Hey monkeys,
I have an achilles heel in terms of EQ and persuasion ability.
Clearly in IBD and PE, it's not the best analyst/modeler who makes it to partner.
It's the person who is best able to build relationships (or cynically, play politics, if you want to call it that), it's the one who is able to get people to work with them from other internal groups (dude, why won't back office help a brother out?)
And it's the one who is able to persuade clients, gentle but in a compelling way, to do something (let you invest, come in at a good valuation, get the mandate).
But how does one cultivate those EQ / persuasion skills?
I keep struggling with this.
Buffet claims Dale Carnegie changed his life, so I'm looking into that.
But I'm open to advice in this.
Thanks in advance for your help
Ben_CharismaOnCommand
There's a book on this called Emotional Intelligence 2.0.
I don't think there's a singular, easy fix for this: as with any skillset, it's something that you cultivate over time. I think books are a decent starting point in terms of developing the tools necessary, but first and foremost you have to introspect and try to identify what characteristics that presently define you are hindering your growth.
Are you overly arrogant, and so struggle to identify with the struggles of others? Do you lack confidence, and so feel insecure giving direct advice to others? The list goes on...
It's also worth noting that EQ and persuasion skills, while related in some respects, are not one and the same. EQ centres around the ability to empathise with another person: to understand why it is they feel the way they do and why they behave accordingly - to understand what it is they want. The more basic way of honing this ability is to simply put yourself in the other person's shoes. Hopefully this will give you a little insight into their perspective and so allow you deal with them with a higher level of emotional intelligence.
Being persuasive stems from this and also relies upon understanding what it is a person needs and what a person wants. Persuasion isn't about bullying someone into submission or, in the long run, manipulating / cheating them - it's again about helping them accomplish their goals while simultaneously enriching yourself somewhat. This is why all IBD and sales roles ultimately fall under the umbrella of customer service: if your customer is happy, you'll be rewarded in turn. I'd suggest, to begin with, being upfront and genuinely listening to a person's responses: what is it they want, why do they want it, and how would they like to fulfil this need? Once you have this intel, you can then apply your own insight and advise that perhaps X isn't the best options because of A, B, C - you'd instead suggest Y because it matches their criteria of D, E, F, etc.
This can't be learnt overnight - you need to put yourself out there, be willing to fall short, and simply get the reps in.
"Are you overly arrogant, and so struggle to identify with the struggles of others? Do you lack confidence, and so feel insecure giving direct advice to others? The list goes on..."
No, it's the more subtle and soft-skilled stuff I'm lacking. Like managing to get other similarly-ranked colleagues to work with me. A few months back I brought in a deal - sourced it alone. One of my colleagues jumped on it and took it over. I tried to keep ahold of working on it, but she left me off of emails, out of calls, and took over the project wholesale. So, should I have been a jerk and fight her for it, and look bad / uncollaborative doing so? Or just let it go? Or was there another option? I just don't know. I want to be the dude who sources the deal, and works collaboratively to get it executed. But somehow this one just got away from me.
IMO that's a tough situation - if your recount of events are accurate, clearly she's the aggressor and what was done can only be described as very poor form.. did you consider having a chat with upper management about this in a diplomatic way? Just to say you feel inclined to see the deal you brought in through to the end etc.. In my experience if someone has decided to pursue such an aggressive approach, there's almost no point trying to reason with them - it only gives them heads up that you won't stand down..
Check out Cialdini's books as well as Motivational Interviewing. It's good for us autists who need to essentially learn programs for social interaction.
This book sounds like a great stocking stuffer for a few folks I know.
Any of you guys try some of the pick up artist / real social dynamics training, and would it apply to learning how to influence people? I mean, how much difference is there from picking up a chick to picking up a client anyway?
Those books / vids hardly even work on actual girls... wouldn't bank on those mate
NOOOOOOOOOOO STAY AWAY They are the lamest losers on god's green earth. I read those Tucker Max books when I was like 16 because they were hilarious and that scene introduced me to the PUA scene and I read a Mystery book. I'd rather die celibate than resort to that shit. Oh my god the pain even thinking about a grown man striding into a bar wearing fingerless gloves and a top hat and trying to pick up skanks with magic tricks and by "negging" them. Oh my god you owe me a new keyboard because I ruined this one bleeding through the eyes onto it.
Oh and now Neil Strauss has rebranded himself in the same circle as the likes of Tim Ferris? And people appear to be accepting this? NOPE. Dead for life go hang yourself off a bridge. I know what's in that weasely shiny little head of yours you fucking coward.
Quia nam maxime omnis. Unde excepturi voluptatum perferendis laboriosam maiores error vitae aperiam. Beatae nobis ut possimus adipisci dolores deleniti. Dignissimos eveniet quaerat praesentium eaque ipsa.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...