I'm lost and desperately need help

I know I will get over it, but I'm feeling depressed and just need to get it out.

My Ex just broke up with me and told me that she's seeing another guy, mainly because of my life choices.
Let me elaborate on my Background and last 4-year long relationship.

I'm the first one of my family to graduate HS and one of the few of my high school who went to a college. And probably the only one who managed to get into a target school since the founding of my school.

Also, I'm 21 years old and just received an FT offer for abroad in London (I'm from a small European country), however, my ex already began seeing the new guy during my internship because I only had time for her when I came back home. (She literally expected me to call her during work and responds to her texts within minutes)

Actually, she started to become cold towards me when I started studying at a "target" school, which was multiple hours away from home, instead of just working a regular job or choosing the local community college/state school. Furthermore, she told me I changed and was frustrated because I was focusing too much on my education/career instead of doing drugs with her stupid and unemployed friends.
She then told me that she's a disgrace for me because she only barely passed her GED (equivalent) and decided that she wants to drop out of the local college (because she thinks it's too difficult). She only did the GED and enrolled in college because I put a lot of pressure on her (which is true).

Also, she wanted to get married in the next one or two years and get children. And this is just not possible with my plans. Now she's fucking an 18-year-old (WTF?!) HS drop out who works as a construction worker.

I just wanted to get this out. I feel fucking lost, especially now since I'm going to move abroad and don't know anyone (besides other interns). Do you guys have any tips on how I should approach the future? I'm extremely grateful for all your advice!

WSO Elite Modeling Package

  • 6 courses to mastery: Excel, Financial Statement, LBO, M&A, Valuation and DCF
  • Elite instructors from top BB investment banks and private equity megafunds
  • Includes Company DB + Video Library Access (1 year)

Comments (51)

Most Helpful
Oct 22, 2018 - 10:07pm

If only you could know how "best case scenario" everything you just wrote was...

in it 2 win it
  • 32
Oct 25, 2018 - 7:58pm

Agreed. It sounds like you're going places, and she isn't

"There's nothing you can do if you're too scared to try." - Nickel Creek
  • 3
Learn More

300+ video lessons across 6 modeling courses taught by elite practitioners at the top investment banks and private equity funds -- Excel Modeling -- Financial Statement Modeling -- M&A Modeling -- LBO Modeling -- DCF and Valuation Modeling -- ALL INCLUDED + 2 Huge Bonuses.

Learn more
Oct 22, 2018 - 11:05pm

If you don't mind me asking, where are you from?

As someone not much older than you, I can say I know that this all seems like a big deal, but honestly you have a lot ahead of you. Your horizons will be so broad, this will be but a speck in the distance.

She has shown her true self, and its not nearly the best thing for you. You can do better, and you deserve better. Its time to cut your losses.

Oct 22, 2018 - 11:53pm

Everyone from the top to the bottom has problems. Problems make for better stories later, without them life would be pretty boring, and you would have little sense of accomplishment.

Whatever is wrong just get through it by accepting the challenge, focusing on what you have going for you and putting the past behind.

If you went to a non target, you would have the problem of thinking you were mediocre, now going to a target you have the problem of a girlfriend who was not the most happy that you went there whilst she got a GDE. I think I would take the second scenario. No matter what, life always comes at you and will be a bitch sometimes. If you've made it this far keep going and don't let this hold you back

Oct 23, 2018 - 6:12am

Thanks for all your comments! I felt a little bit better this morning ( after crying the whole night haha). She just called me and told me that both of them want to start a family (again they're 18 and 21), she just wanted to say sorry and told me that I'm a remarkable person and she's grateful for getting to know me etc. I got mad and screamed at her, she started crying and I hang up. Now I feel bad for doing this since this was probably the last time I was talking to her.

I'm also upset because I realized how much life has changed. I don't have contact with my old friends anymore. They're in rehab, jail or just work blue-collar jobs. She was the last person I knew from my childhood and old environment.

