up, spread goes down, from Wall Street they all play like a freak, Goldman Sachs 'o beat.

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Nov 3, 2017

Lameos always think anything interesting has to be fake.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

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Nov 4, 2017

Weird, I've had some very similar experiences. Although not as robust.
[redacted]
- Breaking into hot tubs [redacted] Always gets the ladies topless. (one girl [redacted] her bra on but [redacted]
Good thing I have 9 more years of being a degenerate before I settle down.

"The only thing I know is that I know nothing, and i am no quite sure that i know that." Socrates

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Nov 3, 2017

@Bayoumonkey @GoldenCinderblock
I'm disappointed in both of you for drinking Robitussin. C'mon now yall.

Nov 3, 2017

I took 1.2 grams DXM immediately after sobering up from some heavy drinking. I think it's the alcohol that made it react weird. It was actually toward the end of the trip. I just started suddenly feeling myself growing weak, labored breathing. I felt like I needed nutrients immediately and yelled for a can of tuna and attempted to eat it. I lost strength to even sit and laid down on the floor. Felt blood draining from my limbs and going to my core. At this point, I asked to call 911. It's hard to describe but I felt like my memories were starting to leave. Like my brain was shutting down and I was becoming retarded. Blood pressure dropped super low and I went in and out of consciousness but eventually recovered.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

Nov 4, 2017

broooo. you're so lucky you're white.

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Nov 3, 2017

I love being white.
The key is being personable and charming and shit though. Being white isn't enough.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

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Nov 8, 2017

So this is what the SJWs mean by white privilege?

Nov 3, 2017

I always just thought I was arrogant

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

Nov 3, 2017

I just thought about it a bit more and yes, being white is dope, but consider this: I've made attempts to remedy all of my fuck-ups. It's sort of what I do. I fuck up and I fix it. I racked up a crippling amount of hospital debt. Most people would just let their credit get fucked or spend the rest of their lives on a payment plan. I explored all the options I could and figured out how to get it forgiven through hardship apps. Most people don't even know you can do that. I got expelled, but I appealed it and got let back in.

I got busted selling drugs, but I found a good lawyer, did all the right things in court, and completed my probation. The probation I had has a 5% completion rate. That means that 5% of the people who got the same break I did made something of it. Every single time I came in to see my PO, I saw the majority of sign-ins as "VP" (Violated Probation) instead of signatures. And I was fucking nice and charming to my PO. I made her like me and I went from high-risk to low-risk (only have to come in every 3 months) shortly. She would even tell me a month out when she was going to drug test me. I smoked weed most of probation, man. I just did it right.

So many people showed up to probation smelling like weed, wearing ghetto clothes, and were rude to their POs. So many people showed up the same way to court. I've seen the judge kick people out for answering calls while court was in session. Why show up at that point? I'm a fucking tatted up piece of shit too, but I shave my face and put on a dress shirt, some slacks, and some fucking cheap lace-ups for that shit. It makes a giant difference! It's not just skin color. I've seen white trash get shit on in court just like all the ghetto blacks. It really is how you present yourself and act so much more than the obvious skin color.

I realize one could make a very cogent argument that I'd be better off never having made those mistakes in the first place. But I disagree. Personally, I only learn from my own mistakes. And every mistake I've made, I've risen from the ashes better than before. I read a shit ton of books and I wish I could learn from others' mistakes like a wise bitch, but that's not me :/

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

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Nov 3, 2017

I just found some pics of that accident

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

Nov 3, 2017

I tried to hit and run but I had 3 fucking wheels

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

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Nov 3, 2017

Was bartending in my pre-banking life right out of college in Baltimore, other bartender im working with that night kicks this white trash dude out who refuses to go. Bouncer picks dude up and chucks him out, apparently the guy didn't appreciate that very much so he went back to his car and grabbed a gun, came back in and in his attempt to shoot the bouncer put two rounds about 6 inches from my head. Promptly quit that job with all the motivation ive ever need to do way better with my life.

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Nov 4, 2017

I was 16, driving with my friend in the mountains, hauling ass and on a turn the car hit some gravel and the car spun out going around a corner next to a cliff around a curve with no rail.

I steered into the curve and did a 180 into the other lane. I remember the whole event in slow motion. Luckily no cars were coming. It was absolutely nuts.

16 and invincible right - - -

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Nov 4, 2017

-

"The only thing I know is that I know nothing, and i am no quite sure that i know that." Socrates

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Nov 4, 2017

It's funny, it's all about perspective. I've lost 2 fairly coveted post undergrad jobs due to my immaturity, substance abuse, and inability to commit myself. I put myself severely behind in both my professional and personal life. My close calls aren't about my past mistakes, the close calls were the jobs.

