How to be loyal

quantgrunt's picture
Rank: King Kong | 1,478

So after seeing this WSO post, I noticed that a lot of users were mentioning how loyalty is super important to them in a relationship. So how exactly does one remain loyal? Guys what do you do when you see a more attractive/ different girl that starts flirting with you after you are already in a relationship. How do you guard your emotions? Looking to y'all cuz I feel like the concept of loyalty has been replaced by individualism in the school system and I can't really go elsewhere for advice on this.

Comments (53)

Aug 26, 2019

Any time I pass an attractive female, I nip temptation in the bud by immediately jumping around and waving my arms in the air frantically while screaming out three repetitions of "I LOVE MY WIFE FUCK OFF SUCCUBUS!!!"

The trick is to do this immediately. Upon sight. So as to avoid falling head-over-heels for a passer-by.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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  • Prospective Monkey in Other
Aug 26, 2019

Lol the gold diggers don't stop that easy

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Most Helpful
Aug 26, 2019

I think there are 3 parts to this.

  1. Upbringing. Some people are brought up with solid values including loyalty and others aren't. I guess it can be hard to see in the short-term how someone will be after many years but you can already get the taste from how they treat co-workers and friends. Some people just don't care about loyalty as a value. Find a partner who does.
  2. Proof. People need to believe you are loyal. Whether it's friends or a partner they have to trust you. Sure, some people have trust issues due to having been burnt in the past but this is just an extra bit of work. Everyone wants to trust others naturally so make it easy for them. Be open about what you do and where you go, be upfront (without being rude). When it comes to partners, do not keep a super secretive life outside of your relationship when it comes to friends (of either sex) or other social aspects.
  3. Effort. We are animals at heart with sexual desires - that's just nature. I think it's both parties' responsibility to put in the effort to remain attractive to your partner. Both should aim to stay in peak physical shape, take good care of themselves, pay attention to hygiene and so on. It's easier to resist temptation if you have something great to go back to at home than a dumpster fire. I read an article which mentioned that the number 1 cause of infidelity amongst women is sexual dissatisfaction (and before you attack me women, I know that is it a top cause for men too). Try and keep the romance and sexiness alive even after years of being together.

Generally I think that being in a loyal friendship/relationship/working relationship is so much less effort in the long-run and you establish a network of people you can count on. If you love to cheat then be single for a while, fuck anything that moves then screw your head on again.

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Funniest
Aug 26, 2019

"You don't try to be loyal, you just are." - Bobby Axelrod

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Aug 26, 2019

Lol knew this would be here

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Aug 26, 2019

OK I'll give a serious answer because I want to finish this hot tea before I leave.

Loyalty is a function of commitment. If you're committed to someone or something, you'll be loyal to them. A lot of the best shit in life comes from strong commitment mixed with time and effort. A relationship falls in that bucket. I posit the real question is, "What leads one to commit?" In a world of effectively limitless options in a whole lot of things, there comes a moment when we pick one. We bring the projected lifetime value of an endeavor to T=0 and compare options. Impossible to do with anything resembling perfect information. But the real interesting bit is how many permutation and combination effects can result from any decision one commits to. So if you're confident the spouse you are with is going to result in the best possible accomplishment of your goals, you'll be loyal to them. This shit is always in flux. But I guess the stronger the relationship, the deeper the commitment, the more flux it can endure. Like one of those bendie skyscrapers.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Aug 26, 2019
quantgrunt:

I feel like the concept of loyalty has been replaced by individualism in the school system

What in the world?

Aug 26, 2019

Lol right? How exactly are we blaming the schools for this? Is infidelity even on the rise nowadays? And why can't individualism coexist with monogamy?

Aug 26, 2019

Cool Kids sleep around and never commit. The loyal ones find their lifestyles incompatible and disappear from the party social scenes (to live happier lives elsewhere). Gives the impression to singles that relationships don't happen or keep.

It's not some kind of Chancellor-approved plan, it's kids culture.

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Aug 27, 2019

These are not mutually exclusive. Not committing is not a sign of being disloyal- it's simply a sign of having high standards.

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Aug 27, 2019

Individuality is the quality of "picking yourself up by the bootstraps" and not waiting for someone to hand something to you. Not sure, what that has to do with loyalty ...

  • 2nd Year Associate in Corporate Development
Aug 26, 2019

weird flex, but ok

Aug 27, 2019

The first time I saw this question posed, I was certain it was a joke. However, I'll bite.

I think that The Pharma Guy hit the nail on the head mentioning upbringing, as I believe that your past experiences with commitment, trust and thereby loyalty are primary drivers of your belief today. I grew up with parents who worked really hard to have a healthy relationship, and witnessed for the first 18 years of my life the result of commitment, trust, and loyalty. This definitely helped to shape my viewpoint on relationships and loyalty.

