My Personal Gym Shit List
Welcome to a personal rant. I don't care that this looks like a Buzzfeed listicle, because I've got a bone to pick and my opinions matter the most.
Here are the five types at my gym that I wish would instantly disappear, leaving only me and the other swole gods, and a bunch of hot girls.
1) Projectile Sweaters
These dudes (they're always male) are usually the size of a refrigerator, have a towel draped uselessly around their necks, and in addition to spraying their nasty sweat everywhere, like to drink water by pouring into their mouths from a distance and getting at least half of it on the weight rack. Bonus point for rocket body hair that ends up on me from ten feet away.
2) Dumb Instagram Bitches
Maybe you're a 10. If you're an actual 10, spend all the time posing and twerking in front of the weight rack you want, honey. But more likely, you're a 5 with a doomed New Year's Resolution. Get the fuck away from the mirror, I need it to admire my own perfect form.
3) Erik
Erik thinks we're friends because, for a while, we would spot each other on the bench without speaking. He had to fucking ruin it by asking me to come with him to his brother's DJ night at a club in Jersey.
4) Cardio Boy-Men
These 115-pound lightweights spend two hours on the treadmill everyday in the winter but aren't willing to work in a god damn 5 minute lifting set. These are grown men wearing women's headbands, for god's sake. If you need a headband, you need a haircut (and a shrink for your gender issues). Your marathon shirt from 2014 smells like shit. Go to Central Park and run from the hobos at night. Leave the cardio machines for the old people trying to stave off death for one more day.
5) Snitches
I bring performance-enhancing drugs (and other substances) to the gym. Obviously a flask of Woodford and Creatine is coming with me, as is my little bottle of pre-workout with a few drops of liquid molly, on occasion. My workout is my business. My life is my business. However, some nosy motherfuckers (probably the 80something widow with an idiotic amount of money who lives on my new floor) have made it their business too, and now the gym manager - a tightwad bitch who glares at everyone while they exercise, who, because this is a "boutique" gym with "elite" clientele, probably gets paid almost a quarter of what I make to basically wipe jizz out of the shower - has eyes all over me, and not in a way like she wants to fuck me (though I definitely could/would bang).
Mod Note (Andy): top 50 posts of 2017, this one ranks #42 (based on # of silver bananas)
Number 3 was good lmao
What's wrong with DJ night? I don't know what that is but I assume there'd be drinks there.
Lmao @ cardio boy-men
"If you need a headband, you need a haircut "
don't hate the flow, bro.. hoover swoop to post grad slick back
the cardio-boys need to stick to soul cycle and the 5's who think i'm taking a quick peek should recognize that i'd rather stick my bratwurst in a Ninja/Vitamix blender before i continue down that aisle
All these appear universally applicable to almost every gym in the world...
btw, what's that exercise in the gif? Looks like a serious case of fuckaroundtitis
There's a perpetually fat guy and often very smelly guy at my gym who basically does that with a bit more pulling. Just waiting for homeboy to throw his back out.
Oh man shit people come up with
.
slightly disagree. my gym only has 3 benches and 3 power racks, so you legit need to stake it out like a vulture, but at a safe distance. I never ask to work in, because it's not that big a deal, but I hate when someone's like "can I work in?" and then you find out they're doing something that requires you stripping the weights each time and changing the setup, fuck that.
also hate the guys that do ridiculously long rep schemes during prime time. I actually had someone tell me they had 12 sets of bench left...after they had already done 5. this is the YMCA, not westside barbell.
FTB, love "Erik." there's one bro like that at our gym who gives everyone the upward "sup?!" nod everytime he sees you, even if he's never introduced himself, and always says things like "NICE" (when you lift anything over 135) and "you gettin it in huh?!" shut the fuck up dude, it's one thing to be friendly, but you're just sad.
maybe this is just at my prole gym, but I hate old lifters. we have this group of about 8 of em that take literally every dumbbell and 3 weight benches for about 45 minutes. they wear weight belts for doing bicep curls, fingerless gloves to do bench press with 30lb dumbbells, and never get out of the way if you're trying to walk past because they're too busy comparing colonoscopy prep notes. it's like jesus marvin, I have 90s in my hands, can you not stand with your ass right over my face?!
whenever I get a house with a garage, I'm building my own gym, power rack, sauna, and most of all: no talking.
