How much do men know/care about consent?
I went on a second date this weekend with a guy that I was introduced to through a mutual friend. The first date was awesome and we kept talking on the phone/texting after it. The second date was horrible. The conversation was nice but he kept touching me inappropriately without asking and tried to kiss me without consent either. Some of you might think that this isn't a big deal but I don't just make out with anyone/sleep around and it takes a while for me to get physically intimate. I need to know that I like someone to kiss them. I am not even sure if I like this guy and he's never told me that he does either. I am just turned off and felt extremely uncomfortable.
I am curious to know: How long does it usually take for most of you to get intimate and do you usually ask the other person if they're okay with it?
I am not exactly sure what he was doing but did you tell him to stop? I would think it would be kind of awkward to ask for permission to kiss someone.
Really the best way around this is to have your legal counsel draft up some paperwork describing what activities are consented to by both parties. Its good to have it notarized (especially if you’re going to put something in the “pooper”).
He was out of commission during covid. Give em’ a break.
I guess he thought you were into him from how the first date went. I can’t speak for the “touching inappropriately” was he slapping your ass? Groping? Or trying to hold your hand? As for the kiss, I’ve never asked for consent to kiss a girl, it’s kind of weird to do that. I guess if a girl hasn’t been around, she might be a bit a uncomfortable, but the few girls I’ve been with haven’t been weirded out by it.
Yea he touched my butt a couple of times, also had his arm around my waste but it wasn't def staying around the waist, held my hand (which I was okay with tbh). I think I just got up when he tried to kiss me. Looking back, I should have probably said "I love spending time with you but just not there yet." I don't know why I didn't say that (been a while since I went on a date. Thanks IB) but I am pretty sure anyone would have seen my face and understood that I am uncomfortable. Also I am not expecting him to explicitly ask my permission to kiss but AT LEAST look out for physical cues. Like if I was comfortable, I would have reciprocated all the touching.
Like others said, he probably just didn’t read the situation properly.
If you're not "explicitly ask my permission to kiss" then what is it you demand?
Get off your high-horse if I knew the guy i'd tell him to not subject himself to your bullshit
That is not his fault. You need to speak up. You can't assume that he is going to assume that you are uncomfortable about it.
I understand how you feel cos I have been in similar situations and literally your brain gets overwhelmed & freezes up. I don't think you should beat yourself up for not speaking up. Just be aware of it next time. It would be nice if ppl did pick up on others uncomfortability but unfortunately, there are some oblivious individuals about.
Sound like the guy really misread the situation, if you explained you didn't want to and he still kept going then that sounds like harassment.
I'd try to at least read physical cues to see if it's a good time to make a move.
Looks like he misread the situation but if you are uncomfortable I can only encourage you to communicate about it - ie I appreciate spending time you, but you’re going a bit too fast for my taste.
many guys are thirsty and have no standards so i don't know what you're trying to achieve with this thread lol men and women are just wired SO differently. but good for you for setting boundaries and trusting your gut - do not tolerate any behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable, ever! if a guy does not understand/care that him touching you like that makes you feel uncomfortable, block and delete asap. you do not owe anyone your time/presence/energy (let alone your body!) :)
Communication is key
I think we are all taking a leap of faith that a female actually created this topic...
Serious question - you mentioned he tried to kiss you without consent? Are you expecting him to ask you if he is allowed to give you a kiss? I’ve been out of the dating game for a while but I think that sounds extremely awkward.....
"Um so like... uh... can I kiss you now?"
I can imagine how cringey that would be.
It gets better after you do it a few times, tbh. The further left the girl is, the better. Every time I’ve asked they’ve thanked me (enthusiastically) for asking for consent so I think slowly this practice is being normalized among liberal women.
Wtf
OP here. I don't think it's cringey at all. I actually really appreciate it (and so do a lot of my friends). Even if you don't ask explicitly, at least be emotionally intelligent to figure out if the other person wants to do it or not (Like if I want to do, I'll reciprocate your intimate gestures lol)
Why turn this into a political topic, lol?
There are plenty of girls who are not leftists. I'm not dating gender bending communists.
Yeah it sounds like the type of chicks you’re into and the type I’m into probably aren’t very similar. But best of luck to you!
Ron Weasley with a six pack...... hahah that made me laugh
I do not think most guys would mind if a girl puts a hand on them, especially if she looks nice.
To answer seriously even though I'm not sure if you were asking for real lol, everyone has the right to say no/stop etc. Guys just don't do it often haha. There is a thing in society tho where if guys did something a girl did, it would be seen as worse. I vaguely remember some woman possibly streaking onto a soccer pitch and like grabbing one of the players who wasn't into it, and people laughed it off, but someone raised the point that if a guy did that to a female player, it would be so much worse.
Sounds like he misread the situation, something a lot of guys do. Not sure if he was intending to be aggressive but sometimes its good to verbally just like set a boundary the first time it happens. Like how you phrased it above, along the likes of "I like you but im just not there yet" or something along those lines, if you do in fact like him. Any guy who is offended by that isn't really a guy worth being around, but I would imagine that most would just hear you and keep that in mind. Doubt it would ruin the (early) relationship. While I think consent is beyond important and that a guy should ask first more often than not, I can see him going for a "romantic" type of kiss without checking in first. If he meant to like sloppily make out with you like a drunk hook up at a bar, than maybe not lol. Idk about the grabbing your ass action or anything like that, but I can see a guy initiating a kiss out of spontaneity if he thought it was a right moment to do so. And a simple "not yet" from you should be enough to hold it off without killing the vibe.
As far as consent goes, if you told him no and he continued, then that is awful and you should report him.
On the other hand, women usually know immediately after seeing a man whether they want to get physical and intimate. You are probably just looking for a rich finance guy to string along, which if is the case is pathetic.
Kiss without consent lmao what. Excuse me maam may I kiss you now lmao
Jesus what do you want him to do, explicitly ask if he's allowed to kiss you? You sounds like a fun girl to date. Cringe.
perchance mayhaps would i be granted the honour of laying mine lips upon thee, milady
**tips fedora**
typically, in NYC, the 2nd date = sex, and so this guy just assumed that since date #1 went so well, he assumed you were into him and the date would end with sex. This is pretty normal in NYC. You seem to be an exception to the rule...so you will need to speak up ahead of time...because this will happen again.
In my experience, in NYC, most of the time it doesn't even need to get to the second date. OP needs to clearly lay her boundaries cause you're right, it will happen again.
If the girl is sleeping with you on the second date, she is scoring more than Lebron James.
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