Thoughts on adoption?

Wondering what you guys think about adoption and if you have experience with it. Current As4 who married recently. We always wanted kids, but I'd rather not pass down some genetic propensities to some problems I have. So we thought adoption would be the best way to do that. Plus we could skip out on the losing so much sleep by adopting someone who's like 4+. 
 

I dunno. It seems kinda weird. But it's what we're leaning toward. 

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Comments (9)

Nov 24, 2021 - 4:54pm

If you've been able to make it to a point in life where you're an associate in IB and married, I question whether the sum of your positive and negative genetic propensities is worse than that of the average adoptee.

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Nov 24, 2021 - 5:35pm

My parents adopted me pre-birth, so I can give you a bit of perspective from the side of being adopted. I've never had an issue with it. I love my parents dearly and they are my family. There is no distinction, in my mind, between them and my birth parents - nor would I ever want any other route. 

They started early with talking to me about the fact that I was adopted. I had all kinds of books as a kid (although it's hard for me to remember - I was quite young) and they always talked openly about it. There was never a distinction between myself and my cousins who were born into the family vs. adopted. That's to say when i was young, and through today, I've never been made to feel like I didn't belong or was 'different somehow. 

It's funny because when I think about the old joke 'you can't choose your family' - it doesn't really apply in this case both literally and figuratively. I have a few friends who are also adopted (it's not a secret club, I swear) and a few have sought out siblings or even their birth parents. If I can give you any advice should you pursue this option it is to be open, honest and be prepared should your child want to meet or know their birth family. Also be prepared for the worst case scenario - open or closed, there's a period of time where you could have your child taken back from you. I've seen other couples deal with that and it's really tough - even when it works out. 

I've been very fortunate. Mine was a closed adoption, so we never knew my birth parents, and I've never felt the urge pursue that route or attempt to open it up (I'm not even sure how that would work - nor do I particularly want to). I know others, mentioned earlier, that have and it's worked out extremely well - even building a relationship between the parents (both who adopted and who gave up for adoption). 

I'm also not naïve about this - it's a complex and challenging situation. It's very emotional when you get to the heart of it - as someone who is adopted, your birth parent(s) chose to give you up. Even writing that is a really hard thing to do - even when I know full well that it was done to give me a better life over the long run. There's a million scenarios, feelings, variables, etc. at play here - my point is simply that there will be a lot going on for the child who is being adopted, much less the two of you and how you handle it. Doesn't take much to imagine all of the challenges mentally and emotionally on the child, you the father and the mother. 

No sense in droning on - clearly I'm a supporter of adoption and I've been beyond fortunate in life because of it. I'm one of one on this - I'm confident there are plenty of not as great stories out there. Go into this with eyes wide open and embrace the process (and what a process it is - takes a while and requires a full commitment). 

Nov 24, 2021 - 5:41pm

I think you should do more research regarding adoption after the child has had some time to grow. Kids can develop behavioral issues due to early childhood trauma - not saying every kid up for adoption will have these issues, but def something to keep in mind

Nov 25, 2021 - 9:54pm

I was adopted and given up by my mom because I have a pretty bad genetic condition. Its pretty manageable but I am just happy I had a set of adopted parents that decided to take a chance on me. There is no shame in adopting and you are making another children's dream come true.   

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Nov 26, 2021 - 1:33am

While I think its great in theory...from my understanding is the process is  longer and harder these days. I suppose there are more high end routes you can more so pay to play...but for run of the mill adoption in many cases you need to foster first and then later adopt. Also, lots of kids are from drug addicted parents, abusive situations, etc. with major behavioral issues (this can happen even to babies that have had more abandonment type issues). I have a few cousins in my family that have gone down this route and have kids that are extremely difficult. They love their adopted kids and don't regret it to my knowledge. However, its been extremely hard. Of course this can happen with your own child as well. So long story short, I believe it can be great and rewarding but not as simple as just adopting a kid, both in terms of process and what issues my be there. 

Nov 26, 2021 - 9:23am

I come from a family with a long history of adoption. Its something I hope to continue.

From what I know, the easiest domestic route is adopting before birth through a private agreement with the birth parents.

The normal agencies, while noble (mostly), have a slow process and will often require you to foster for years before you can adopt a child. Additionally, your child will come from difficult circumstances and may require additional help. If you are committed to the challenge, you're a wonderful person. But there is nothing wrong in realizing that a child with development issues may be better in a different home.

International adoption is an easier route and a faster one, too. Just make sure the agency you use is reputable.

Nov 26, 2021 - 9:35am

Is there a separate process for adopting an orphan? Seems like it would get around many of the issues mentioned in the previous comments. 

Array

Nov 26, 2021 - 10:24am

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