How To Live In The Present: Is The Perpetual Focus On The Next Big Thing Unhealthy?

One of the most commonly obsessed over topics in Finance conversations and forums is Exit Opps. It's always about that next big move. In high school you're just worried about which college will give you the best internship opportunities, once you get that first internship it's about how to leverage a full-time offer, once you get a full-time job it's immediately about how to level up to an even better job.

It seems like in the finance community, there's such an emphasis on work hard now, play later, but when really is that later supposed to kick in? We're always looking forward to the next bonus, the next promotion, the next job, etc. But the reality is, one day we'll all be 50 with multiple kids in school, an aging wife and a retirement account that's never big enough. Is that really what we're spending our entire lives waiting for?

Now imagine being a beach bum in OC or a ski-bum in Vail. Imagine living your entire life doing what you love, always being available for your friends and family, having a realistic expectation of how much money it takes to afford you what you need and living for the moment rather than constantly fretting over the next big thing. What really is the benefit of our lifestyle compared to that? The extra money? What does that truly get you in the cities we live in?

Discuss

 
Best Response

Well Nud, I am one of those 50-year olds w/multiple kids and an aging wife, but my retirement acct is in tact, plenty big enough, and I have an exit strategy. If you come from money then perhaps you can do the beach bum or ski-bum gig. If you are among the other 99.8% of us, then you have but a few choices as I see them:

  1. Work hard, prioritize desires and strive to meet your goals.
  2. Futz around until you're 40 or 50, be completely self-absorbed, and then realize that you will not wake up one day with 7 - 8 figures in your retirement account, so you better get busy.
  3. Grow up and realize that you are not the only human being who would rather dick around on a beach all day than to get up, clean up, dress up, show up and work.

Since you would like to "discuss", perhaps you can share what your plan is to finance your prolonged adolescence.

It may sound as though I'm being an asshole, but that couldn't be further from the truth. However, I can't count the number of people I graduated HS with, who are, to this very day, still screwing around trying to figure out what they're going to be when they grow up. They just wanted to "live for the day" for a couple of years after HS. Those couple of years turned into 30 for a lot of them.

Fantasize about being on a beach or powder-covered mountain, but you should be doing that fantasizing while either getting an education or working to meet a goal. Sorry, but it's called real life. Very, very few of us can avoid the inevitability of working for a living. May as well try finding a career path that you may actually enjoy doing.

BTW, the "work hard now, play later" is not restricted to the finance community. It is pervasive throughout our society.

 

But I think you are preventing yourself from truly considering the point because you know it may be valid. Your entire post sounds really defensive, like you've taken one position and can't stomach the possibility that the other side would have been better.

When you talk about your friends from HS still trying to "figure out what they're going to be when they grow up", you're leading with the premise that there is some elusive concept of what it means and feels like to be a grown up, a success, someone who has made it. What if it isn't really about the amount of money in your retirement savings? What does that honestly afford you? A couple extra rooms in your home that you'll never use? An extra house somewhere that you can go to once a month? Is that really worth all of the struggle and sacrifice?

What if it turns out that personal connections and leisure time are what makes you happy anyway? Why bother buying your own house in Aspen with a backdoor on a ski-slope that you can use three times a year when you can fish at the local pond every day after work with your wife and kids?

 

I think you're projecting there a little Nuds. I'm in no way being defensive. In fact, I find comfort in knowing that I've now lived through many of the tough years of a successful life, as I define it. We all have our own set of values, but for me, being a good role model for my children and a good husband to my bride is much more important than the best day on the nicest beach on the planet.

Regarding your premise of that "extra house" or extra money making someone feel grown up, that is absurd. I will tell you what makes a person feel grown up. Simple things like:

  • paying bills on time and with money that you earned yourself
  • realize a career path that is rewarding to you
  • take care of those people who took care of you
  • keep friends close and family closer
  • take responsibility for yourself and any life that you bring into this world

I could go on, but I suspect this is nothing more than an exercise in futility as you are just trying to instigate. Honestly, I could give a damned. I'm quite secure in who and what I am. Hence my openness about age and position in life.

