Please help: does love really overcome differences??

I think you're in the wrong forum for seeking this advice - but if you feel that loved and 'don't care about money,' why are you even asking this question?

You're probably dating a cuck and are doomed to a life of unhappiness if you stay with him. However, corporations & a career are also poor substitutes for a good man.

So, the real question is, do you want children more than a successful career? That answer will dictate your path

Gonna need more info on what your BF does/his career goals. My wife will likely never have a job making as much as I did coming out of school and she's totally fine with that. That doesn't mean she isn't ambitious or doesn't work hard, it's just because of the field she's in.

I disagree with it being a decision between wanting kids and having a career. You can do both if you find another guy, and that's exactly what the problem with the current dude is: he makes you arrive at this crossroads.

My advice is to get out as soon as possible. The sooner you do, the less bad you'll feel about it. Low-motivation dudes are everywhere and almost all have the best intentions but with 0% chance of acting on them. It signals a lack of maturity and poor understanding of the world on his part that will piss you off in just a matter of time.

Edit: and BTW, this is all relative. There's nothing wrong with the way he is, it's just that you need to think about you. If you don't want to be a certain way, don't marry the lifestyle, or you'll be answering to "why do you have to work so much?" one day.

If the guy is talking about marrying and you don't feel like you don't want to spend the rest of your life with him, get out ASAP. The fact that you ask yourself these questions says enough.. beter cut it off now instead of waiting longer and making it harder on both of you.

I was that guy you are speaking of in your post. Mind you, I am posting this having a few beers in my hand, along with some music that brought up some good memories I had shared with my ex-fiance.

It was well worth for me and her to break off, being that she came from a wealthy Singapore/Indonesia family (+1m in revenue for her family business and she pursued IB despite that), and me coming from a poverish-low income background.

She loved me for me, money was never a factor in our relationship. Even the ring I gave her to remember me by was what I could afford, I have been told she still wears it. If we had married, she'd lose the wealth of her family, and it was not something I wanted for her.

I'd always felt I held her back, deep f**king down inside. It ate me like a cancer to the point I could not hold it. I initiated the break off, and eventually developed my own terms of ambition and desires. If I had been the man back then I am now, I'd been married and happy with her. However, the cold hard truth - money does play a role in marriage, esp when it comes to income.

I am a tad drunk, a long sad week.

TL;DR - I would talk to him, but don't let this hold you back. Put food and shelter, along with your career and ambitions ahead. Up and when you decide to settle down, then do so at your own conditions. Don't let pretty words cloud your judgement.

Wrong forum, ask reddit..

So according to WSO, outside Wall Street means you're less motivated. claps

So you like him, but you don't want to settle because you could achieve someone better with the same mindset and personality as you.

You're asking this question because you're uncertain about your decision.

You either:

Discuss with him about it, Break up with him or Stay with him.

But I want to let you know that you're asking this question because you have doubts. So you're already doubting the relationship and that's unhealthy if it continues.

babe, if you want a real man, you will need to forego your current career for family + charity, non-profits. Would you be willing to do it?

Hey, thanks for posting.

I'm by no means an expert, but these are my thoughts: being in a relationship is all about acceptance. It's about knowing, understanding, and caring for the other person as they are for who they are. If you're in a relationship with someone and you're wishing that they're something else, frankly speaking, you're looking at things from a distorted perspective of reality- you're not seeing him/her for who they are.

Speaking as an ambitious guy, I understand where you're coming from because I could personally never date someone who isn't aligned with my goals. However, you should keep in mind that if you do decide to date a motivated and successful guy, I can almost completely guarantee you that you won't be "put first" as you've mentioned in your original post. If this is something that you're fine with in the long run (having a family where your spouse is never home and consistently aspiring to achieve), then by all means go for it.

