To the married monkeys, how much financial info do you share with the wife?

MonacoMonkey's picture
Rank: Neanderthal | 2,248

Although I don't believe in marriage (on the notion of there being "too many fish in the sea" to spend years with just 1 girl), that's not the topic here. Who knows, given how much certain girls are drawn to me (fml), I may get married one day. Parents will finally get their miniature annoying blobs of crying flesh (sorry, I mean to say baby grandchildren).

So let's cut to the questions I (along with my fellow single monkeys) may be curious about:
*married monkey responses only

1) General background info - How long have you been married for? Is your wife a stay at home?
2) How much did you tell her (about your job, finances, debts, etc) BEFORE marriage?
3) Pre-nup?
4) After marriage, separate or joint accounts?
5) Irrespective of answer to #4, any hidden assets in personal accounts she is unaware of?
6) If you answered no to #5, have you at least considered? (why / why not?)

Personally, I have nightmares over the notion of disclosing all my assets to my future significant other.
It's not like I'm a trust fund baby -- it's the notion of having the utmost discretion.
Works the other way too. If she's a trust fund baby, good for her. I don't need to know about it.
A relationship should be based on mutual love (however temporary), while all else serve as distractions.

Don't get me wrong, the best wives are the ones who stay at home and don't work -- the ultimate symbol of femininity. Taking care of her and the children is something I'd enjoy (as long as she provides happiness in return). But the nitty gritty details of how much a husband makes, has stored away in other accounts, etc isn't (and shouldn't be) the worry of a model wife.

What are your thoughts?

Comments (128)

Most Helpful
Jul 6, 2018
MonacoMonkey:

What are your thoughts?

"What the fuck is wrong with this guy?"

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Jul 9, 2018

At this point I think MonacoMonkey is an alt created by Patrick to keep WSO's community active

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Jul 12, 2018

would be less disturbing if this was actually true...

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Jul 12, 2018

The real question is what the fuck is wrong with you? Dudes totally logical and truthful here.

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Aug 9, 2019

"logical"

Jul 6, 2018
MonacoMonkey:

What are your thoughts?

I don't think you should get married

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Jul 6, 2018

^ either those 2 comments are sarcasm, or I'm dealing with some standout betas here.

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Jul 6, 2018

Marriage is built on trust, if you don't trust the other person then you probably shouldn't get married. Having your significant other sign a prenup, or not feeling comfortable enough with telling them how much money you have clearly means that you aren't able to trust them.

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Jul 9, 2018

You're not speaking with reason, the divorce rate in the states is 50% such that there is a high likelihood that you're prob gonna get divorced as well.

Why wouldn't you protect yourself with a prenup.

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Jul 7, 2018

Look at this fucking schmuck calling people betas and shit. You the alpha wolf, bro? HAHHA

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Jul 8, 2018

I mean if you and your wife only have $8 ($4 a piece) I can understand why you get a little defensive about the topic.

To the guys below who shared their insight, many thanks.

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Jul 7, 2018

Jesus Christ OP.

You shouldn't get married if you don't trust someone enough to share a bank account together.

Jul 7, 2018

Not sure why I'm answering this seriously, but here goes.....

Married almost 20 years
I make the money, she handles the checking account, bills, etc. I don't even look at the checking account, except when I go to the ATM.

I handle the investment accounts. She doesn't really look at those often, except to get statements and tax forms for the accountant (because she handles that 100%). She knows of every account and I assume I do as well.

No prenup (wouldn't have done much good, since 95% of what we've saved happened after we got married)

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Jul 9, 2018
DickFuld:

Not sure why I'm answering this seriously, but here goes.....

Married almost 20 years
I make the money, she handles the checking account, bills, etc. I don't even look at the checking account, except when I go to the ATM.

I handle the investment accounts. She doesn't really look at those often, except to get statements and tax forms for the accountant (because she handles that 100%). She knows of every account and I assume I do as well.

No prenup (wouldn't have done much good, since 95% of what we've saved happened after we got married)

I can't believe @DickFuld isn't out popping 20 yo skeezers every night 0_o. congrats when you make it to 20

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Jul 10, 2018

This is basically my exact situation. We handle everything the same way. Been married 5 years.

