What kind of dirty secrets do bankers have?

We all know that bankers are not average peons. We are all prestige whores to a certain extent who are in it for the money and women. There is a certain facade that you maintain in a testosterone dominated work environment to show that you're completely impenetrable and completely devoid of any emotions so people don't think you're a big ass sissy. This makes everyone sound like a derivative of the American Psycho banker, but we're all a bit neurotic.

So underneath that ivy league 3.9 GPA two bulge bracket internship demeanor, what are you hiding?

Did you not get an interview with Piper Jaffray?
Do you claim to be a Wharton alumnus when you really went to Stern?
Are you balding but use Rogaine?
Are you banging Shirley, the rotund whale in HR?
Do you tuck your wang in the shower and pretend to be a tranny?

this also applies to consultants:

Do you cry yourself to sleep every night because you're not at MBB?

This is an anonymous forum, your secret is safe with PJC.