I now work in a position I would have never thought possible coming from a non-target undergrad, and I doubt I would have got here if I didn't completely fuck up the other two career paths. My mistakes gave me something I previously didn't have, anger and hunger. Now, it's quite comical to read posts from kids stressing about the lack of SA/FT offers they have and the perceived injustice of the job search process, and I think it's okay to laugh because I used to be that dumb kid too.

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Nov 4, 2017

congrats man. I could use some motivation after a rough start to my career. Care to tell your story?

Nov 4, 2017

Hey Gridiron, would love to share, but might PM you so I'm not identified. Apologies for seeming extremely ego-centric, but with my story, even if i changed details/locations, anyone from my hometown would identify me in a heartbeat.

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Nov 4, 2017

At my private high school, there were two best friends that were both middle class from a nice but tough middle class suburb (type of place where two white kids will fist fight each other after school in the parking lot of a home depot.) Both their parents were blue collar and teachers/school nurses. These kids were were best friends because they were the two captains of their sport teams. One kid went to a HYPS for college for his sport, and the other kid was committed to Harvard for that sport. The Harvard kid ended up getting expelled for two infractions. The first one for first fighting in school, and the second one for smoking weed in his car near the school. He got expelled as a senior in high school and got his Harvard acceptance rescinded. Ended up going to community college for one year and then transferred thanks to his sport to our flagship state school. Got some girl pregnant as a 21 year old, and dropped out of school. He's now finishing up his degree at a third tier sattelite state school near his home to be with his kid.
The other best friend that also went to a HYPS is a second year associate in S&T at a GS/MS/JPM making $200k+.

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Nov 9, 2017

Looks like a dropout guy is still young, already has a family/kid, and is on a track to get a degree. Not a bad life, he has all chances to be happy.
Nothing to say about second one.
Don't measure the life by a paycheck.

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Nov 4, 2017

Got a gun pulled on me after I pissed off a drug dealer in Mexico. Definitely my fault, but made it out without too much of a problem

Nov 5, 2017

I typically think of myself as unlucky since I've gotten fucked over a lot lately, but this got me reflecting and come to think of it, I got really, really fucking lucky in high school (and somewhat less so in college when I wisened up and didn't let myself get put in shitty situations):

I got T-boned by a drunk driver in a pick-up truck. Hit me Driver's side hood going 45-50mph and didn't break. I spun around in the middle of an intersection and crashed into another car. Totaled my BMW but I didn't have a scratch. Could've easily died or been paralyzed if I didn't have such a solidly built car and get super fucking lucky.

I was once wrongly accused of a very serious crime that my best friend was sort of guilty of. I went to a magistrate's hearing since I was a minor, but I didn't want to snitch on him. One of the cops there did me a huge fucking solid and checked the girl who accused us out and grilled her and the night before the hearing she had admitted she'd lied to avoid getting arrested for drugs. Everything dropped and no court record since a magistrate's hearing.

In high school (I went to a top 10 elite private school) I rocked a kid in the middle of the cafeteria and broke his nose. He was bleeding everywhere and half the school saw it. We had a zero tolerance policy for violence. Idk how I talked my way out of that one but I did. Went to counseling for two weeks and that was it. No punishment, no record.

I was once robbed at gunpoint. Really fucking scary but could've easily gone a different way given where I was and what was happening.

In college, I got super fucked up chugging 3/4 of a handle on a half a bar and blacked out I ended up going home, falling out of bed and cracking my head open. I woke up covered in blood (and boot unfortunately) and with a nasty cut and a concussion. Could've easily been way worse and my concussion could've been much worse. I was in no condition to get medical condition and on my own, so I could've died really.

I had a life-threatening illness throughout my childhood. Was really tough and it really fucked me up for a long time. Used to think of myself as really unlucky, but in reality, I knew kids who had it way worse. I lived in the hospital for a couple of months at a time, and I saw me hospital floor neighbors die. I remember one 10year old kid who I played catch with in the hallways. Died a week before I go out from brain cancer. I'm unbelievably lucky to be healthy now.

I drunk drove a lot for a while when some really fucked up shit was going on in my life and I felt I needed to. Every time I got into the car, I could've hurt myself or somebody else, or I could've gotten pulled over and had my life ruined. Never happened, although I once did crash my car when really high but I was able to leave it sort of parked enough, catch a cab home, and then get it the next morning.