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Jul 17, 2018

How did approach disclosing your finances at the start? Girls attitude change completely when they find out you have money even if they are genuinely good in my experience

Cash and cash equivalents: $138,311
Financial instruments and other inventory positions owned: $448,166

Jul 7, 2018

Monaco,

Answers in all caps

1) General background info - How long have you been married for? Is your wife a stay at home? 29 YRS IN AUG. BRIDE HAS BEEN A STAY-AT-HOME FOR ~ 20 YEARS (SINCE LAST CHILD WAS BORN)
2) How much did you tell her (about your job, finances, debts, etc) BEFORE marriage?
WE MARRIED YOUNG (22 AND 21 RESPECTIVELY). NOT ENOUGH FINANCIAL BAGGAGE TO MAKE A DIFF BACK THEN SO WE BOTH KNEW EVERYTHING.
3) Pre-nup? WASN'T EVEN A CONSIDERATION. WHEN WE MARRIED, MY BRIDE DIDN'T KNOW IF I'D END UP A DISHWASHER OR CEO OF A F100 COMPANY.
4) After marriage, separate or joint accounts? NEVER HAD SEPARATE ACCTS. AS A MARRIED COUPLE, EVERYTHING IS SUPPOSED TO BE SHARED, RESOURCES POOLED AND ALL MAJOR DECISIONS SHOULD BE MADE AS A TEAM. EVERYONE HAS WHAT WORKS FOR THEM, BUT GOING INTO A MARRIAGE FULLY PREPARED TO DIVORCE IS TANTAMOUNT TO HAVING ONE FOOT OUT THE DOOR THE DAY YOU MARRY (MY PERSONAL BELIEF).
5) Irrespective of answer to #4, any hidden assets in personal accounts she is unaware of? BEEN SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR FINANCES OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE. I WANT TO SHARE MORE WITH HER BUT SHE DOESN'T CARE. SHE HAS COMPLETE FAITH THAT REGARDLESS OF WHAT SHE NEEDS, WE HAVE THE RESOURCES TO ACCOMMODATE. ONLY ASSETS I'VE EVER HIDDEN WAS WHEN I WOULD SECRETLY SQUIRREL AWAY CASH FOR 6-MONTHS OR SO BEFORE A VACATION SO WE COULD DO SOMETHING EXTRA SPECIAL THAT WE HADN'T BUDGETED FOR.
6) If you answered no to #5, have you at least considered? (why / why not?) HAVE CONSIDERED STASHING ASSETS, BUT NOT TO HIDE IT FROM HER. I LIKE THE SECURITY OF KNOWING I HAVE ADEQUATE RESOURCES AT ALL TIMES. SHE HAS NEVER GIVEN ME A REASON TO DISTRUST HER. CONSEQUENTLY, I'VE NEVER FELT THE NECESSITY TO BE LESS THAN COMPLETELY FORTHCOMING WITH OUR FINANCES.

I've seen money do strange things to people whom I thought I knew. I've known people who inherited a large wind-fall and I thought they were pretty savvy with their money and would stash it away such that they could retire early/do what they want when the time was right, only to lose it all due to greed, addiction, revenge and many other idiotic reasons.

Marriage is tough enough without the added complexity of trying to keep secrets from your spouse about money. If you cannot trust one another about something as simple as money, how can you possibly trust that person with other very personal matters?

All just my thoughts and how my bride and I have approached finances for nearly 30 years. No single right answer for any couple.

Jul 8, 2018
dm100:

3) Pre-nup? WASN'T EVEN A CONSIDERATION. WHEN WE MARRIED, MY BRIDE DIDN'T KNOW IF I'D END UP A DISHWASHER OR CEO OF A F100 COMPANY.

wow +1

Aug 9, 2019

Pls stop yelling at me

Jul 7, 2018

You gotta believe in marriage. It's super real. I've been doing it for three years. Trust me. It's out there.

I'd talk about how awesome it is and how it facilitates next level fulfillment and allows you to skyrocket your career if you choose the right partner and all that, but you have like 6 years and a lot of dramatic posts to go before you would receive such a message.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Jul 8, 2018

And the inverse is very true as well. What can "skyrocket" you can also "ruin" you.
The big caveat in your reply is "if you choose the right partner". That screamed out at (the highly pressimistic) me in size 72 font.

For me it's not even about girls/women, relationships, and whatnot. It's just I get BORED of situations/things/people very easily. Begins as boredom, amplified by frustration, ends (sometimes spectacularly) in rage.

Not to mention I have major trust issues.

But it's all good.

Jul 8, 2018

where do your trust issues stem from, amigo?

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Jul 10, 2018

your wife saved you.... I've been married 10 (10 yr was recently!)

Jul 8, 2018
MonacoMonkey:

Parents will finally get their miniature annoying blobs of crying flesh (sorry, I mean to say baby grandchildren).

