Sorry for the title but i need help. I am currently applying for a summer analyst program abroad and I have a 3.3 at a non target. I am planning to send an email to the head of the investment banking abroad and want to write the best email I have ever sent. I need help
My name is BOB and I just applied for the Summer Analyst position in ____. I wanted to personally introduce myself because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me and I can not rest until I do as much as I can to get this position. I am currently a junior at the ______ with an emphasis in Economics and Mathematics and a minor in Philosophy.
Since I was young it has always been my dream to work in _____, especially in investment banking. I know exactly how much work and commitment this position requires and I am ready to show you how hard I can work. So could you please tell me what I can do to increase my chances of getting this position? I am willing to put in as much work as needed and will learn everything and more that I should know before the start of the program.
Also, I was wondering if you would be available for a brief phone call so I can adequately explain why I believe I am the perfect candidate for this position. If you do not have the time, I completely understand because I know how busy you are, but it would really mean a lot to me if you could.
Thank you so much for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Tone it down, man. You sound much too desperate.
tl;dr
Man, from the ALL CAPS desperate title to the excessively long and needy email, like shortstack said: tone it down--you're trying way too hard. Keep your email to 5 lines or so, don't ask for too much off the bat, and don't sound so pretentious ("Since I was young...").
It's assumed you're going to work your ass off and learn everything you need to succeed, no need to point that out. Also don't sound like such a pushover ("If you do not have the time, I completely understand because I know how busy you are,"), it makes you sound timid. Keep it short, sweet, and ask for what you want.
Did you actually want to be an investment banker since you were young? I didn't even know what investment banking was until I was a sophomore in college.
Same. I would say it's creepy that some kids are like this, but then I understand that it probably has more to do with upbringing than anything else. Can't fault em for that.
Reeks of naive desperation.
Stating how you know exactly blah blah and are perfect for the role - demonstrates quite the opposite. You're telling him that you know better than he does about something you really have no idea about. It's the sort of messaging that invites incredulity and smackdowns.
You've dreamed of this since you were a kid, you'll learn everything and more you need to, you will not rest, it would mean a lot to you if he'd speak to you - you're trying to make emotive appeals that have no appeal to the person reading them. You're trying to sell yourself for a serious professional position using emotive, aspirational cliches that are not the currency of the professional environment. Again, these read as reasons not to hire you.
I want an intern that will prepare my slides correctly, not well up in tears telling me that he tried his best and will make it up to me, he swears etc. Your e-mail reeks of the latter.
Quoting the original proposed text for posterity.
I didn't read past the first line. Your URGENT HELP needed is so you can cold email a banker? I'm tempted to rip you, but I'll just say that you need to gain some perspective.
Millennials perpetuating the stereotype of millennials always puzzles me.
My two cents - when you email executives, make it concise - three to four sentences in one paragraph. They will never read an email that long unless they were expecting one.
My honest advice - Do not send that. Narrow it down to a couple of sentences asking if he's available for a phone conversation.
As a non-target (I was too), you never want to look desperate. Instead, you want to appear driven. Networking is an art, and it will take time to construct a meaningful email. You saying it's been your "dream" makes you appear weak.
I wish you luck. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
I'm just curious, where can one still apply for IB summer analyst positions??
Did anyone else open this thread expecting the Prince of Nigeria to grace us with his presence?
This is going to sound harsh, but I'm honestly trying to help you. You need to be better than this. Here are some pointers:
Paragraph 1 - "and I can not rest until I do as much as I can to get this position." Please delete.
Paragraph 2 - Delete the entire thing
Paragraph 3 - Delete the entire thing
You now have a generic intro. Try again and make it shorter/less desperate. This time demonstrate that you've done your own research rather than begging for charity from the busiest person in the building. Ie. Reach out to prior SA's and ask about culture. Then mention said culture and that you think you'd be a great fit.
surprised Lizard Brain hasn't already made a joke in here.
OP, tone it down. also, why are you emailing the head of IB? do you have a connection? if not, don't email him/her. if you do, here's what I'd say.
subject line: Referral From Jenna Jameson
Good Morning,
my name is Mike Rotch and I am very interested in obtaining a position at your firm. I'm currently a student at Bob Jones University studying Pinwheels, Gynecological Endurance Theory, and Telepathy. I obtained your contact info from our mutual friend Jenna Jameson, she suggested we connect. I would appreciate the opportunity to connect by phone to learn more about what you do and how your firm differentiates itself.
If mornings are best, I could talk at 1am or 3:27am tomorrow or Monday, or if evenings are better, I could talk at 5:01pm or 11:69pm tonight or tomorrow night.
Sincerely,
Your future boss/son-in-law
PS: WU TANG
PPS: I followed your daughter on insta, nice work
in all seriousness, you need to be brief, be direct, and be gone. say what you want, give a little info about yourself, make the ask, and make it easy for them. if you say things like "I can talk any time and I will be flexible with your schedule just PLEASE TALK TO ME!!!!" that's desperate and off-putting. by giving specific times you give them something to say yes/no to. very few people will say "no, I can't talk at those times." most will say something like: "those times don't work for me, but I could do 4:59pm tomorrow night instead of 5:01pm, or something like that.
Lol at Gynecological Endurance Theory and 11:69 PM
Easily the best post of 2017 thus far.
Dear thebrofessor,
I hope all is well. Can you introduce me to Jenna? That would be awesome.
Thanks in advance,
iBankedUp
I ended up sending the email last night and got a reply, he said
Hi ____ Thank you for your email and your interest in ____ I have copied (associate) who is taking care of the process of hiring, Should you be successful in your application he will be in touch and provide you full insight on our institution and expectations from our hires Thank you
Should I reach out to the associate with some of your suggestions?
Also thank you all so much I will definitely change the way I send emails like this in the future
This is what Sil recommended to me and I think it is much better and more concise.
"Hello ___,
My name is OptionsProdigy, and I'm a ___ at ___ looking to gain some experience in ___. I was wondering if your ___ was still looking for summer interns. I have attached my resume for context, hope to hear from you soon.
Thank you, OptionsProdigy."
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