"Not technical or polished enough for someone obtaining an MSF"-Resume critic by an ED at a BB

I've met with countless people and all seemed to go well, except with an ED but it was merely constructive criticism. He mentioned that he would be happy to help once I fixed up my resume, mainly because my experience portion of my internships is not technical or polished enough for someone obtaining an MSF. That being said he is known for being a douche, but any criticism is good criticism for me at this point, so let me know what you guys think. I'm specifically more interested in this past summer's IB SA internship, as he said I should be more detailed.

I've changed my personal information to keep it discreet as well.

Any input is appreciated.

Attachment Size
WSOResume.doc 43 KB 43 KB
 

I agree. This resume needs work. You need to build out your experience more, show results, tangible actions. I'd move your education below work experience. Look at the M&I template. You have the content to make it work, but you need to present it better.

 

I believe what he is referring to is the absolute lack of any quantifiable data in your resume.

“Compiled and analyzed a master database of potential Private Equity buyers and targets to increase group efficiency and recognize trends in the sector as well as opportunities for clients”

How big was the database? How many people at the firm utilized it? When you add numbers to a resume, it gives someone reading it a better way to understand what you did. And in an entry-level position, it adds credibility to what may otherwise seem like non-impressive work.

 

You don't include a single number under any positions listed in your Experience section...I would fix that first and foremost.

Also the formatting, separate the sections. The whole resume just seems to blend together.

Lastly, like @TNA said I'd move your Work Experience to the top. In addition, I would get rid of the Coursework section...should give you more room to increase the font that way you don't have to squint to read it.

 
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