The way I see it is this: If you love and care about someone then naturally loyalty, trust, and a desire for commitment should naturally occur, at least in my experience.

Certainly though, there is temptation along the way, but this can be easily curbed by respect and communication. Remember that grade-school saying "treat people the way you want to be treated"? This applies here. Respect your S/O (also extends to platonic friendships), treat them with love and care, receive love and care in return, and don't do things you wouldn't want someone you care about to do to you. The instinct should occur naturally, while continued effort will provide the longevity.

I agree with you that most our generation (I'm a millennial) treats relationships and commitment with utter disrespect and views partners as disposable, especially in the teens-early twenties age. But as previously mentioned, this is largely an optical view caused by the "good ones" self-selecting out of this disposable un-loyal lifestyle once they find someone to commit to. This also will lessen as our generation ages, due to the FOMO that sets in ~27+ when the un-loyal partners realized that everyone around them is getting married and starting to build partnerships.

Give it some time, fall in love, find a partner who embodies values important to you and you won't have to stress too hard about remaining loyal, you'll want to.

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Aug 27, 2019

Thanks for the response. As for the last point you mentioned why then do relationships that have lasted for 10+ years end in a breakup. Surely the partners would have loved each other right ? (I guess one famous example is Bezos who divorced after 25 years with his wife).

Aug 27, 2019

https://i0.heartyhosting.com/radaronline.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Larry-King-Family-Hope-Divorce-Final-Before-He-Dies-pp.jpg?fit=1100%2C618&ssl=1

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Aug 27, 2019

All sorts of reasons that could cause a breakup/separation/divorce. Its certainly a case-by-case basis, but often times people change, and their wants/desires change to a point where they cannot maintain said relationship. It's sad, but it does happen.

In Bezos' case, he cheated. What led to his cheating? Ego? Weakness? Lack of compassion/consideration for Mackenzie? Who knows.

I think the big take away from my POV and my comment above is that if you love someone enough, make the effort. Relationships are two-way streets, and it takes two to tango, and certainly 10, 20, 30, 40, 50+ years are impressive spans of time to spend together with someone. But if you care about that someone enough, and you work at a mutually beneficial partnership rooted in care/love and embodied in growth, it's perfectly possible. Think of all of the generations before us, likely even our grandparents, who reached the end and still felt like they didn't have enough time with their spouse. That's the kind of relationship I think is possible with a little bit of effort, respect, selflessness and loyalty.

Aug 27, 2019

How to be loyal:

Step 1 - Be loyal
Step 2 - Don't be disloyal

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Aug 27, 2019
Dumpster Fire Yuppie:

How to be loyal:

Step 1 - Be loyal
Step 2 - Don't be disloyal

Garbage

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Aug 27, 2019

As much as I love NYC, the understanding and expression of loyalty in this city is appalling. Having spent about half my life between here and a small town in MA, I have had the chance to juxtapose the two and understand how the abundance of opportunity influences people. There is a sense of "selling up" in NYC, whether that is in the context of jobs or dating, that has debased an enormous part of young society's sense of loyalty. I have no idea what the cure to this is, but it certainly makes hiring someone new / dating someone new a much more complex issue than it needs to be.

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Aug 27, 2019

I think loyalty can be achieved by constant learning & improvement that goes beyond love and affection. The loyal people i know didn't start dating until mid to late twenties with someone who is the complete opposite of them. He or she likes finance so they wanted to date someone who they could learn from and be interested by a different type of intelligence such as a surgeon who needs to prep for surgery to cure a patient's broken arm. I am not saying that dating someone who does the same work as you is bad but i think the loyalty to consistently learn and improve themselves as well as talk about completely polar topics creates a bond combined with affection and love makes a great combo. With all that said i just finished my freshman year and everyone who was in a relationship got cheated on lmaoooo

With that said sex robots are gonna be out soon and a whole new wave of weirdos are gonna fuck plastic and cheat on their significant others with ai....... so you might as well just prep for the Robots taking your job and your girl

Aug 27, 2019

a robot cant take my girl if im a robot myself :0

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Aug 27, 2019

False, unless you are zuck or elon.... you aren't a robot

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Aug 27, 2019

"Man I don't even have an opinion"

Aug 27, 2019

Well yes..... it is commonly known by many as sarcasm and i used it to illustrate the point that sex robots are going to come and clap your girls cheeks

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Aug 27, 2019

"Thats a damn shame" cause i aint even got a girl

Aug 28, 2019

Once you find the right girl you will be loyal because throwing away what you have with her is something you could never forgive yourself for. One night with a hot random bish is not worth it.

Oh also find yourself a bi girl....lots of perks come with that ;)

  • Prospective Monkey in Other
Aug 29, 2019

Can you explain last line?

Aug 30, 2019

Sure...i like hot girls....my girlfriend likes hot girls...1+1+1=3

Aug 28, 2019
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Currently applying to medical school.

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Aug 29, 2019
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