I am fine with working in as long as we are doing the same exercise/weight. Unloading and re-loading plates is a major annoyance. Agreed on the home gym. Either a basement or garage will be turned into a home gym with a sauna at some point in my life
The awkwardly nice guy just sounds like a funny situation but could get annoying after awhile. My old gym had the guy who would do the "WHAT'S UP" chin nod while throwing a backwards and sideways peace sign. Fucking stupid of him but he was the nicest dude ever, so can't complain too much. Everything you said is on point though.
What about the Pseudo Arnolds and jackasses who do unnecessary grunting? I've heard less sound effects watching women's tennis.
No talking, no cell phones, no curls, no calf raises, no sitting down & no gloves
You forgot the "I'm doing rotation on these 8 machines, sorry you can't work in'-guy
The worst. I fucking hate that guy. "Sorry, I'm going to be doing 4 sets of a 10 exercise circuit utilizing pretty much every station in the entire gym. Can you wait like 30 minutes?"
SUPERSET!
The 50-something guy who regularly does his neck stretching routine for 20 minutes while sitting on the bench press bench tests my patience.
and when dudes sit on the bench texting for five minutes in between sets
This is incredibly annoying. People should spend $50 on an iPod shuffle, and leave their fucking phones in their lockers. Texting/IG/Candy Crush can wait until you're done.
i never understood those motherfuckers who insist on performing their dumbbell exercises directly behind the dumbbell rack. I dont feel bad at all when i have to make them step to the side during their exercise so i can grab some weights.
I hate it when someone leaves their water/towel at the machine. I'm always left with the moral conundrum--do I take the machine because someone simply forgot their water or do I find another machine because the person will be "right back"?
Another pet peeve of mine is when I go to a gigantic gym at a weird hour when it's practically empty and the ONE machine I need to finish up my workout is being used by the one other person in the gym. Ugh!!!
Also, cardio-boy. Yeah, I mean, I thought modern exercise science has pretty much demonstrated how worthless long-distance running is in comparison to strength training.
Ditto - what to do with the lonely water bottle on the bench. I am studying at the moment so go to anti-social hours at the gym, for some reason the 4 squat racks are ALWAYS taken..
Death sentence to those who use our machines!!! >:L
Dishonorable mention goes out to those who do anything except squat in the squat rack.
neg train choo choo
yeah, or the ones that do ab/oblique exercises using the bench press
Also anyone who does curls with the barbell.
Starting Strength. Page 280.
"The problem [with curved bar curls] is that it doesn't work. EZ Curls are not nearly as effective as straight-bar curls for recruiting bicep contraction. This is because the degree of supination of the forearm and hand directly affects the amount of bicep in contraction, as discussed earlier. The EZ Curl bar does in fact take the stress of supination off of the wrists and elbows, but it does so at the expense of a quality bicep contraction. The camber of the bar is specifically intended to decrease the supination of the forearm, and anything less than full supination results in a less-than-complete biceps contraction."
But yeah don't do them IN a rack intended for other exercises. One of the exercises can be done anywhere, the other can't.
Unless you are doing military press. Anything else is unacceptable
Awesome pics. Great size. Look thick. Solid. Tight. Keep us all posted on your continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips. Show us what you got man. Wanna see how freakin' huge, solid, thick and tight you can get. Thanks for the motivation.
There's a guy that does a whole shadowboxing routine right next to the squat rack while you're using it, and every single time before he squats. Occasionally he switches it up for a "swish" free throw motion.
Special shoutout to the dudes who go to the gym... only to do a bodyweight workout. At Gold's Gym in downtown Austin, there was a guy who would go during peak time and flail around the free weight with all kinds of tricks. Doing the pull-up-then-windmill-your-legs-perpendicular-to-the-floor-so-nobody-else-can-get-within-ten-feet-of-the-entire-cable-rig was a common one. Just do sit ups. Throw in a twist if you have to. Jesus.
