Cover Letter Help for Non-Traditional Background from Target

Could someone critique my cover letter? I'm coming from a non-traditional background so I figure it will be more important than usual because people will read my resume and think "Why is this guy applying here?"

https://imgur.com/n7Xchsq
Paragraph 1 is intro, why consulting/career switch, why this particular firm, name drop people I've networked with. Paragraph 2 is outlining my most recent/relevant piece of experience from my resume and outlining transferable skills. Paragraph 3 is less relevant experiences but outlining transferable skills as well. Paragraph 4 is my closing.

I just looked at the cover letter of someone in a similar situation as me and his goes in a different direction. Paragraph 1 is introduction plus "I believe I have the transferable skills to succeed". Paragraph 2 is a more detailed account of why he switched and introducing his recent more business focused roles. Paragraph 3 is how his skills translate. Paragraph 4 is closing by saying how he knows he doesn't have a business background but he has the desire to learn to make the switch. He never really name drops anything (people, companies, etc) and just focused on shit like his personal journey.

Which direction is better for someone who has gone from scientific research to industry research to industry operations and now wants to do consulting?

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Sep 21, 2017
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