I'm lost and desperately need help

URMkid's picture
Rank: Senior Chimp | banana points 22

I know I will get over it, but I'm feeling depressed and just need to get it out.

My Ex just broke up with me and told me that she's seeing another guy, mainly because of my life choices.
Let me elaborate on my Background and last 4-year long relationship.

I'm the first one of my family to graduate HS and one of the few of my high school who went to a college. And probably the only one who managed to get into a target school since the founding of my school.

Also, I'm 21 years old and just received an FT offer for abroad in London (I'm from a small European country), however, my ex already began seeing the new guy during my internship because I only had time for her when I came back home. (She literally expected me to call her during work and responds to her texts within minutes)

Actually, she started to become cold towards me when I started studying at a "target" school, which was multiple hours away from home, instead of just working a regular job or choosing the local community college/state school. Furthermore, she told me I changed and was frustrated because I was focusing too much on my education/career instead of doing drugs with her stupid and unemployed friends.
She then told me that she's a disgrace for me because she only barely passed her GED (equivalent) and decided that she wants to drop out of the local college (because she thinks it's too difficult). She only did the GED and enrolled in college because I put a lot of pressure on her (which is true).

Also, she wanted to get married in the next one or two years and get children. And this is just not possible with my plans. Now she's fucking an 18-year-old (WTF?!) HS drop out who works as a construction worker.

I just wanted to get this out. I feel fucking lost, especially now since I'm going to move abroad and don't know anyone (besides other interns). Do you guys have any tips on how I should approach the future? I'm extremely grateful for all your advice!

Comments (35)

Most Helpful
Oct 22, 2018

If only you could know how "best case scenario" everything you just wrote was...

    • 21
Oct 25, 2018

100%.

Oct 25, 2018

Agreed. It sounds like you're going places, and she isn't

Oct 22, 2018

Enjoy London!

    • 1
Oct 22, 2018

why didn't you get rid of this dumb broad earlier?

excel is my canvas, and data is my paint - new york - brunch conesseiour - atheist - centrist - ENFP - TCU alum

    • 2
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Oct 22, 2018

Holy shit. Talk about dodging a massive bullet. I've been in your position before and it sucks, but you seriously got lucky with this happening, she's a huge drag and now you'll be able to find someone way more intelligent and attractive.

    • 1
    • 1
Oct 22, 2018

It may not feel like it now but......

You're going to be in a great spot, trust WSO on this, you've got your life together and dodged a serious bullet with that one.

Basically best case scenario on everything.

Oct 22, 2018

If you don't mind me asking, where are you from?

As someone not much older than you, I can say I know that this all seems like a big deal, but honestly you have a lot ahead of you. Your horizons will be so broad, this will be but a speck in the distance.

She has shown her true self, and its not nearly the best thing for you. You can do better, and you deserve better. Its time to cut your losses.

Oct 23, 2018

Austria

Oct 22, 2018

Everyone from the top to the bottom has problems. Problems make for better stories later, without them life would be pretty boring, and you would have little sense of accomplishment.

Whatever is wrong just get through it by accepting the challenge, focusing on what you have going for you and putting the past behind.

If you went to a non target, you would have the problem of thinking you were mediocre, now going to a target you have the problem of a girlfriend who was not the most happy that you went there whilst she got a GDE. I think I would take the second scenario. No matter what, life always comes at you and will be a bitch sometimes. If you've made it this far keep going and don't let this hold you back

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Oct 23, 2018

Thanks for all your comments! I felt a little bit better this morning ( after crying the whole night haha). She just called me and told me that both of them want to start a family (again they're 18 and 21), she just wanted to say sorry and told me that I'm a remarkable person and she's grateful for getting to know me etc. I got mad and screamed at her, she started crying and I hang up. Now I feel bad for doing this since this was probably the last time I was talking to her.

I'm also upset because I realized how much life has changed. I don't have contact with my old friends anymore. They're in rehab, jail or just work blue-collar jobs. She was the last person I knew from my childhood and old environment.

When I was still a teenager I never wanted to change. However, when I started uni I was interacting more with people from expensive boarding schools. Naturally, I changed and I don't know if I should be proud of this.

Again, thank you!

    • 2
Oct 23, 2018

Power to you my dude. Gl in London.

Oct 23, 2018

You're in a new part of your life now. I had something similar when I dated someone for years back then. I've been single for a couple of years now because I'm continuing to grow, change, and become a better, more well rounded person. If someone wants to stifle your growth for nothing other than selfishness, then cut them off. She is selfish and wants to keep you down (crabs in a bucket mentality, look that up) in order to feel better about herself and her situation.

You escaped my friend, just as I did, from the existence that is abject poverty. Continue to better yourself and make your life your own. Your old life will seem alien to you after a while but that is normal.

Good luck my friend and don't look back!

Oct 23, 2018

Enjoy your life, you are one of us now. Future will be great

Cash and cash equivalents: $7,286
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Oct 23, 2018

Not sure how anyone of this is a problem. The problem would be staying with her.

Oct 23, 2018

You're very young and your best years are still ahead of you. This will pass. And it sounds like you dodged a bullet anyway.