Man, I hope you don't have kids.

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Jul 8, 2018

MonacoMonkey would be a great Father.

Jul 10, 2018

thots & prayers lol

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Jul 8, 2018

MonacoMonkey is legit living in the 1930's

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Jul 8, 2018

He's just at that stage in the life of a moderately intelligent and driven male where he thinks he's being ruthlessly rational, but he doesn't know enough to understand there are deeper levels of understanding you can apply rationality to. He'll come around. Or not.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Jul 8, 2018

Well this 'Don't get me wrong, the best wives are the ones who stay at home and don't work' is more than just being a driven male to me.

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Jul 8, 2018

The good old days. Although never experienced first hand, the notion of a society built on traditional values, lacking of rampant immigration, and void of the cancer of modern society known as technology.

I ask my parents why they didn't exist 60 years prior. Would've been perfect.

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Jul 9, 2018

https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/590b82bc15000020008c7c2c.jpeg?cache=z5hibymjyh&ops=scalefit_720_noupscale

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Jul 10, 2018

Here we go...

Jul 8, 2018

Prenup, Post Nup, separate accounts. Always maintain the knowledge asymmetric advantage.

Courts will fuck you. Don't buy into the myth that it's joint assets. You earned it, it is yours. Never forget that.

Jul 8, 2018
TNA:

Prenup, Post Nup, separate accounts. Always maintain the knowledge asymmetric advantage.

Courts will fuck you. Don't buy into the myth that it's joint assets. You earned it, it is yours. Never forget that.

Do you even take her to dinner for Valentine's Day?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Jul 8, 2018

How is that even related?

You can be generous and still remain your control? And it's not like this is one sided? If any of you got divorced would you want half of your wives bank account?

People need to stop with this shit. I'm sorry, but it's your money. Nothing wrong with protecting your assets.

Jul 8, 2018
TNA:

Prenup, Post Nup, separate accounts. Always maintain the knowledge asymmetric advantage.

Courts will fuck you. Don't buy into the myth that it's joint assets. You earned it, it is yours. Never forget that.

Pro Tip: If your girl wont go for a pre nup, tell her because you have equity in your fund/company it necessitates you to legally protect those assets via prenup.

Anyways, I've been dating my girlfriend for a little over 3 years now and we never really talk about money because we both make enough of it that we generally split everything 50/50. Sometimes I buy dinner, sometimes she does. I normally buy us both plane tickets for a vacation once a year and she'll generally buy nice champagne and a good meal or two when we get there. It's fucking fantastic dating someone that makes enough to go out to nice restaurants and on nice vacations without having to rely on you for cash.

I also don't like bringing up money around her because she's a Manager at the Big 4, we're both super proud of her and my achievements and there's no need to make anyone (her) feel bad about the fact that I get paid a good bit more despite not being nearly as smart or hardworking. She's the Type A one in the relationship.

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Jul 8, 2018

I'm gonna guess you're not married

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Jul 9, 2018

Keep believing in the matrix. Whether I am or not is irrelevant. Unless your wife is paying your student loans or helping you with your homework, where the both of you are professionally is because of each of your hard work.

I'm actually a feminist and someone who believes in fairness. Seems like the posts here have some form of female lesser than mentality.

Jul 12, 2018

This is true. A bunch of piss weak little bitches on here MS that cold hard truth bomb. Sharing finances is moronic. Signs a man up to be financially raped by the divorce courts. The reason the divorce laws exist is that women spend by far more money than men(usually on materialistic BS) which means more tax revenue and it also stimulates the economy. So it benefits women, the economy and the government all at the man's expense. Marriage is nothing but risk and very little benefit. And those benefits can be had in a relationship without marriage.

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Jul 9, 2018

dude.. you literally sound like a serial killer lol, or the plot to a Dexter episode.

Jul 9, 2018

ughhh don't say shit like this, that's the whole point of his needless posting.

Jul 9, 2018

As an individual whose been in the military for several years, I've seen the worst that can come out of a relationship and individual. The person you are in a relationship today is not a guarantee that they will be the same person 10 years from now. Placing yourself into an agreement with 'dynamic' terms that are not set in stone is a bad contract no matter what the circumstances are (loan, mortgage, marriage, purchasing a car).

I've seen spouses cheat on their significant others while they were deployed. I've had to put soldiers on suicide watch and go through bouts of depression. I've even had to go through their pay stubs to ensure that they were making their alimony payments. It's ugly.