I walked in one Saturday morning and saw him walking on his hands in the aisle between the bench and the squat racks. Multiple "sets" of aisle-blocking handstand walks. At the end of the workout I went to the front desk and cancelled my membership, finally realizing that I can afford to/am willing to pay at least double to avoid this shit.
There is an element of the population that is neither self-conscious nor self-aware. Some of them may score fairly high on the sociopath chart.
I'm a bodyweight exercise dude for most of the upperbody stuff - but I don't do fucking ab windmills or whatever they are called. I'll still go to the gym for bodyweight shit because I don't exactly have pullup bars in my apartment and don't have the weights for weighted pullups/dips, etc. Plus the gym has rings, boxes, etc...
Muscle mass is negatively correlated with IQ.
dyel
Bloodflow to the head is restricted with too much muscle mass.
The number of #firstworldproblems is strong here.
I also expected the opposite in a forum dedicated to finance
I moved to a new city and started at a high-end gym, and my god do I miss my hometown gym. Back home, we had the Gold's Gyms where you'd find the roided out dbags, etc., but not my gym. The new gym has those (so I'm not complaining about city). Most of my complaints are appearance-based, and I know that makes me a judgmental douche as well, but oh well.
-Those fucking "muscle" tanktops that look like women's sports bras...You know the ones that have a skinny strap on the back (https://www.etsy.com/listing/238969353/workout-tank-tops-shirt-muscle-t…). -Wearing a sweatshirt with the hood up while working out - I get it if you are a competitive wrestler and you're trying to make weight or whatever...but you look like a fucking tool otherwise. -Those toe shoes. Good God I am glad those are disappearing. I actually have no problem wanting to work out in their socks or whatever, but those shoes make you look like a damn gecko. -Those high-altitude oxygen masks. Are you trying to look like Bane? Here's an idea - cut your rests shorter and do an exercise that gets your heart going faster (think HIIT). Not only do they look stupid as fuck, but they probably aren't doing much on your 10-rep box jumps with a 2-minute rest between the next set.
Also, those oxygen marks do nothing related to simulated altitude training. It's merely restricting your airflow, not thinning the air. So if you're trying to get some hypoxic training in (as competitive swimmers often do) strap it up, Bane. If not, you're creeping everybody out.
Yep, seen two people wearing them in the month I've been there. Stupid. Also, love when people where weightlifting shoes but only do upperbody exercises. I'll give them some benefit that they may have done leg work when I didn't see them, but if not...
Whats with guys wearing leggings now?
I've noticed the same thing--it's repugnant. Granted, it isn't ubiquitous, but I've seen more men wearing leggings and short-shorts. These men should be shot in the head.
It's called compression and is what professional athletes wear even your heroic football players.
Yeah, I don't know. I've noticed it a lot too. I'm not even a fan of the look with shorts, but that's just me.
Don't forget the ugly chick that spreads her legs on the inner outer thigh machine for 30 minutes straight
and then pretends to be annoyed because, obviously, all the savages are looking at her spreading her legs
Number 2 definitely, Although it is not just limited to girls. Some guys with no gains usually take pics as well...DYEL BRAH?
I'm surprised that type of stuff wasn't on the original list tbh
Are we talking Psychotic or more Tren? Btw, what do you need liquid molly for in your pre-workout?
Lol. This is such a conundrum. The people at the gym are trying to make their lives better. Who cares what you think.
I think being a person who writes a rant list on WSO about people at the gym is the same type of person others don't want to be around at the gym.
>goes to gym >is a good person >writes on a forum
You can only pick two. Figure it out.
Seriously. You're a prick.
Ok Erik
Best possible response.
Planet Fitness member, yes?
STFU geed
could you be more of an accountant, what a nimwad!
The most annoying folks in my gym are those steroid pumped douchebags who think they're entitled because they can lift more than the average person. Their increased testosterone levels also don't make them the most pleasant people to be around.
Thank god they mostly stick to their budget gyms because they can't afford the upper scale places.
Sounds like you're just salty about being small.
