How do you actually make friends ?

I'm a sophomore in college , moved here form a different country during sophomore year of my high school , even though I've had success in education and getting a good job as a college student , one thing I never was able to do in the US is making friends . Like I know a lot of people but I wouldn't call them my friends , nor will they I think . It's not like I'm weird or anything but for some reason its just seems like everyone has enough friends and they don't want anymore .
People always say oh like just go and make friends but HOW? Like what you do .
It seems like everyone else in college meets someone and boom they are best friends but idk now it's been over 5 years and I never had a true friendship and now I'm really staring to feel it as sometimes I really need someone to talk to because you can't share everyone with your family .

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Comments (20)

Funniest
Dec 6, 2021 - 2:59am

ibmoneky

I'm a sophomore in college , moved here form a different country during sophomore year of my high school , even though I've had success in education and getting a good job as a college student , one thing I never was able to do in the US is making friends . Like I know a lot of people but I wouldn't call them my friends , nor will they I think . It's not like I'm weird or anything but for some reason its just seems like everyone has enough friends and they don't want anymore .
People always say oh like just go and make friends but HOW? Like what you do .
It seems like everyone else in college meets someone and boom they are best friends but idk now it's been over 5 years and I never had a true friendship and now I'm really staring to feel it as sometimes I really need someone to talk to because you can't share everyone with your family .

dude - stop putting spaces before commas and periods.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 10
Dec 6, 2021 - 3:22am

When I look at your post history, I see a young person with ambition, but also someone who carries a lot of the anxieties that come with that. 
You say you moved "here" from another place. Depending on how large your university is, it may actually have a student organization / student union for international students or students who come from your country or region of origin. Those might be a decent place to start as far as finding people.

You have classes with people as well. Strike up a conversation with someone about how the class is going. I find that a lot of people just want someone to vent to on how much they like or dislike this thing or that about a class (I'm not really that way). 

If you live on-campus, there's that whole dynamic and the events that come with that. Find someone who plays Super Smash Bros. or something. There's somebody for just about everybody. Cheers

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Most Helpful
Dec 6, 2021 - 10:12am

https://www.forbes.com/sites/francesbridges/2018/02/07/10-ways-to-make-…

the biggest thing most people get wrong is the talking part. I forget if it was Zeno or Epictetus, but someone said we have two ears and one mouth so you should listen twice as much as you speak. too many young people (I was this way) put great value on being right or being understood unsolicited, stop it. ask questions, get to really know people without inserting your own opinion, and as hard as this may be, keep your opinions to yourself initially except when solicited OR when it's in agreement with the other person before you flip it back to them (e.g. "oh! I've been there, it was a great experience, what'd you do while there?")

beyond that, have hobbies and interests, be a good friend (show up on time, be polite, have a sense of humor, call/text people back, don't hit on someone's SO, easy stuff)

if you become a good conversationalist, you'll get invited to stuff and your friend network will blossom

however, like all relationships, they need to be attended to, so if your friends become longer distance due to jobs, make the effort to reach out to people you care about, find out what's going on in their lives

Dec 6, 2021 - 11:44am

An easy trick is to make group chats for 'studying' or whatever the first week of your new classes. Try to talk up as much people as possible and start a groupme and invite people out to starbucks or the library to study for quizzes and tests. You'll find it pretty fun and a lax way to get to know each other, this helped me alot in getting to know people as I transferred schools extremely late and everyone's friend groups were already formed. You being a sophomore isn't too bad, so I wouldn't worry.

EDIT: also this is one mistake I made, (this is going to come off more dramatic that it should be lol) but relaize you're gonna have to put in 99% of the effort if you want to get in their social circle and do fun shit with them with. In their perspective, they already have their friends and stuff, why would they need to initiate and reach out to you? So just be direct with them once you feel yall click, ask them what the weekend move is, friday plans, fun things they do on the weekends, etc. 

Dec 6, 2021 - 10:19pm

The other day I went to a bar during lunch because it was one of those days. It wasn't very busy and I sat at the booth where the waitress/bartender took my order. She asked me how my day was going. I tell its okay can't wait for the weekend and she asks what my plans are. So, I tell her my plans. They are bullshit of course, I didn't have any plans and i was going to sit in playing video games, but I tell her I was planning on riding a paramotor (google it) and i explain to her what that is. She tells me that sounds fun. Then she tells me her plans. They're better than my real plans but she sounded excited about para motoring so I told her that one of my friends had dipped - i have no friends, i lied- and told her she should come check it out. You seem pretty interested, and honestly its awesome, my friend dipped you should come do it with me its always more fun with another person. She agrees and we exchange info.

I meet up with her on Saturday at an undisclosed location. We do what we were going to do. We go out to lunch and end up walking along a river up and up a small peak. We talked about the James Bond movie that just came out. I hadn't seen it and really wanted to watch it, so this time she invites me. We split then meet up later. We're going to hang out again this week.

Go, Go, Excel

  • 3
Dec 7, 2021 - 12:13am

It all about finding common ground. Get out there and join clubs, talk to your classmates, hit the gym, etc. I'd say rush but you don't seem like the greek life type. Don't procrastinate on getting your name out either, cause if you're having trouble making friends now wait until post-grad when you're an adult -- it gets exponentially more challenging. College is the last time you share an environment with people your age who may have similar interests as you. Take advantage of this before you're looking back in time saying 'what if'

Dec 7, 2021 - 9:14am

You're in college, right ?

Go to bars and parties hosted by your uni, and drink with people...

Join student clubs. 
 

after class, ask your neighbours to go for lunch or coffee. 
 

Start adding people on social media

Go for after work drinks with your coworkers 

Go on dating apps

Dec 8, 2021 - 3:59am

I've had a lot of friends from outside the US and understand it can be very difficult. A lot of kids in college make friends with people they have a similar background with (hence why different fraternities have different stereotypes). My best advice would be to offer value in some way. Whether that's in class/homework, humor, perspective, bar hopping, whatever, people naturally don't want to spend time on people unless they have a reason to. 

Dec 11, 2021 - 1:41pm

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