To put yourself in an agreement based on a 'promise' of faithfulness or any other criteria without holding the opposite party accountable if they break the terms is overall a bad deal.

You even see the effects of family court, no fault divorce, and alimony laws today. Marriage is in the decline in all income brackets with the highest earners being most likely being married. The lowest bracket of earners are deferring to cohabitation instead of marriage.

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/10/11/th...
http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/09/24/record-s...

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Jul 9, 2018

I'll say this and then I am done.

Marriage is an agreement between two people and their families. You make a promise to another peraon. Every marriage is different.

The contract you sign is a government form because somewhere down the line people allowed the government to get involved in this highly personal agreement. Anyone who doesn't want to sign a prenup or a post nup shouldn't want to sign a government document either.

Plain fact is failing to plan is planning to fail. You should have a frank and even discussion when you are about. To get married. And this should involve if shit doesn't work. People are naive if they think people don't change over decades. And the reality is something that worked 10 years ago might now work now. And if it doesn't, you shouldn't get raped by the courts.

Jul 9, 2018

Failing to plan is planning to fail here? With a prenup, you are literally planning to/what happens if you fail...

Jul 9, 2018

It's like buying life insurance. You don't think you'll die tomorrow, but you need to plan if you do. I don't see why people get so emotional over prenups. Divorce happens and can happen to anyone, so you best prepare.

Jul 11, 2018

I like you @TNA =)

Jul 16, 2018

I agree with your argument about bringing the government into this. When did we do this...why are we taxed at different rates etc...

Who wants a woman that makes more money than you? Sounds terrible. Also, if you want to talk about fairness, husbands are no longer allowed access to women's bodies yet women are allowed access to men's financials, even after a divorce. To make things fair..let's say I get divorced and am paying alimony why shouldn't I be entitled to still get sex mandated from my ex-wife. At least both parties would end up getting fucked in a divorce instead of just men.

Jul 17, 2018

Because she's not a hooker? Why are you bothering getting married in the first place.

Marriage is a choice, one which you quite literally cannot be forced into. To complain about the potential negatives of marriage when you've elected to take those risks is moronic.

The fact that you think that being able to use another human being's body for your own pleasure, with or without their consent, is the same as spending money you've presumably made together, is sickening. Rape is worse than theft. Full stop. You don't want a woman who makes more money than you, but you complain that your partner gets a disproportionate share of your income. Here's a thought, Einstein - marry a rich woman, do all the household work, and rear your kids (assuming you have any), and when she wants to divorce you for mooching off her, demand alimony. It's that simple!

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Jul 9, 2018

1) General background info - How long have you been married for? Is your wife a stay at home?
* 6 years; no, she also works in finance; we have a child and she did stay home for a year then

2) How much did you tell her (about your job, finances, debts, etc) BEFORE marriage?
* Everything but we met in college so nothing to speak of for each of us (both on full ride so no college debt)

3) Pre-nup?
* No

4) After marriage, separate or joint accounts?
* Joint account where both of our paychecks go; each have separate accounts that are budgeted for ourselves individually

5) Irrespective of answer to #4, any hidden assets in personal accounts she is unaware of?
* No

6) If you answered no to #5, have you at least considered? (why / why not?)
* I've dreamed of being a secret crypto millionaire but then I wake up

I have 100% trust in my wife and vice-versa so that changes the script a lot compared to meeting someone midway through life.

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Jul 9, 2018

Stay off the weeeeed.

Also:

MonacoMonkey:

Don't get me wrong, the best wives are the ones who stay at home and don't work -- the ultimate symbol of femininity.

The look on the feminists' faces OMG, I just wish I could be there to see it.

Jul 9, 2018

Treating a marriage like a business venture sounds like a great way to start a fight however I get the point that two successful people may have the need for separate or at least distinct financial accounts. I am not married but dating someone who will have a career in medicine and it makes sense to me that we each manage our income/business equity separately with the intention of funding family expenses (house/kids/tuition) from a joint account. Does that end up being pro-rata contributions based on % of household income? I don't know.

We have already shared most of our financial stuff in conversation about life goals and what we want for a future family. I see no need to hide anything except for my YOLO robinhood account that is of no consequence. We are also fortunate enough to in all likelihood be beneficiaries of family wealth at some point in time. Seeing from other's experience, I think it would be a good idea to protect family wealth in a pre-nup e.g. in the event of divorce with cause, family wealth is not part of the pot. She has great perspective on this coming from a dual income household where the mother far out-earned the father and kept separate finances apart from household expenses. From this, I don't expect there to be any clandestine financial accounts (except her Neimans account which I expect never to see).