When I was still a teenager I never wanted to change. However, when I started uni I was interacting more with people from expensive boarding schools. Naturally, I changed and I don't know if I should be proud of this.

Again, thank you!

Oct 23, 2018 - 10:57am

You're in a new part of your life now. I had something similar when I dated someone for years back then. I've been single for a couple of years now because I'm continuing to grow, change, and become a better, more well rounded person. If someone wants to stifle your growth for nothing other than selfishness, then cut them off. She is selfish and wants to keep you down (crabs in a bucket mentality, look that up) in order to feel better about herself and her situation.

You escaped my friend, just as I did, from the existence that is abject poverty. Continue to better yourself and make your life your own. Your old life will seem alien to you after a while but that is normal.

Good luck my friend and don't look back!

Oct 23, 2018 - 1:15pm

Enjoy your life, you are one of us now. Future will be great

Cash and cash equivalents: $138,311 Financial instruments and other inventory positions owned: $448,166
Oct 23, 2018 - 7:40am

Not sure how anyone of this is a problem. The problem would be staying with her.

Oct 23, 2018 - 8:01am

You're very young and your best years are still ahead of you. This will pass. And it sounds like you dodged a bullet anyway.

Oct 23, 2018 - 11:44am

This was an interesting read. At the end of the day, just move on. She already has and the door is closed. People like you and on this board think they aren't supposed to take Ls. But everyone does in life. Just have to be comfortable with the Ls you take. I think this is one of those.

You made your choice. So has she. That's life. Time to live with it and make the next decisions that will further your life and contribute to the direction you want to go in. Don't think about her and decisions you made in your past too much. Think about what's happening currently. You'll be a lot better off because of it. I made that mistake and it's not worth it.

Oct 23, 2018 - 11:56am

Bro I'm sorry I can't tell you how you should feel.

But OPEN your fucking eyes. You are so much better than that female it's sickening. Go get yourself a real woman who deserves you. (pause no homo)

Oct 23, 2018 - 12:02pm

Man you (1) are young, (2) have a great opportunity to move FT to London and leave probably a shitty European country.

London is full of beatiful girls from all over the globe that will make you forget your ex very soon so pack you things, stop crying and leave the country

Array
Oct 23, 2018 - 12:22pm

She'll always be a part of your memory. At a certain time she was good for you, and then you simply grew apart. That is part of life for so many different things. Learn to engage in the now, appreciate the past for what it was, and plan for the future.

I highly recommend reading this book and adopting a Stoic philosophy: "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius, who was a legendary Emperor of Rome.

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
  • 1
Oct 23, 2018 - 1:01pm
Synergy_or_Syzygy:

I highly recommend reading this book and adopting a Stoic philosophy: "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius, who was a legendary Emperor of Rome.

Great call! I've read Meditations more than once over the years, incredibly straight forward, not fussy in style and it's available to read online for free...

http://classics.mit.edu/Antoninus/meditations.html

Oct 23, 2018 - 1:07pm

Thanks and +1 for the free link! No excuses now, OP, your Dominatrix said so.

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
Oct 23, 2018 - 12:25pm

Reiterating what's already been said here, you are actually far better off knowing that you've outgrown a number of people in your life, that if you chose to keep them in your world, they would very likely hold you back and negatively impact your future.

If she wants a family today and you want to wait or you don't want children at all, this is rarely a topic where both parties can be made happy. Don't concern yourself with her choices, she's apparently already moved on and so should you.

Granted, when you are young, you often think that the friends you have now will always be your friends. The loss of the girlfriend and the friends sucks and I have no wish to belittle your feelings, but with time, you will feel differently about these losses.

As you gain more life experience, more work experience and start meeting, socializing and working with a more diverse group of people... you will look back on this quite differently than you do now, when the wound is fresh.

You have already accomplished a great deal, in regards to school and work. I hope that the London offer provides you with many amazing opportunities in work, life, love and play!

Keep us posted and good luck!