Oct 23, 2018

You just dodged a major bullet. Read "The Book of Pook" if you want to learn why and how this happened to you. Just google it, it's online.

Oct 23, 2018

These hoes ain't loyal
This is the best thing that could have happened to you, enjoy London You're about to have some of the best years of your life, trust me...

  • HFT
  •  Oct 23, 2018

I wasn't born last night. I know these o's ain't right.
Oooo These o's ain't loyal.

    • 1
Oct 23, 2018

Since when do emo boys surf this forum?

That bitch did you a favor. Now grow some balls, have a successful career and date a real woman.

Oct 23, 2018

I predict he'll read this in one year and be like "damn wtf was I thinking?"

but not, getting ballbusted fucking sucks. you'll get through this bro, keep crushing the things you can control, and high quality mates will find their way to you

    • 1
Oct 23, 2018

This was an interesting read. At the end of the day, just move on. She already has and the door is closed. People like you and on this board think they aren't supposed to take Ls. But everyone does in life. Just have to be comfortable with the Ls you take. I think this is one of those.

You made your choice. So has she. That's life. Time to live with it and make the next decisions that will further your life and contribute to the direction you want to go in. Don't think about her and decisions you made in your past too much. Think about what's happening currently. You'll be a lot better off because of it. I made that mistake and it's not worth it.

Oct 23, 2018

Bro I'm sorry I can't tell you how you should feel.

But OPEN your fucking eyes. You are so much better than that female it's sickening. Go get yourself a real woman who deserves you. (pause no homo)

Oct 23, 2018

Man you (1) are young, (2) have a great opportunity to move FT to London and leave probably a shitty European country.

London is full of beatiful girls from all over the globe that will make you forget your ex very soon so pack you things, stop crying and leave the country

Oct 23, 2018

She'll always be a part of your memory. At a certain time she was good for you, and then you simply grew apart. That is part of life for so many different things. Learn to engage in the now, appreciate the past for what it was, and plan for the future.

I highly recommend reading this book and adopting a Stoic philosophy: "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius, who was a legendary Emperor of Rome.

    • 1
Oct 23, 2018
Synergy_or_Syzygy:

I highly recommend reading this book and adopting a Stoic philosophy: "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius, who was a legendary Emperor of Rome.

Great call! I've read Meditations more than once over the years, incredibly straight forward, not fussy in style and it's available to read online for free...

http://classics.mit.edu/Antoninus/meditations.html

    • 1
Oct 23, 2018

Thanks and +1 for the free link! No excuses now, OP, your Dominatrix said so.

Oct 23, 2018

Reiterating what's already been said here, you are actually far better off knowing that you've outgrown a number of people in your life, that if you chose to keep them in your world, they would very likely hold you back and negatively impact your future.

If she wants a family today and you want to wait or you don't want children at all, this is rarely a topic where both parties can be made happy. Don't concern yourself with her choices, she's apparently already moved on and so should you.

Granted, when you are young, you often think that the friends you have now will always be your friends. The loss of the girlfriend and the friends sucks and I have no wish to belittle your feelings, but with time, you will feel differently about these losses.

As you gain more life experience, more work experience and start meeting, socializing and working with a more diverse group of people... you will look back on this quite differently than you do now, when the wound is fresh.

You have already accomplished a great deal, in regards to school and work. I hope that the London offer provides you with many amazing opportunities in work, life, love and play!

Keep us posted and good luck!

    • 4
Oct 23, 2018

she sounds like a winner!

Oct 23, 2018

Alright,

Me and my ex are "on a break" which means its effectively over, but let me tell you I have never been more free. The amount of time that I had between studying for the CFA and working 60-70 hour weeks pretty much left all of my free time going straight to her.

I have time for myself now, build back old friendships that grew apart, watch that movie without trying to convince her it's entertaining and having her talk throughout it all, etc., its really nice. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed spending time with her, but if my career and ambitious are going to get in the way of it, then it just wasn't meant to be.

Looks like you're in a similar albeit excessive situation. Its a weird adjustment for sure, but you'll be better for it.

Oct 23, 2018

Seems like it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes, you're forced to sacrifice something, and eventually you'll have to make a choice. It might seem like the end of the world now but my guess is that pretty soon you'll get through this and find someone else who values your decisions.

Oct 23, 2018

Hey Guys,

I have my last final in 12 hours (last exam I need to pass before I can officially graduate) so I'll be quick. I still feel like shit, however, actually I can start with the analyst class in 2019. Therefore, I will be solo-backpacking in Asia and South America for the next 6/7 Months.

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Oct 25, 2018
URMkid:

Hey Guys,

I have my last final in 12 hours (last exam I need to pass before I can officially graduate) so I'll be quick. I still feel like shit, however, actually I can start with the analyst class in 2019. Therefore, I will be solo-backpacking in Asia and South America for the next 6/7 Months.

Congrats, great decision - you'll love it. Can't emphasize that enough. Be very social (hostels, couchsurfing meetups, pub crawls, etc.)

Oct 25, 2018
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Oct 25, 2018