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Jul 9, 2018

Family wealth> 7 figs?

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Jul 9, 2018
MonacoMonkey:

Parents will finally get their miniature annoying blobs of crying flesh (sorry, I mean to say baby grandchildren).

What are your thoughts?

do yourself a favor and stay away from reproduction. there's already enough kids out there with absent/bad parents

Jul 9, 2018

I believe Bill Gross didn't talk about his finances all the while he was seeing his wife. They got married, and she was bewildered at how much he had.

Then they got divorced.

The End.

Array

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Jul 9, 2018

Lots of you monkeys are brainwashed by the obvious (that's really unfortunate).
Then again, I don't blame you. Working the way you guys do, there's no time for philosophical/historical exploration to any meaningful depth.

Let me see if I can (briefly) be of some help.

===

Marriage was actually "created" (over many many generations) in the Greek empire when the ruling, aristocratic elite became frustrated at a restless labouring class. During this era, men were not formally "bound" to any one woman, nor were they expected to start a family in the traditional sense. Sex, love, and babymaking (obviously) happened, but not in a formal, institutionalized setting.

Gradually, the ruling class figured out, if men could be permanently paired with a single woman, he'd be less restless (bluntly: less aimlessly horny). Voila, marriage. Productivity at ploughing the fields and doing his semi-enslaved work increased measurably. Men no longer lusted for new women. More/most importantly, they spent FAR less time engaged in competition with other men. This not only freed up more time for his labour, but also decreased societal violence dramatically.

So what's the caveat/downside here, you might ask? More productivity, less violence, it's a win win, right? Yes, for most beta males, this was akin to winning the reproductive lottery. Those who had little/no chance of securing a female before institutionalized pairing (i.e. marriage) were now (more or less) guaranteed a wife.

But, as you can imagine, this is the worst thing (in the history of mankind) for the alpha male. Once able to procure and maintain a harem of (dozens of) females, he's now (officially) relegated to ONE girl. Any attempt to formally separate entails a mess of legal action, financial harm, etc etc.

It's a sad, sad day when 99% of people in modern society don't understand the true (sinister) origins of marriage.

Your welcome.

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Jul 10, 2018

So if you are an alpha male (or alpha female) date other single people and don't get married. This isn't rocket science.

Jul 10, 2018
MonacoMonkey:

Lots of you monkeys are brainwashed by the obvious (that's really unfortunate).
Then again, I don't blame you. Working the way you guys do, there's no time for philosophical/historical exploration to any meaningful depth.

Let me see if I can (briefly) be of some help.

===

Marriage was actually "created" (over many many generations) in the Greek empire when the ruling, aristocratic elite became frustrated at a restless labouring class. During this era, men were not formally "bound" to any one woman, nor were they expected to start a family in the traditional sense. Sex, love, and babymaking (obviously) happened, but not in a formal, institutionalized setting.

Gradually, the ruling class figured out, if men could be permanently paired with a single woman, he'd be less restless (bluntly: less aimlessly horny). Voila, marriage. Productivity at ploughing the fields and doing his semi-enslaved work increased measurably. Men no longer lusted for new women. More/most importantly, they spent FAR less time engaged in competition with other men. This not only freed up more time for his labour, but also decreased societal violence dramatically.

So what's the caveat/downside here, you might ask? More productivity, less violence, it's a win win, right? Yes, for most beta males, this was akin to winning the reproductive lottery. Those who had little/no chance of securing a female before institutionalized pairing (i.e. marriage) were now (more or less) guaranteed a wife.

But, as you can imagine, this is the worst thing (in the history of mankind) for the alpha male. Once able to procure and maintain a harem of (dozens of) females, he's now (officially) relegated to ONE girl. Any attempt to formally separate entails a mess of legal action, financial harm, etc etc.

It's a sad, sad day when 99% of people in modern society don't understand the true (sinister) origins of marriage.

Your welcome.

Ahahahaha. This is pretty good. Do you often post these kinds of completely fabricated stories in the hopes that no one bothers to think about it? Kind of like the joke in How I Met Your Mother where any time a statistic is quoted, its always 83%?

I am obviously aware you are trolling the site, but I just wanted to applaud the creativity that went into the "history". You should honestly quit whatever your current job is and write romance novels directed at the "alpha" community. Given how much time they seem to spend on the internet mocking all the people they view as "betas", you and they probably have little else to do

Jul 10, 2018

a loving partner and relationship makes alphas better too...