Sounds like you recognized yourself in my post.
the steroid dudes are angry because they have small testicles. what's the point of getting huge when you loose your manhood and become a psycho?
tren hard brah
Right, and in the upscale places you have all those 35+ guys on steroids as HRT for "anti-aging"...huge difference obviously
You mean rich senior bankers as opposed to poor blue collar schmucks? Yeah I prefer them.
https://www.reddit.com/r/starterpacks/comments/5li2b4/gym_goer_starterp…
Pretty funny
Leggings / tights on dudes. Especially without any shorts over them. Where I live it is ~70 degrees, why do you need those? Aren't you already warm?
Mentioned above, but Bain masks drive me nuts.
The fitness industry is arguably the breeding ground for weird gimmicks isn't it?
Bain masks suck, I much prefer McKinsey ones.
The ONLY time it is suitable for a man to wear leggings is when they're doing the NFL combine.. and I'm sure the guys who go to my gym aren't in Mel Kiper's big board
great post. these are some of the reasons I go to the gym at 4:30 AM.
Agreed. Best time ever.
Woodford and creatine...mmmm...
lol, you guys will like this guy's gym idiots series.
Not a fan of the guy talking - way too monotone for my taste - but good clips for the most part. Some of those are just unfortunate accidents. And the rest are just fucking stupid.
The one type of gym guy you guys forgot to mention is the jersey/shersey who rocks a near full uniform while working out.. I MEAN COME ON KOBE BRYANT WAS RIGHT NEXT TO ME MAN I CAN'T BELIEVE IT
Yeah, true. Got one guy to get fully outfitted by MJ himself, though.
Has been mentioned before but: Curls in the squat rack especially as my gym only has one squat rack.
.
I understand some rep schemes require a lot of sets, like various powerlifting pyramids designed to increase your 1RM, but if your gym only has a couple barbells and it's primetime on a weeknight, save that shit for another time. if you're not training for an IPF meet, you don't need to do 15 sets of 3 reps on squats with 5 minute breaks in between. if you want to do that shit, find a powerlifting gym.
I fucking hate that.
Yeah. My reps and workout routines go on for hours, so I try to be considerate to other people.
Can't believe that there are still gyms without liquid chalk.
When you can deadlift 4-plates, you'll understand the necessity of chalk.
I shit four plates. Chalk is for hopscotch.
I do. And I use liquid chalk to do it.
hahahaha wrecked
This morning I saw a guy about 25 with a barbwire tattoo, that's all I needed to know.
Funny how that sometimes goes eh? And b*tches still claim you shouldn't judge a book by its cover and yet it fits spot on so often
Can't stand fuckbois that think they're hard for heavy accessory lifts but can't bench/squat/deadlift for shit.
Amen
Lmao I dont usually log in anymore, but I logged in just to give OP a SB
Sb'd
Another one (but maybe not applicable to the US due to people generally having more refined sense of smell): I hate to step in the locker room and a guy has just sprayed massive amounts of some appalling deoderant/bodyspray on himself, like Axe. Not sure, if that is worse or someone who has not taken a shower in a while, which is then amplified by some cheap synthetic fiber, which generally smells right out of the washer already.
Axe is hilarious. It is definitely one of those things in our generation. I mean the people that use it seem to think it works to smell fresh and attract chicks as the marketing suggests. And to their defense it probably does... but these chicks are trash. It's like a trash magnet. Nationwide. Guys, Axe has done it.
Damn I didn't know so many guys on WSO worked out. You go to one of the gatherings in the city, and you see a bunch of cardio bunnies coming to attend...hmm
that's because everyone is at the gym pumping iron. Obviously no time to attend any gatherings, wtf dude?
It's because the pump feels like cumming as Arnold explains so well
1) Over zealous, but out of shape trainers. These guys try to sell you all the time (Equinox being the biggest offender) yet they have guts and think taking down a whey shake neutralizes the steady diet of Five Guys. Not saying they can't be knowledgeable, but it's pretty tough to take lifting/training advice from Michael Moore
Considering how fat the world seems to get, these trainers are the new elite weekend warriors. in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king
You go to Equinox for the females in yoga pants, not to lift. lol
+SB
It's like leading an AA meeting with a bottle of Jack.
in the gym i go to in nyc, theres been an increasing number of guys who feel no shame wearing boots (like Timberland boots) and jeans and long sleeves just working the benches and cables... i mean come on, these jokesters look more ridiculous than the 130lb guys who wear those super tight borderline spandex outfits constantly flexing to see if some miraculous gains have been achieved after 1 set. sooner or later, these guys will start working out in button downs and dress shoes
i swear the middle aged ladies that come to my gym have more balls than most of the guys
basically, if you have a haircut like this (especially with thick framed glasses and/or a beard), there's a very high chance you're going to annoy me at the gym: https://www.google.com/search?q=hitler+youth+haircut
My initial workout warmups look real hipster/rasta. I start my jump rope like that.