I also used to shoplift in high school for sport. It was a huge rush and I used to like to see how much shit I could steal, even if I often ended up giving it away to charity or stuff. I just liked to see if I could get away with it. For a while, every time I walked into a store I wanted to do it. Even if I was going to buy all the shit I needed, I would steal something just because fuck it. I could. Obviously I could've easily been arrested which would've ruined my life.

So yeah, that stuff, and the little things that don't even occur to me. I've been lucky quite a few times, even though I like to think sometimes it's being in a non-compromising position, any one of these could've set me back quite a bit if not ended my life.

Nov 3, 2017

Oh, I totally forgot about my shoplifting phase in high school. I got a huge rush from it. Then I started just taking stuff every time I went to the store -- phone cases, school supplies, eye drops, etc. I remember one time I walked out of a store with a few full-sized fish in a bag, just for shits.

I went to a pretty good high school, so when people would talk about what I did, they would go on and on about how crazy I was, and I guess I liked the attention at the time. And I remember a couple times, we couldn't find any of our upperclassmen friends to buy alcohol for us, so I would take bottles from stores and just walk out with them.

Really thankful I never got caught. That would have really ruined my life, and I have no idea what I was thinking looking back on that.

Nov 3, 2017
SmartThinker:

eye drops

Classic

Nov 5, 2017

Lol sounds like yours was more serious than mine. I never stole a few whole fish and I don't think I ever robbed a liquor store. I liked basic shit like CVS, Home Depot, high-end clothing stores, etc. oh and I always ate the sushi at the whole foods while I shopped and threw out the container - actually, I still do that....shhhhh....

Nov 5, 2017

-Dea pulled me and my friends over in HS, in attempt to find some dealer at my school. We also had a couple pounds of bud on us. We where also high af while this was happening. My friend somehow was related to one of the agents who let us go lol. He was white btw, thats my bro. We all pretty much almost went to jail.
- My friend had a glock in his bag, asked me to hold it in the middle of a lecture. I never ratted him out or took it.
- After a hotbox sesh, my friend drove 9 of us in a 2002 corolla up the wrong side of a one way. if any other car was coming we all would have died.
- got too drunk in the Dominican republic and fell off my cousins boat (i cant swim)
- When i went to a uni in a bad area, on my first day i parked in front of some blood's house. They came out and tried to jump me (I run track)
- Was walking my first gf back to her house at night, i was so in love with her i was too busy staring at her. A car was coming straight at me, which almost hit me, but she grabbed me an inch away.
- Went back to my parent's country, a small south American jungle/gun range. Some bandits tried to kidnap me and my father. My uncle is a politcal opponent of the countries PM. We got away because you can bribe literally anyone after doing anything.

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Nov 6, 2017

after reading Goldie's comment i realize mine are pretty tame

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Nov 9, 2017

Not quite Goldie level but:

  • I can't count the number of times I got into a car while drunk to go find cocaine. Never got a DUI or crashed. The worst one was a snowy night where I remember spinning my car a couple times on a 4 lane highway. I think I ended up facing the wrong direction but just turned around and kept going.
  • At one point, I owed some money to a coke dealer. He threatened to assault me at a club, but didn't want to make a scene so said he'd find me where I lived instead. He spent the whole night calling me/threatening me but couldn't find my house.
  • I also proposed a threesome with a drug dealer and his gf while tweaked on MDMA. He got pissed so I left the party. He chased after me with the intent of curb stomping me, but went in the complete opposite direction. (We ended up becoming friends)
  • Got punched in the face at a Hell's Angels den - apparently I upset a younger full-patch member because I was chatting it up with some hottie. I was able to escape before things got any worse.
  • Crashed my motorcycle. Low-sided on a tight corner and proceeded to slide in front of a city bus going in the same direction. I ended up nailing a bunch of those sand-filled buckets instead of the concrete barrier. No broken bones.

All my troubles with cocaine eventually led me to become a Christian. In retrospect, I'm convinced that I'd be dead if God wasn't watching over me.

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Nov 10, 2017

-Going 80 in a 55 drunk on the highway late night came up to a guy broken down in the middle of the road with no lights on waving frantically for me to get out of the way. Jerked wheel far left then right turning a full 180 degrees to come to a full stop in the shoulder facing the other direction. Car was a stick shift so I stalled out. Got out of the car, walked in front and leaned against the hood to catch my breath. Saw police lights coming up so got back in my car, pulled a u turn and kept going.

