How do your roommates/apartment-mates contribute to your social life?

aaabbc's picture
Rank: Baboon | 107

I asked this because I'm a senior in college, moving to NYC this summer and curious about what adult life is like with regards to roommates. my dilemma: I'm deciding to live between two friends from college, let's call them A and B. I'm not as close to A and more comfortable with B; A comes from different background than me (A is much more well off), is more social and fun to hang out with, but I'd say I know more people from B's friend group and would get along with them better since we're pretty much from the same socioeconomic background. All of us are working in finance/consulting.

From college I've learned that the people you live with are a big part of your social life. You go out with them, their friends become your friends. Truth be told, I dislike my suitemates in college because they're antisocial and not very fun. In fact I recently realized I don't like most the friends I made in college that much because I don't feel inspired or motivated by them. my lackluster social life is partly my fault since I mostly kept to myself and could've been a lot more socially outgoing in college. I wish to change that after college, so I want to be more strategic about my roommate selection. For that reason, I'd lean more toward A. Do you think your roommates plays a role in your social life once you start working? Am I overemphasizing it? do you make friends elsewhere?

EDIT: thanks for the replies. Also, maybe I should've clarified, I'm a girl and so are the people I mentioned haha wonder if that would change any dynamic besides the obvious fact that we won't need to worry about picking up girls at bars/clubs...

Comments (21)

Apr 9, 2018

bumpp

Apr 9, 2018

Yeah, definitely.

When I first moved to NYC, I moved in with two french chicks. It was a really small place so we didn't have a lot of people over. They were ok. I went to Brazil with one of them, the other one had some kind of anxiety problems and I think was really pissed at me because I wouldn't hook up with her.

Then I moved in with three guy friends in a massive (NYC standards) 4 BR in the East Village. Damn, that place was awesome. Huge TV room/Living room. We had tons of parties there and had a roof deck as well.

Then two guys moved out and we decided to exclusively select chicks to move in, so I posted a long ad on craigslist and we had these two hot chicks move in, which was a whooollleee 'nother chapter...

But, yeah great roommates can be everything. I had roommates for years, but when I turned 32, I really needed my own space and have been living alone for three years. My cooking is a big factor. I generally cook all the time at odd hours and stuff and it gets annoying for roommates if the house/apt isn't setup to block kitchen noises.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Best Response
Apr 10, 2018
Isaiah_53_5:

the other one had some kind of anxiety problems and I think was really pissed at me because I wouldn't hook up with her.

I wish that was my default reasoning for why a girl would be angry with me.

Also, she was probably angry at you because you spent too much time in the bathroom taking mirror selfies.

    • 16
Apr 11, 2018

lol he's never gonna live that down is he

    • 5
Apr 12, 2018

Did you take mirror selfies the whole time?

    • 1
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Apr 10, 2018

Can you not get a 3 BR with both of them? Your rent should be much better too

Apr 9, 2018

unfortunately that's not an option because A and B don't know each other and I can foresee problems between them if they lived together due to their living style and preferences etc

Apr 11, 2018

While a social roommate can be helpful, I'd be thinking more about who is going to be easier to live with. If all 3 of you are going to be in the same city, you can still enjoy the social aspects of A while living with B (if B is easier to live with). Logistics could be a hassle depending on how far away y'all are from each other, but it's something to keep in mind.

You can make friends through hobbies, gym, work, and so on. Also, sounds like you may have some alum/friends in the area already.

Apr 9, 2018

this is really helpful to know, thank you!
i hope we'll still find time to hang out and be social with our hours lol

Apr 12, 2018
LeChiffre:

While a social roommate can be helpful, I'd be thinking more about who is going to be easier to live with. If all 3 of you are going to be in the same city, you can still enjoy the social aspects of A while living with B (if B is easier to live with). Logistics could be a hassle depending on how far away y'all are from each other, but it's something to keep in mind.

You can make friends through hobbies, gym, work, and so on. Also, sounds like you may have some alum/friends in the area already.

I would think about this in the exact opposite way. You are closer with B and can alway hang out, but A will expose you to more opportunity as a roommate, assuming neither are problem roommates.

Apr 11, 2018

Not much to add except a personal anecdote:

I lived with a guy that I had known for 15 years for a year in college and it was by far the worst living situation I've had to date for various reasons. It's hard to know what a living situation will be like until you actually do it.

Apr 12, 2018

Small anecdote:

Decided to live with 2 friends from high school (also new eachother). It was fun because we could recall 'old' stories and already knew eachother for years so we were a wolf pack in college. Downside was that living can be quite different from just being friends.