Jul 9, 2018

Obviously you have some serious growing up to do before you ever get married so I suppose that's a plus from your perspective! Also- I'm not married, just someone who thinks you're an idiot.

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Jul 10, 2018

The best wives are the ones that love you. It doesn't matter if your wife wants to work or not. Secondly you don't need to take care of her like she is your child she was able to take care of herself before she met you.

Jul 10, 2018

Hearing a bunch of single guys bicker about marriage is like listening to a bunch of virgins talk about sex...

Array

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Jul 10, 2018

It's no secret that having a stable situation at home with a woman who supports and empowers you as a man is far greater and empowering than being single. The woman who loves you is supposed to add value to your life--give you meaning beyond the endless deal flow of financial services.

All things considered, once you've hit this point in self realization, work seems to become a lot less stressful. Just my two cents.

Jul 10, 2018

this. this is why I can't leave WSO forever.

keep em coming

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Jul 10, 2018
thebrofessor:

this. this is why I can't leave WSO forever.

keep em coming

Amen brother. Why can't I give this post multiple SB's????? Something is broken........

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Jul 11, 2018

I keep my personal life outside of my family's life (including work). What you need is to find a good woman who can be a good mother and partner (if you should not choose to have children). I ran into disastrous relationships when money was involved (to a certain extent), as these women were looking for more-or-less a sugar daddy to support their godawful spending habits.

I could live a poor life and still be happily married. Divorces hurt the most when children are involved.

No pain no game.

Jul 11, 2018

After reading through this entire thread, I find it sad to read so much pessimism about the institution of marriage. Then I stop and realize that only those who have a sincere issue with marriage would even bother coming up with so many reasons for pre-nups, separate accts., etc.

We ALL change as we progress through our lives. As a married couple, these two married people are traditionally supposed to be close enough to essentially become one. They share common goals, common resources, family bonds, often-times children, and often a close extended family. If one isn't fully prepared to commit completely to the other person, marriage shouldn't even be considered.

Opposite end of the spectrum: Once you choose to marry, your significant other becomes the single most important person on the planet to you. In fact, you put that person above yourself. So many on boards like this, where people typically have a higher education, have a drastically different view of marriage today than they did 30 years ago when I was in my early 20s. Don't really understand the shift towards self-fulfillment above all else that has become so pervasive.

Not bashing millennials or Gen-Z'ers, but we as a society are changing in ways I thought not possible 20 years ago. There is no single recipe for success, but I know without question, I would not be the success I am today without having had my bride at my side for the last 30 years. Life is hard enough as it is. Going through life alone is even harder. I've seen it first-hand. In fact, have a brother-in-law who is 46, still lives w/mom and step-dad and has never done anything with his life. He hides behind his lack of accomplishment by living inside of a liquor bottle. I suppose everyone has their own path in life to trudge.

Jul 17, 2018
dm100:

Not bashing millennials or Gen-Z'ers, but we as a society are changing in ways I thought not possible 20 years ago.

Nah, go right ahead. I'm a millennial bachelor and our generation needs to learn to deal with criticism better, especially from people who've been around a lot longer than we have.

"Now you's can't leave." -Sonny LoSpecchio

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Jul 17, 2018

^THIS. Wish I can give more SBs. Fellow millennial here as well and can't agree more.

Jul 11, 2018

Wise words from @dm100
Honestly, Monaco, I think you are just surrounded and attracting the wrong kind of people. And part of that comes from your biased attitude and perspective towards women and marriage. In my opinion, marriage isn't a decision you go through easily. It doesn't just involve you and your future wife, but also your respective families. When both sides approach it with the right attitude, it builds a partnership for life. You mentioned that you wanted her to provide happiness in return, but that's a give and take on both ends. With the right person, your question wouldn't be whether you will have joint accounts or how much finances you will share or if you want her to stay home but how you BOTH can protect this relationship/partnership and work together on different hardships through life. Just my two cents, but if you find yourself asking all of these questions about the girl then maybe she's not the one. Hope you the best Monaco.

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Jul 11, 2018

WSO might be a bit young for this reference but what the hell

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Jul 11, 2018

That reminds me... As a general piece of advice, never get involved in a land war in Asia.

Jul 12, 2018

Wuv!

Jul 11, 2018

I've never seen so many self righteous people defining something completely personal and unique.

Share everything with your partner if you want. Don't if you want. There is no definition of what a marriage has to be.

