Mario - Rational asset allocator, owns a good mix of low-cost index funds and ETFS
Luigi - Incapable of second level thinking, investment theses are that he "believes in it", writes disingenuous Seeking Alpha articles, has sold out at the bottom of every correction since the .com bubble
Princess Peach - Exclusively invests in ideas off of VIC and Sumzero
Yoshi - Options nerd
Koopa - Classic value guy, can quote Munger and Buffett in his sleep, rants about how much he hates std dev as a measurement of risk in his shareholder letters
Daisy - Definitely works for an ESG fund
Lakitu - Quant with a PhD in physics from MIT
Bowser - Hardass deal junkie MD, makes misogynistic comments to female coworkers and sends analysts 14 hours worth of work at 2am telling them "not to burn the midnight oil on this one"
Drybones - Crypto enthusiast, doesn't shut up about blockchain, still lives in his parent's basement
Donkey Kong - Asian debt trader with absolutely no sense of risk, former CDO guy that helped engineer the 2008 crisis
Shy Guy - Mid-size city hedge fund guy who has murdered the market every year since 1990 but no one knows he exists
Waluigi - Exotic options trader, probably worked for LTCM
Wario - Macro hedge fund guy, doesn't sleep, on and off cocaine addict, spends 90% of his day reading news
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