One guy was quite lazy/dirty (never cleaned his plates, wouldn't replace something if he finished it), was always late with rent and wasn't as motivated for college. The other never cleaned his room, but that was problem for us as he was really clean in the common areas. Furthermore he was never late with rent and (like me) motivated for college. This resulted in the two of us bonding more than the other.

We didn't want our friendship break up because he was lazy/dirty and late with rent, eventhough it annoyed us two. This sometimes gave a bit of friction; friendship vs being a functioning adult.

Apr 12, 2018

With selecting roommates it's best to pick people who are going to be easy going, responsible, and who are not going to be complete slobs and degenerates. Trust me, you'll be much happier and less stressed that way. You can go out and find the social components you desire on your own terms and don't necessarily need to live with it. Plus you're probably not going to have as much free/social time as you think, so it's not like you're going to be partying with these dudes every night. Better to have a roommate who is on time with rent and who won't destroy the place.

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Apr 12, 2018

^ this

Assuming Friend B is equally if not easier to live with and responsible, you can have your cake and eat it too. Go be social and parties with friend A, and then go home to a nice clean apartment (instead of having to clean up after everyone post-party). And when you want a more low key hang out, you chill with friend B.

Apr 11, 2018

Amen. 90 percent of the time it'll be about who's better to live with, 10 percent of the time it will be who is more fun to rage with.

Apr 12, 2018

I agree with everyone that's pointed out that the social aspect should only be a small part of the decision (if your roommate doesn't vibe with you, he's just going to go do his own thing socially, anyway). And the socioeconomic thing seems even less relevant. Who will you feel comfortable sitting in the living room with for hours, either talking to each other, watching tv, or just doing your own thing? Those weeknights/winter days will make or break your roommate experience.

If you still can't decide, pay each one of them an unexpected visit where they are living now. Live with the one that has less dirty dishes in the sink.

Apr 12, 2018

I've found that the social structure that you build in college is really different from the one you build in your professional life. You mentioned you're each going into finance or consulting, so short of the two of you boozing together on the weekends (assuming you're not banking/the consultants aren't traveling), you'll find that half the time you're just ships passing in the night. At the end of the day you'll find you're going to develop your own working personality and social structure with peers you meet at work, and through extension will build a network outside your roommates. I'd personally focus more on creating an outgoing and sociable personality in the office, you'll grow much more personally and professionally.

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Apr 12, 2018
aaabbc:

I asked this because I'm a senior in college, moving to NYC this summer and curious about what adult life is like with regards to roommates. my dilemma: I'm deciding to live between two friends from college, let's call them A and B. I'm not as close to A and more comfortable with B; A comes from different background than me (A is much more well off), is more social and fun to hang out with, but I'd say I know more people from B's friend group and would get along with them better since we're pretty much from the same socioeconomic background. All of us are working in finance/consulting.

From college I've learned that the people you live with are a big part of your social life. You go out with them, their friends become your friends. Truth be told, I dislike my suitemates in college because they're antisocial and not very fun. In fact I recently realized I don't like most the friends I made in college that much because I don't feel inspired or motivated by them. my lackluster social life is partly my fault since I mostly kept to myself and could've been a lot more socially outgoing in college. I wish to change that after college, so I want to be more strategic about my roommate selection. For that reason, I'd lean more toward A. Do you think your roommates plays a role in your social life once you start working? Am I overemphasizing it? do you make friends elsewhere?

It sounds like B is in your safe zone, but you say that you want to be more motivated/ambitious socially. I think the right choice is easily A.

The socioeconomic background argument is BS. You are an adult now. Thoughts of sticking with your "class" because you have a common background should be over; it's bullshit. You are what you make of yourself. You've hit the reset button by landing a good job out of college and should be trying to align yourself with the most successful circle of friends possible because they can provide future opportunity and personal growth.

Another dynamic here is that you don't want to be the default social outlet for your roommate. I lived in NYC with a college buddy who is one of my best friends. He's a great guy, but doesn't have a large social circle. It became hard to plan events without him because he always wanted to come along. Over time it was really problematic, particularly since he isn't great with girls. Every Friday, he'd be like "what are we doing tonight?" In NYC specifically that can be limiting - you need a crew of girls to get into the good bars/clubs, extra dudes are a problem.

After I lived with other roommates who had separate social circles, my social life was much better. If we were both/all around great, let's hang. If someone had other plans, that's cool too. I also met a lot wider circle of people when I had roommates who weren't in my exact group of friends.

Apr 12, 2018

Uh.. ya... Don't take any advice from a guy who'd move in with two french chicks.

Apr 13, 2018
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Apr 13, 2018