To all those open kimono people, I hope the best for you. Shit goes sideways and you can find your account drained and you're life savings halved. Go talk to some divorced people. Everyone of them marriage an angel and ended up getting fucked by the devil.

Jul 12, 2018
TNA:

I've never seen so many self righteous people defining something completely personal and unique.

You are just trying to declare ownership on irony ITT, aren't you

Jul 18, 2018

I have talked to divorced people. What I find interesting is that those same divorcee's you reference are at least as likely, if not more likely, to marry again. And regarding your last sentence, I cannot tell you how many formerly married couples my wife and I know who get along fabulously as long as they are not married.

Many couples part ways quite amicably with shared responsibilities for their children, relationships built over years of marriage, etc. Many of these people just grow apart during years of building a career, raising children, paying a mortgage, blah blah blah. Just because they don't love each other any longer doesn't mean every marriage ends up like a bare-knuckle brawl for every penny in the estate.

I do agree whole-heartedly that marriage is something that may only be defined between the two individuals who choose to merge their lives by committing to one another.

Jul 11, 2018

"the best wives are the ones who stay at home and don't work -- the ultimate symbol of femininity" lmaoo

Jul 11, 2018

In my opinion, separate accounts are the way to go

Jul 11, 2018

The Princess Bride is SUCH a classic!

For our first dance at our wedding, we selected "Storybook Love" from that movie, not the instrumental version, but the version where Mink DeVille sings the lyrics. "CORNY... Corny party? Your table is ready!"

Regarding OP's query... he's certainly entitled to his opinions and his personal takes on things such as marriage and money.

I can't imagine the amount of potential of monkey shit I may get for my sharing, corny or otherwise, but then hey at least it's all virtual poo and there's no actual stick or mess. ;)

That being said...it is my opinion is that he is sadly presumptuous and/or misguided on so many counts. Could be youth, upbringing, his personal experiences and/or a variation of other matters, I ain't tryin' to judge...however just starting with the assumption that the monkeys are all male here on WSO [you don't have to tell me that the various banking/trading/finance sectors are still very much a cock show, believe me I'm well aware of that. But hey, there are women in these sectors and there are women here on WSO, I certainly ain't no man hater [love you guys, you're one of my two favorite genders!], just saying recognize the ladies... but then the "the best wives are the ones who stay at home and don't work"... really?

What the actual f*uck, as if being a stay-at-home mom isn't work. AND assuming in this day and age that a 2-person arrangement is the only option that exists in this world? Think a little outside the box, buttercup, perhaps you wouldn't feel so bitter or petty.

I'm sure this has already reached TL:DR for some, but for shits n' giggles...

1) General background info - How long have you been married for? Is your spouse a stay at home?
Over 20 years. We both work outside the home.

2) How much did you tell him (about your job, finances, debts, etc) BEFORE marriage?
We each knew all that the other had, didn't have and/or owed.

3) Pre-nup?
No pre-nup. However, the potential for a post-nuptial agreement was a consideration at one time when we were in a long-term polyamorous relationship with a third person and they had children - while 3 people can't marry one another in a legally binding scenario, we wanted a range of legal documents drawn up to set up trusts for the kids and to arrange for dissemination of various assets that each of the 3 of us would want to go to one or two of the others and/or to other family members.

4) After marriage, separate or joint accounts?
Pretty much everything we have today is joint accounts, be it cash savings or retirement investments [or we are each other's beneficiaries in most cases, except again where we've selected other family members to receive all or a portion, all with the other partner's knowledge], although we do have a couple of credit cards that are separate, but most are joint.

5) Irrespective of answer to #4, any hidden assets in personal accounts he is unaware of?
Nothing hidden.

6) If you answered no to #5, have you at least considered? (why / why not?)
Never crossed my mind to hide anything from him and it's pretty safe to say he feels the same. He's a good, decent, upstanding man [a few of the many reasons why I married him] and if we were to divorce, we'd split things down the middle. I wouldn't try to fleece him, nor him I. He trusts me to make all our investments. He knows I am invested in them, not just financially but emotionally... I'm making the best possible choices for us whether we stay together or not, why wouldn't we want the other to be as comfortable/settled as much as feasibly possible within our savings/investment ability.

People do change over the years, we certainly both have over the past 2 decades-plus, most of it for the better - the key is to not blame one another when one of you grows, evolves or changes at a different pace from the other. You won't always be on the same page as your significant other, you won't always be able to contribute in the same way, whether to the relationship or to the fiscal bottom line, but with communication, even when you don't want the same things, you can still reach compromises, come to alternate decisions, come to solutions where no one suffers needlessly.

