Long story short, my wife and I have been serious marital issues and the thought of a divorce has come up several times and its now to the point where I am seriously considering it. We have tried everything and it is just not working.
I will be starting as a FT Associate at an EB this summer and I am concerned that the divorce proceedings might take away valuable time at work which as a new associate I cannot afford. I am not willing to put much of a fight over property and joint accounts but I do want to play a big role in the life of my son.
I would greatly appreciate if someone who has been in this situation share their thoughts and/or experiences
-Do you have a lawyer? -How long has she had her lawyer? -Is this a peaceful split or chaotic? -What is your living situation do you rent or own a home? Who's name is the home in? -How much dirt can they get on you? (i.e. Infidelity, Drugs, Alcohol, Felonies and or Misdemeanors, etc.) -Given that you currently work banking hours, how much time do you honestly spend with your son?
1) I know it seems a little cold-hearted but in my own personal experience and what I've seen of my friends, women will try to take everything they can from you if for nothing more than to validate themselves. You need to get a lawyer with experience in this to help you through this.
2) How are you currently handling custody of your son? Don't give her a second more time than what you've already agreed to because she'll take it and never give it back. Its similar to an escort (once her price drops it's not going back up).
3) Give me the answers to the other questions and I could be more helpful
haven't been through this process myself but have advised people on it. I'd be shocked if one of your higher ups hasn't been through the same process. if I were in your shoes, I'd try your best to compartmentalize work and home, and only bring it up to your superiors if it requires missing work or if your work product is suffering.
divorce will suck, but I think you already know that so no need to put salt in the wound. the best outcomes I've seen are those where the father attempts to spend as much time as possible with the kid, never talks bad about the mother to the kid, and makes a fair offer. personally, I'd offer the vast majority of my assets, child support until 18, but no alimony. they'll likely counter and ask for college to be paid, which is fine, maybe she gets the house, but the point is you need to be the bigger person and realize that one of two things could happen: you suck it up, offer the world, she accepts, and you move on with your lives in a co-parenting arrangement. or, you try to get out cheap, the fight drags on, your son wises up, and perhaps resents you (if you're working all the time, chances are he'll be with the mom most of the time)
also, if you're still living with her, be very careful, some attorneys convince women to fabricate instances of abuse. I personally wouldn't stay at home, and I also would take an inventory of all of my stuff.
another idea: the IRS allows you to gift $15k/year to any person tax free. if your siblings/parents are trustworthy, park some assets with them. also, if you have the cash, superfund your son's 529 with a 5y contribution of 75k (IRS allows you do to 5x the annual gift exclusion into a 529, just can't contribute for the next 5y). I doubt she'll want the assets that are in the kid's name, and making gifts up to the annual exclusion amount isn't tax reportable. as always, check with your attorney on this.
I can’t wait for the “i have ass warts, will this impact my job” post.
Yeah Bro, getting divorced will probably impact your life. Who the fuck asks this obvious question?
Thanks for the feedback. Just to give more context, she was not born and raised in this country and I had to sponsor her to get here in this country.
She was once married before to a U.S. citizen but because the paperwork fell through and she could not enter the country, they ended up getting a divorce. Now her sister came in on a visit visa and got married within 10 days of her arrival so she can also stay in the U.S.
Also Child Protective Service has come to our house as she put the child in harm multiple times. She sent me to the hospital with multiple injuries (being a man I did not hit her) the cops told me I should press charges but I did not. Now she tried calling the cops on my parents and that was the last straw for me.
how is the house titled? if you titled it jointly, it's marital property. also, if you'd been making mortgage payments since the marriage, the equity could be considered marital property. the only chance you have on that is if the house was free and clear pre-marriage.
get an attorney, sorry for you bro
Lmao, you're a simp smh. Good luck but you certainly missed a bunch of DO NOT MARRY THIS CHIC signals.
This is the simp repository. I tell myself these people are troll because I pray this industry isn’t made up of hardcore gimps.
So you had to sponsor her to keep her in this country and based on the info you shared it sounds like she's been a bit of a bitch. I'm sorry but she got you fam, she played you. I've seen this story play out before. You didn't see a red flag when she told you she was married before to a US citizen for sponsoring purposes? Get a lawyer, communicate/spend time with your kid as much as possible and be honest with him. You can make that money and shit back, take it as an expensive lesson learned. Good luck.
maybe he didn't know she was previously married for sponsoring purposes only until they got married. i personally know of a case like that and the wife had to emotionally accept. brutal and unlucky. sorry man, hope all goes well.
Colombian?
One phone call to ICE takes care of all of this. Also leave a trail of radical posts on her social media..
These are just ideas
I hope the best for you and even though it sounds like you made a bad move, don’t let all these assholes make you feel even worse. I’m sure you’d do it different now. Everyone has to learn one way or another.
This is exactly why I literally don’t give two shits if I get married, ESPECIALLY in today’s day in age with social media etc relationships just don’t seem to be, and hold up, like they used to. I’ll keep all my money for myself before I get tricked by some dumb bitch. No rush to marriage for me!
Relationships have not changed one bit, it's just that with social media and the ever-increasing freedom of expression, things are more likely to come out in the open.
I get what you’re saying, but I disagree to an extent. Social media makes it much easier to cheat, you’re constantly comparing your relationship to everyone else’s, trying to have that “same image” as all the “perfect couples” idk. I def feel like social media adds an additional obstacle to today’s relationships.
Take the infidelity site Ashley Madison for example, if the temptation is there I feel like you’re much more likely to act on it when it’s literally 100 times easier to cheat
.
Men are as faithful as their options. Prenup and never, ever mix finances.
it sounds like you would be relieved if she accidentally overdosed...not suggesting anything illegal...but given that state of mind (well, thats how i would feel) i suggest you ask your attorney for the most aggressive tactics permissible by law.
Since she "hacked" your online accounts, you must assume that she will go the crazy route (remember "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"). Scorned women don't play by the rules...they go for the jugular, and they don't think about the consequences of their actions...when push comes to shove, she will use every manipulation tactic in the book.
So be warned, get all your ducks lined up in a row, and in haste....
Goodluck brother. Hire a good lawyer and do everything in your power to spend as much time as possible with your son.
Good luck.
I'm not going to sit here and play armchair lawyer but I will tell you this and you should run this by your attorney.
No one has mentioned the fact that your income will change between now and Summer. Your current income (whatever it may be) will dictate how much support she gets and how much you'll pay in child support. So for both the sake of income AND for the sake of your new job, it behooves you to button that down between now and summer. Get all those items to be based on your CURRENT income, not your future. She can go back to court after you start in Summer to seek an adjustment, but do it now to put the onus on her and not you.
You may consult with great Singapore lawyers at "Tan Lee and Choo" a top law firm of Singapore Est in 1972
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