Just FYI, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. I'm at most 5 years away from turning it in for good. I'm just icing the cake now, but my youngest is just going into college in the fall, so I may as well put it out until he graduates. Then, it will be our turn to play and we will be more than financed to play for the rest of our lives.

 

If you aren't a parent, you shouldn't even be replying to dm100's comments because all his points are very valid, which you'll never understand.

Maybe limit this thread to singles only because clearly the options are limitless if you don't have dependents. I can think of 100 other ways to live if I were to live as a single for the rest of my life.

The more I read your comments the more moronic you sound.

 

The problem with the advice to "do what you want" is that most people don't know what the hell they really want. I certainly don't yet.

I do know what feels nice. I like learning new things and acting as a confidant for my friends and family. I try to do both as much as I can while still meeting work responsibilities.

I also believe that increased earning power/net worth opens more doors down the road. For now, I'm still focused on trying to open more doors and learn more things. Interestingly, I think fear of missing out drives both you and those colleagues who are obsessed about leveling up. Only difference is the object that you and they are afraid of missing out on.

Good luck on finding your raison d'etre; I'd bet that ski bums/beach bums get midlife crises too. It's human to question our current position and to strive for more. Self actualization doesn't come from a travel brochure or a trite clickbait LinkedIn post.

 

I have been asking myself the same kind of questions. Something that worries me is how, as you described, I notice I am always working on the next step. I am where I had hoped to be 5 years a go, but now that I have achieved this it seems I don't even care anymore and am only thinking about the next step, which is dangerous because I have no idea where this ends. There will always be something bigger and better to strive for, never enjoying what you have achieved will not lead to a happy life I presume. Lastly, I sure as hell know the people on this forum would not last as a ski bum. The life is very relaxing and everything, but there is not a drop of financial security in that, neither is it mentally rewarding long-term. We need to be challenged.

 

To counter your thought, I think the world we live in now it should be common to always think about the next step.

Previously, if you went to college, you got a job, started a family and retired, and you really didnt think about if you liked it or not. Now, there are so many opportunities it always helps to think about the next thing.

It's kinda like going to the gym, the people who are in the best shape are the ones going all the time, but are also the ones who probably need to go the least because they are already in great shape. But they keep going because they like it. Think about Buffett, dude can retire at day, but keeps doing it because he loves it. We might look at him and think he missed out on some stuff, but he lived a life he loved.

 

Obviously it's good to have a well thought out plan for your long-term, medium-term and short-term goals, but I'm more referring to the emotional state of getting off on the hope of the future payoffs versus the emotional state of enjoying the present.

For example, I transferred schools mid-college from a school in the city with all my friends where I partied my ass off, to a target school where I knew no one. I spent two years constantly obsessing over how sweet it would be when I finally got a high paying job and it was worth it. Then as soon as I started IB, the hours were killer and I feel like I missed out on a lot of good moments with my friends and became a little more distant from them. Still I found myself clinging to the the hope and excitement of the future - my glorious exit opps. Now I'm moving to a new city to start at a very high-paying Associate job at a large REPE and it's awesome for my professional life, but I'm also moving to a new city where I know just a few people and will be working pretty heavy hours. Again I'm certainly excited about the pay, my year end bonus, the opportunity to make VP and start getting carry, etc. But then I think about my fraternity brothers that stayed at City college, partied every night throughout college, got laid a bunch, all still hang out together and still go out like every night. I can't help but think that I'm sacrificing a lot to constantly pursue the next biggest, best thing - when the things that make me happiest are the things I'm neglecting the most; my friends, family, going out, getting laid, serenity, etc.

 

Probably not, but I think it's partially because I was predisposed by my upbringing to feel guilty about indulging myself and living in the present. Grew up with two old-school Jewish parents that taught me to constantly be chasing education, money, work, etc. and would scold me if they came home to me watching TV on the couch, or eating junk-food hungover.