Me, I consider myself incredibly fortunate that I found a person that I thought would double my joys and cut my sorrows. Maybe OP just hasn't met someone like that yet. I'm here to stay it happens, you can find someone that doesn't make you feel exposed and vulnerable, who doesn't make you second-guess and wonder if they're somehow going to take advantage of your trust.

I can only speak for me, but I'd rather get burnt risking something whether if it's a stock or a person.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Obviously, your mileage may vary.

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    • 1
Jul 12, 2018
InfoDominatrix:

3) Pre-nup?
No pre-nup. However, the potential for a post-nuptial agreement was a consideration at one time when we were in a long-term polyamorous relationship with a third person and they had children - while 3 people can't marry one another in a legally binding scenario, we wanted a range of legal documents drawn up to set up trusts for the kids and to arrange for dissemination of various assets that each of the 3 of us would want to go to one or two of the others and/or to other family members.

Wait.....is this the best troll account ever or simply the best account ever? Or, was the third person a dude?

    • 4
Jul 13, 2018

Smh can't believe my estate planning coursework didn't prepare me for a situation like this

Jul 16, 2018

The Aristocrats!

    • 2
Jul 16, 2018

I come from a poor background and none of this stuff even comes close to crossing people's minds who I have known since a kid. And we're talking about people who've been married for 30-40 years and they're only 60. Or even some of the recent marriages of kids I grew up with.

I think if you marry some chick who has the wherewithal to make it in finance, management, or some other cunning professional career, I can see why some of you sound like some pussies that she will take it all. Those chicks are probably more cold and mechanical than your average town girl. I feel like if you are swinging for perfect trophy body + esteemed family/school background, you have to accept the potential consequences.

Not indicting any of those women. But I just think this prenup stuff is nonsense for sane, regular people. Obviously, to make it in banking, and to have put in 100 hr weeks since college might make you a little crazy. But this just isn't the way normal people act.

Most people get married with the expectation that they're doing it for some mutually shared interest in each other's non-professional/financial personhood and only that. I've never really seen upclose the type of person that gets married for professional reasons and then has it printed in the Times. That to me even seems insane.

It's also insane to me the kind of person that meets a girl and then wants to marry her simply because she's hot. The type of guy that will shove "the good life" into her hand, some sort of marital exchange, money for good looks. I get that some guys feel like better people if their wife is hot. But again, you have to take the consequences that come with this type of shortsightedness.

Just my general 2 copper coins.

    • 5
Jul 18, 2018

1) 2 years. She has a solid career, and neither of us has an interest in her being a housewife.
2) My pay scale was publicly available, having said so, I never felt the need to obscure my financial position and I was always open about finances as they came up. When talking about our student loans, career goals, logistical planning (moving in together, vacations, weddings etc), plans for retirement savings etc. It's a partnership, and approaching it any other way would be counter-productive.
3) No. You're all-in when you get married.
4) We have a joint household expenses account and then separate personal accounts.
5) No.
6) No, if the notion is to protect assets ahead of divorce proceedings you would end up disclosing them anyways, and if it's about disclosing spending habits there's no need to.

Aug 3, 2019

Will fill this out for giggles. 1) General background info - How long have you been married for? Is your wife a stay at home? Married 10 years next month.
Wife is stay-at-home, but I wish she'd go out and work. She's been stay-at-home for many years, and there's an associated financial strain to that.

2) How much did you tell her (about your job, finances, debts, etc) BEFORE marriage? It was open book really. When we got married I was already in PE, but as it was PE in China it wasn't paying much. And as I wasn't Chinese, the job only lasted 3 years. So I basically came into the marriage more or less broke.

3) Pre-nup? We discussed it, and I discussed it with a lawyer. Pre-nups are rare in China, so the whole concept was very off-putting and source of contention for her. I kind of wish I'd pursued it further though, just for my own safety. Still, at this point, I think we'll go the distance, and dance the funky chicken at our 80th wedding anniversary, so I guess things worked out.

4) After marriage, separate or joint accounts? Joint accounts

5) Irrespective of answer to #4, any hidden assets in personal accounts she is unaware of? No

6) If you answered no to #5, have you at least considered? (why / why not?) No, not sure why I'd need it.
We're just not that well-off.

    • 3
Aug 3, 2019
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Array

Aug 5, 2019
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"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
Aug 9, 2019
Comment

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Aug 9, 2019
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heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/