The harsh reality is this: you're already having doubts about going the distance with this guy and those thoughts won't go away; rather, they'll just be suppressed over time and they'll resurface later when you see that nothing has changed (and why should your boyfriend change given that he's happy and comfortable living life the way that he does?). You can try to talk to your significant other, but I honestly doubt that he'll rewire his perspective on ambition just because you ask him to. If this were my situation, I'd end the relationship to save myself a lot of time and emotional distress in the long run.

Love is built on virtues like good health and an active, healthy lifestyle. Women aren't attracted to the fat guy with stained t-shirts, sitting on their mother's couch for a reason. And, for a guy to get a girl back to his room, he's got to offer something that will get her there. The love is the attachment to whatever these things are that keeps this guy looking healthy and vibrant, and whatever experiences he's drawing from that sound relatable or inspiring. Love isn't some extreme abstract power that ascends down on us to fix every broken corner just because.

Aristotle:

Friendship is perhaps the highest summit of the moral life. in which virtue and happiness are united. Friendship is a worthy outlet for the talents and energies of great-souled people. Friendship likewise completes and goes beyond justice. The goodness shown in noble friendships seems higher than justice because it is entirely dependent upon one's own character and choice and is not defined or compelled by law. Acts of friendship seem both more truly generous and more conducive to one's own happiness than acts done strictly because they are moral.

If you're miserable, maybe you should wait. Love doesn't fix things, but it is good to do things out of love. It's not always the case that because this guy is not driving a lambo working at some HF, he's the issue. If this guys offers other things by way of his passions and teaches you new things, what's wrong with that? Maybe the real issue is that you're just measuring guys by their wallet, instead of by who they are.

If you're talking to this guy this long and are considering marriage with him, I'm sure you are interested in him in a lot of ways. Drop looking at his wallet and focus on the things that you haven't been focusing on. If you can't find anything, then yeah, just move on. The answer to your OP question is, no love can't fix all things.

Would he stay at home with the kids?

You have not settled in any other aspect of your life yet. Why would you settle for him?

911013:

I'm 4 years into my Wall Street career and doing fairly well. I have a boyfriend of 3 years (I'm a woman) and he's talking about getting married. I need help/advice.

I love him, he's warm, funny, and always puts me first. BUT, he's not one of the smartest or most ambitious. I'm 5 years younger and makes more money, but he's pretty comfortable where he is. I have never owned a designer bag or been to ridiculously pricey restaurants even though I could afford them, but I do care a lot about money and status -- I came to the US all by myself at 17, I worked 3 jobs (18+ hours a day) when my college peers were backpacking with their parents' credit card; I worked hard to get to where I am and came a long way, that's why I don't want to settle to be Mrs 9-to-5 or Mrs I-retire-at-50-with-500k-in-my-401k-and-I'm-pretty-happy-about-that.

I know who my spouse is doesn't define me, but I don't know how I can spend the rest of my life with someone less motivated. It breaks my heart to think I might need to break up with someone who makes me feel loved that much, I am happy with him, but at the same time I have no desire to share that "mediocre""average Joe" life goal.

What do you think? Men or women, regardless of age, please let me know thoughts.

I have been on the other side as a guy and a former girlfriend called me "Mr. A (Ambitious)". If i'm neck deep in career responsibilities during a relationship and we don't have planned outings/dinners, I'll book my schedule and typically girls get flustered when they can't spend time. It has been a constant struggle with girls always wanting to spend more time and have more attention, when it always seems like I am more driven and a subject of constant drama.

So on the plus side for him, at least you can probably spend a lot of time together when you are free.

Everyone has deal breakers when searching for a potential partner. Sounds like yours is lack of motivation. Doesn't matter what someone's positives are if they hit a deal breaker, that's why they call it as such

I had the same issue with a girlfriend. She was not nearly as motivated and driven as I was. I broke up with her and we got back together 2 months later and have been together for the better part of four years, 1 yr since break.

I would say generally I had to accept we have our differences and considering I am very happy with everything else about her, it works out for the both of us.