I'm considering going to a psychologist to work on enjoying the present more and learning how to take the time to appreciate my surroundings, while I pursue my long-term goals. I think this is a very common mindset that a lot of people share that can be overcome with some positive thinking and minor lifestyle changes.

 
Nudnick McMooch:
Probably not, but I think it's partially because I was predisposed by my upbringing to feel guilty about indulging myself and living in the present. Grew up with two old-school Jewish parents that taught me to constantly be chasing education, money, work, etc. and would scold me if they came home to me watching TV on the couch, or eating junk-food hungover.

I'm considering going to a psychologist to work on enjoying the present more and learning how to take the time to appreciate my surroundings, while I pursue my long-term goals. I think this is a very common mindset that a lot of people share that can be overcome with some positive thinking and minor lifestyle changes.

I don't think a psychologist is the right person for that.

Maybe a behavioral therapist or psychiatrist.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

To counter the original post, we are on a finance forum. Yes, there are other topics, but this forum should be the place where you ask how to get in the next level of your career or how to make more money. I'm sure if you are a parent and participate on a form dedicated to being a parent you might have the inverse question.

In terms of when will later happen, each person needs to evaluate that for themselves. Look at actors, professional sports players, or celebrities, there are the ones who "made" it and the ones who tried and didn't. But each of these people started out sacrificing sometime to get there. Not every starts in IB/ER/PE will rise to the top, but everyone starts thinking they will. What I'm saying is, try to do what you want and give it everything you have. Once it looks like that might not happen, try something with the same intensity. As an example, think of Jerry Seinfeld, the guy LOVES Superman. Now, he probably knows, no one is going to offer him a role playing Superman...but they would offer him a show about himself. Yes, he could have said no to the show and tried to be Superman, but he said yes and ending up making one of the most loved shows of all time.

Don't look at it as mutually exclusive between "do what you love and make no money", or"do what you hate and make money but have to spend it all to be responsible.". Takes risks, but take calculated risks. Maybe you would like to open an ice cream shop, but there are already five in your area. Maybe you would love to be a barber, but you don't know how to cut hair. Find what you're good at but also viable. Kinda in relation to my above point, most people don't give a shit, don't give a shit about their career, the next year, their retirement, their health. That's where people get stuck. It takes work, but people don't want to work.

 

I hear you and it's definitely an idea I wrestle with all the time. It doesn't make sense to me to sacrifice life when you're relatively young (20s, 30s) when you have the most energy and least commitments, in order to build up money until you're in your 50s and 60s, when you will have the least energy and the bigger commitments.

Im obsessed with passive income ideas. Ideally I want 4-5 sources of passive income In the next 5 years (Rentals, Franchises etc), so that I can spend more time doing what I want (Travelling, reading, exercising).

I know people in their 50s and 60s that have spent their life saving up money, they have nice houses and cars, but for me, they definitely haven't lived life to the full. They havn't seen the world and still spend all day sitting in an office, doing not so intellectually challenging work.If thats what they want... then good for them, I just hate to think that would be me waking up at 60 and thinking of the things I could've done.

I'm still in my 20's and gladly I've travelled all over the world. My friends are definitely jealous. A lot of them have fell victim to negative lifestyle inflation (Leasing expensive cars, Being a bitch for their GFs etc). I make time to develop myself every day, mentally, physically and spiritually. Im going to use my 20's and 30's to develop myself, build capital and expand my network so that I can move in to entrepreneurship and hopefully work 1/3 of the time for a multiple of the money I earn at the moment.

As always, you can earn extra money but you cant buy more time. People on WSO are so risk averse that I only feel it's going to stifle them later on. That's their nature though, sticking to a rigid career path to earn a 'guaranteed' amount of money. The reality of course is that in 20-30 years these jobs and 'transferrable skills' they're working to hard to achieve just now, probably wont exist in the future.