There is a guy at my gym who makes funny noises when he does anything. It used to annoy the shit out of me, but now it makes me literally laugh out loud. I can't help it. The problem is, this guy is an ACCIDENTAL comedian. He doesn't think that what he's doing is funny at all. He's completely serious while just making these awkward grunts, and then saying, "Oh...fuck me..." A LOT. He's a fucking liability, since it's impossible to lift and laugh at the same time. The last thing you want while benching is a giggle fit. Best case scenario: you look weak AF as you attempt to push up a weight you'd normally rep while simultaneously looking like a psychopath because you're laughing at a thing no one else even heard.
New Rule: NO COMEDIANS AT THE GYM.
My headphones are so loud I can't hear anything.
Just to be clear, his 'Oh...fuck me..' comments aren't like him staring into the mirror American Psycho-style. It's more like, "Oh God, I'm so fucking old and tired. Why the fuck am I here? Oh...fuck me, the weights are all the way over there--I might as well kill myself. Oh...fuck me, I can't be sure I didn't shit a little on that last rep."
I go to a commercial gym due to its proximity to the office. The list of annoyances is extensive. Some of the main ones: - There are two squat racks, but you can bet your ass that one will always have a TRX or gymnastics rings hooked up to it where a personal trainer with cereal box qualifications is idly watching some poor, out of shape soul flounder around like goddamn magikarp. There's also a 75% chance the other one is being used by somebody who's got 135lbs and a pussy pad on the bar and is just wrapping up his first set of half-squats/good mornings. - The absence of circular plates. Whoever invented the hexagonal shit-plates that every commercial gym seems to stock should be whipped to death with a TRX. Not only are these things a good half inch smaller in diameter than normal plates, but after each rep on deadlifts they will roll away from you in some random angle. When you're trying to do a set with 4 plates, you end up having to chase the barbell like a dumbass, completely killing your rhythm. - No chalk. Normal chalk, liquid chalk, the trainers/janitorial staff give 0 shits, you can't use it because it leaves the floor looking stained. I guess it looks a lot better when you drop 500lbs on that floor leaving it (even more) dented and chipped. - The bothersome trainers. No it's not too much weight, yes I'm fine to do my set on squats without your creepy gym teacher ass standing behind me, and no I would not like to use the smith machine instead. - Dyslexic plate math. You should never need more than two plates of a given weight on the bar except for 45's. I love it when I can't find any 25lbs plates in the entire gym, and then realize it's because Dopey thought it would look cool to load up his 195lbs bench with all 25's "cuz it looks cool on the instagrams bro". - Reracking the weights. If I can rerack all the plates after deadlifts, you can rerack the plates you used to do curls. And put them back into the right place for fuck's sake. Whenever I have to dig through five layers of random plates on the plate tree to get to the 45 I need, it makes me lose a little more faith in humanity each time.
I agree with all of these. Trainers are esp. the worst, the way they conduct their business just doesn't even make sense.
Others I would like to add: -When people lift in a crowded gym like they are the only ones there. Dude don't stand in front of the dumbbell rack doing curls blocking all the other weights. Also don't superset and look at me like I'm an idiot when I hop in between your "circuit" -Guys with bad form and un-intentional half reps -People "saving" equipment. Usually chicks, walk into the gym put their phone on open trendmill, then go to the locker room, 15 minutes later come back.
The reracking is a big one for me. Who are these fuck faces that refuse to leave the gym clean and put stuff back in their proper place? These people are so soft that they can’t put weights back because they’re sore from lifting 20 pounds. Then I have to rerack, scour the gym for weights before I can even start my sets. Those people should burn
People who turn down the sauna can eat a dick. I superglued the dial to 10 last week.
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