CU Happy Hour - The Rum House, Thur. Sept. 6

Eds. Note: This was a co-written write up between me and InTheFlesh. Seeing as we were the only two people there, it kind of made sense to co-write it as not everything there could be appropriately described from just my perspective or his.

So last night’s Certified User Happy Hour was a bust. I got to the Rum House and only ITF was there. So great, just the two of us; oh well – it is what it is. Seriously, the next time we try to get a Certified User Happy Hour going, we (whomever plans the event next time) need to plan it better with more notice I think this gives us a bit of an idea on planning these things going forward is a great learning experience in order to get a better turn off. It's a good sign too - because I'd rather the first one turn out to be a giant bust as opposed to a huge success because it gives us room to grow on. I guess it's now time to start planning one for October that everyone can attend so we can get this right and turn it into a monthly thing. I think it can turn into a great way to get the Certified User Community out to have some fun without the fear of having everyone else show up to pass out resumes and the like. How does something like October 11th or 18th sound?

Anyways... enough chatting about what we can do going forward and more about the rest of the night!

Personally, I happen to think the Rum House is a great spot and is worth checking out regardless. It’s got a hell of a rum selection and good drinks to be had. We go in and grab a seat at one of the tables and lo and behold, we’re surrounded by Trojans. We’re surrounded by a bunch of USC alums and the lot of ‘em were just awful. They were not cool with the concept of keeping boundaries and allowing people to have personal space. It was just not fun to be around them. So, we order our drinks and the waitress is chatting idly with us, bitching about the group from USC – it’s a good sign to not piss off the waitress, especially as a large group – and her bitching to the two of us kept us in her good graces and made us come off as better patrons to have. So, I’m talking with ITF, trying to figure out who is here for WSO and who is here for USC and the USC group keeps getting a bit more obnoxious as every moment passes. So, I start making slightly loud, snide comments about Trojans football every chance I get while Flesh is just like don’t do it. There was one guy that just stood out – the guy in the Bill Nye Bowtie – as he was the group’s leader. Wherever he went, the herd followed, and that was a great thing because…

Finally the USC group leaves and it’s still just the two of us. So we move across the bar and we hang out, a few random USC stragglers come in and we tell them that the USC group has gone, and we’re just shooting the shit about your Douglas Adams type questions – Life, The Universe and Everything – and just hanging out, enjoying drinks shooting the shit. Then, the worst thing ever happened - the cunttastic group of douchenozzles came back. At first, it was the Bill Nye bowtie guy and then our spot where we moved to was invaded by those bastards who wouldn’t shut up about USC. I mean seriously, they refused to give us any space, thought it was their right to stand over us and over like we weren’t there and they made us feel very uncomfortable. It was not cool. Flesh and I realized that at 10:30 it was time to bounce, so we closed our tab and made our way of the Rum House, away from the cutwaffles from USC and on to Times Square…

And Cue Flesh...

After escaping from the Rum House that had sadly been turned into a USC douchenozzle factory (complete with the hovering, creepy old men and all), we wandered around Times Square for a bit and began philosophizing. Understand that although Frieds holds no relevant license or professional certification for such, he is quite simply an excellent psychologist.

His prescriptions frequently involve imbibement of some excellent liquor followed by a strong dose of, “You already fucking know what the answer is.” Even a complicated situation with the ladies can be condensed effectively by this diagnosis. For this, I thank him. I also thank him for clearly pronouncing upon my request, "I, Frieds, am most definitely not an alcoholic."

As we made our way through the Bryant Park area, a philosophizing Frieds decided it would be a brilliant idea if there was a bar in Bryant Park. Quite naturally, we saw that there was and wound up enjoying a beer outside, surrounded by a typical NYC crowd, including some burned-out monkeys probably trying to escape from BofA tower right next door.

ITF being who I am, my attention is naturally drawn from our valuable discussion on ladies and beer to the cute Asian chick sitting at the table next to us with her date, an aging, effusive hipster who simply would not shut up about himself long enough to notice that HE WAS BEING OUTDRUNK BY HIS GIRL. A cursory glance at the levels of golden elixir in their glasses showed the shy Asian girl well ahead of him in alcohol. Gentlemen, if you’re taking a girl to a bar, this is a big no-no.

Frieds and I were so flabbergasted that we began loudly observing the following things, bonus points if you’re able to guess who said what:

“Looks like Scott Pilgrim Evil Ex-Boyfriend Number 1 thinks he’s getting’ lucky tonight!”

“Maybe if he shut his mouth long enough to quaff his beer for a bit, he wouldn’t be so far behind.”

“You know, wearing all black and trying to sport a bad goatee is a sure sign that you are desperately trying to forget how much your life sucks.”

“I’m surprised she hasn’t ripped off your watch and whipped him across the face with it until he bleeds.”

Not sure if either of them noticed. Granted, seeing as this was Frieds and I, some feminine perspective on the situation would have been much appreciated to balance it all out. Either way, it was very clear that Frieds and I left NYC that night feeling much happier and more fulfilled than that poor Asian girl who sat next to us. Clearly, she needed a rescue attempt.