If youre similar then you'd probably like Tim Ferris, The Minimalists, inoveryourhead nd Wallstreetplayboys (googleable blogs).

 
TommyGunn:
I'm going to use my 20's and 30's to develop myself, build capital and expand my network so that I can move into entrepreneurship and hopefully work 1/3 of the time for a multiple of the money I earn at the moment.

For you to work 1/3 of the time you expect as an entrepreneur, you would have to go through several years of analyst-like hours, constantly working to either maintain or grow your company.

I know you probably understand this, but I just wanted to throw that out there for those who might think entrepreneurship is "easy."

 

I'm talking about things like property development, property rentals and franchises. I know its hard for people on WSO to think of entrepreneurship in such unsexy businesses, but they do exist, not all entrepreneurs start FinTech companies. I know plenty of entrepreneurs who already own these kind of businesses and what hours they work. Thanks for the input though.

 

While I have no desire to be a ski bum or surfer, OP did hit home with the idea that we should stop to smell the roses sometimes. For the past decade+ I've always had a 5yr plan, hitting every milestone thus far along the way (target undergrad, good job, top MBA, super particular role post-MBA), but the satisfaction of hitting each goal is fleeting and sooner rather than later I'm asking myself "what's next?"

Maybe a lot of people are this board are simply born with this gunner mentality, thinking the next bonus or promotion will finally be "it", but at least I'm starting to realize the need to stop and take things in every once in a while. I suppose that's progress in some sense.

 

You're so right. It's not a lifestyle issue so much as an emotional-state issue. Quitting banking and being a ski bum aint the answer, but enjoying the process and being present is definitely something that I think most of us probably would all benefit from.

 

There is such a thing in this life as too much...

When it comes to surfing and I-banking; Either activity is a great time some of the time, but neither is a great time all of the time.

If all I did was surf, I'd feel like a fucking loser. If all I did was I-banking, I'd die of a heart attack 15 years before I was supposed to.

If I do both in a healthy balance, I maximize my ability to enjoy myself. Because I'm 1.) feeling accomplished in life by working hard 2.) I'm able to afford nice things, like new surfboards / vacations and 3.) I never get completely tired of either activity.

I think the big issue with people I've met is that they get so wrapped up with other things outside of work (ie. personal relationships, friendships, over bearing significant others, and tedious chores) that they never carve out time for themselves to go surfing.

"A man can convince anyone he's somebody else, but never himself."
 

Thinking forward is useful because it's healthy to have goals. Goals become the rocket fuel to become the best version of yourself today and every day. Goals become less than useful if they are an obsession.

As a member of the 50s group who has witnessed many of the ups and downs and turns life throws at us, it's really important to be able to be present and enjoy being present. This is more about happiness then anything. The happiest people I know don't want to be something else, be doing something else, be living somewhere else, etc. They are happy and the reason they are happy is they have enjoyed the ride to achieving their goals. Yes they have goals, but they are not obsessed with hitting goals but rather focus on the work necessary to achieve goals.

Here's a helpful perspective that I have found quite important in my ability to be present, enjoy where I'm at (what I'm doing), all with an eye on moving forward. Learn to look at things from the viewpoint of where you came from, not just where you are going. Where you came from is all about progress. You were at A, now you're at B. Look at all the improvements that you have made along the way. All reasons to celebrate.

Not saying you shouldn't look at where you want to go (forward). That's important so you don't get complacent, but if you're always looking at things from the lense of B to C vs. A to B, you never get to celebrate the wins. It's critical to celebrate wins, acknowledge accomplishments, enjoy the ride, etc. That gives you the strength to slog on to the next goal.

Just by changing this perspective makes a huge difference. So with each step in your development, enjoy your current role. Look back to where you were prior and assess your growth. Celebrate your growth. Then set new goals but focus on the current tasks that ultimately will get you there.

 

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Remember, the grass is always greener on the otherside because it's fertilized with bullshit.

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