-Driving drunk to my parents house from my buddy's place in the city on the night of my 22nd birthday. Decided it would be fun to drive up this hill in reverse. Nailed some ladies car who was parked on the street. She woke up and yelled out her window, "What happened?" I responded "I'm sorry I've hit your car." She said "I'll be down in a second." After re-examining the situation, I had absolutely no idea how I was going to explain hitting the rear of her car with the rear of my car when it was parked on the right side of the street. Got back in my car with a completely destroyed rear fender and drove all the way back to my buddy's place in the city. His door was locked so I had to jump a bunch of back fences to get back into his house. Slept for a few hours then woke up and called the insurance company and said my car had been hit in the night while parked. Insurance wrote it off and gave us the car's value. Rebuilt the fender myself for 1/3 of what they gave us for the car.

-Massive bar fight in college, buddy of mine punches a kid talking shit in the back of the head. Kid collapses in the middle of the street and ends up having to get taken to the hospital almost dying as a result of bleeding in his skull. Neurosurgeons saved him. Police use security cameras to identify me and a suspect (whom they charge with assault), coincidentally, a completely different buddy of mine who was in the fight but nowhere near the kid when he got hit. I tell them they've got the wrong guy (without identifying the buddy who did hit him) but that i don't know the guy whom they've charged with assault. During the investigation, the police subpoena my facebook and see that i've had communication with the suspect in the past so charge me with lying to a police office. Show up to court, police officer does not, prosecuting attorney tries to get the date rescheduled but judge is not having it and drops the charges. Guy they charged, who was black out that night, ends up pleading to the assault charge and getting kicked out of school. Fast forward 8-9 months later, kid that got hit ends up dying from injury related to the trauma from the hit. My buddy is charged with manslaughter but works out a deal so he doesn't serve any time.

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Nov 10, 2017
<span class=keyword_link><a href=http://tinyurl.com/3ho2nmo target=_blank rel=nofollow>Draper</a></span> Specter and Co.:

-Going 80 in a 55 drunk on the highway late night came up to a guy broken down in the middle of the road with no lights on waving frantically for me to get out of the way. Jerked wheel far left then right turning a full 180 degrees to come to a full stop in the shoulder facing the other direction. Car was a stick shift so I stalled out. Got out of the car, walked in front and leaned against the hood to catch my breath. Saw police lights coming up so got back in my car, pulled a u turn and kept going.

-Driving drunk to my parents house from my buddy's place in the city on the night of my 22nd birthday. Decided it would be fun to drive up this hill in reverse. Nailed some ladies car who was parked on the street. She woke up and yelled out her window, "What happened?" I responded "I'm sorry I've hit your car." She said "I'll be down in a second." After re-examining the situation, I had absolutely no idea how I was going to explain hitting the rear of her car with the rear of my car when it was parked on the right side of the street. Got back in my car with a completely destroyed rear fender and drove all the way back to my buddy's place in the city. His door was locked so I had to jump a bunch of back fences to get back into his house. Slept for a few hours then woke up and called the insurance company and said my car had been hit in the night while parked. Insurance wrote it off and gave us the car's value. Rebuilt the fender myself for 1/3 of what they gave us for the car.

-Massive bar fight in college, buddy of mine punches a kid talking shit in the back of the head. Kid collapses in the middle of the street and ends up having to get taken to the hospital almost dying as a result of bleeding in his skull. Neurosurgeons saved him. Police use security cameras to identify me and a suspect (whom they charge with assault), coincidentally, a completely different buddy of mine who was in the fight but nowhere near the kid when he got hit. I tell them they've got the wrong guy (without identifying the buddy who did hit him) but that i don't know the guy whom they've charged with assault. During the investigation, the police subpoena my facebook and see that i've had communication with the suspect in the past so charge me with lying to a police office. Show up to court, police officer does not, prosecuting attorney tries to get the date rescheduled but judge is not having it and drops the charges. Guy they charged, who was black out that night, ends up pleading to the assault charge and getting kicked out of school. Fast forward 8-9 months later, kid that got hit ends up dying from injury related to the trauma from the hit. My buddy is charged with manslaughter but works out a deal so he doesn't serve any time.

That last paragraph pisses me off. Your buddy should have served at least 5-10 years in prison. Unreal.

Nov 10, 2017

Why should he have served 5-10 years?

1) He didn't do it (judge didn't know that but karma should at least give him credit there)
2) The kid was involved in the fight as well (started it really, he was chirping quite alot)

He already had to pay some outrageous fines. He has a felony conviction on his record for life. I'd say he suffered enough for "allegedly" having thrown a punch that hit some guy in the wrong place.

Mar 18, 2018

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