Oct 23, 2018 - 2:22pm

Alright,

Me and my ex are "on a break" which means its effectively over, but let me tell you I have never been more free. The amount of time that I had between studying for the CFA and working 60-70 hour weeks pretty much left all of my free time going straight to her.

I have time for myself now, build back old friendships that grew apart, watch that movie without trying to convince her it's entertaining and having her talk throughout it all, etc., its really nice. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed spending time with her, but if my career and ambitious are going to get in the way of it, then it just wasn't meant to be.

Looks like you're in a similar albeit excessive situation. Its a weird adjustment for sure, but you'll be better for it.

Oct 23, 2018 - 3:47pm

Seems like it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes, you're forced to sacrifice something, and eventually you'll have to make a choice. It might seem like the end of the world now but my guess is that pretty soon you'll get through this and find someone else who values your decisions.

Oct 25, 2018 - 6:06pm

Hey Guys,

I have my last final in 12 hours (last exam I need to pass before I can officially graduate) so I'll be quick. I still feel like shit, however, actually I can start with the analyst class in 2019. Therefore, I will be solo-backpacking in Asia and South America for the next 6/7 Months.

Oct 25, 2018 - 6:31pm
URMkid:

Hey Guys,

I have my last final in 12 hours (last exam I need to pass before I can officially graduate) so I'll be quick. I still feel like shit, however, actually I can start with the analyst class in 2019. Therefore, I will be solo-backpacking in Asia and South America for the next 6/7 Months.

Congrats, great decision - you'll love it. Can't emphasize that enough. Be very social (hostels, couchsurfing meetups, pub crawls, etc.)

Array
Oct 25, 2018 - 7:54pm

You've got the world by the balls right now. Bottom line is that she was super insecure and probably wouldn't have lasted much longer with you anyways. She's not a terrible person, just had a confidence issue, which ends up hurting not only her but people around her. Go chase some tail, travel, save money when you start working, continue to chase tail, and you'll be over it faster than a Bangkok stripper gets through an 8-ball.

"Who am I? I'm the guy that does his job. You must be the other guy."
Jul 18, 2019 - 4:49pm

My guy - it's hard to believe us here now but if you keep focusing on your own goals/chase your dreams and she sees that you're happy and successful, she'll realize her life is a joke dating these deadbeats and end up regretting this decision.

Might not happen tomorrow or even a year from now, but you have to be a rock and not be swayed by things like this. Find people who fit around your priorities; don't change who you are for a woman - that will likely lead to demise.

Jul 18, 2019 - 7:48pm

As heard before and mostly true "time heals all wounds", don't apply this to every single situation. There is nothing wrong with wanting to go to a good school and be successful in the future. Realistically, would you want to be some girl who you have a family with who you can barely support or find someone who can hold their own. Some of the best advice I have ever heard is "work hard in silence, let success make the noise".

"It's okay, I'll see you on the other side"
Dec 29, 2020 - 12:01pm

Although that news might not come as a surprise, I'd suggest you stop constantly checking what she's doing and extracting emotional satisfaction from her poor state. Whatever she's done, it's still (should be) unfortunate that someone you loved / cared about in past ended up being a prostitute. It would benefit you if you stopped looking for external validation from her poor decisions, you went through tough times and I'm assuming it worked out great for you - no need to double check that. Unless you want to help her out, stop digging into her life and enjoy your present / future. 

  • Analyst 2 in IB - Ind
Dec 29, 2020 - 12:29pm

Fully agree with this. This is a terribly sad situation - not sure how you're handling it, but I don't think it's good for your mental health regardless to keep her on your radar and digging into the past.

Dec 29, 2020 - 2:21pm
http://www.series65examtutor.com
Start Discussion

Total Avg Compensation

July 2021 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (10) $853
  • Vice President (36) $363
  • Associates (210) $232
  • 2nd Year Analyst (121) $152
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (28) $146
  • Intern/Summer Associate (102) $144
  • 1st Year Analyst (449) $132
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (358) $82