What should you do when you just can’t move on after rejection?

ChloeJ90's picture
Rank: Senior Baboon | 184

This link provides a brief background. Anyway, it's been months since that. I've been doing great but I just can't move on. I can't see myself without him. All this time, I have tried so hard to be over with this, to start having a life again and I even succeeded to some extent. But then sometimes he always creeps into my heart and mind from nowhere and it makes me feel loneliest albeit surrounded by people. Sometimes I want to off myself for it seems like the only way to remove him from my memory but the hope for better future w/o him holds me back... future that never arrives and is always in the future. I just don't know what to do. HELP!

Comments (32)

Mar 25, 2019

Maybe just get a rebound?

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Mar 25, 2019

This.. works everytime

Mar 25, 2019

What do you mean? He hasn't talked to me for three months. I just don't want to contact him again unless he wants to, but that never happens and it hurts, because I was always the one being apologetic about things I had nothing to do just to get him to talk to me. Basically begging him. I love him a lot but I don't want it to be my weakness anymore. I'm emotionally a lot better now than before but it seems like I'm never able to truly move on. Like I don't want to talk to him, I haven't for months, and just living alone with my memories of him without doing anything about them and they never seem to go away. I deleted everything related to him, burnt all my bridges, but he always creeps back into my heart and mind, and it's becoming so hard to resist the urge of getting back in touch with him

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Mar 25, 2019

Rebound as in find some other dude..have a good time.

Mar 25, 2019

Most people have been there, done that. It's life. As soon as you meet someone new that replaces that missing void. You'll be fine. Just keep moving forward. I joined the military after my first heart break..best decision of my life...although you shouldn't do that. unless you want too but yea lol. You'll be ok

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Mar 25, 2019

Everyone has exes. It's part of life. You have to deal. You're being super dramatic, and this is something literally everyone goes through at some point. Just go get therapy if you can't deal on your own.

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Mar 25, 2019

Exes they don't like or hate. In my case, he's not even my ex because I've never been in relationship with him. I just loved him for more than half of my life and lost him as a result of misunderstandings. We grew up together

Mar 26, 2019

Don't gloss over my point because you're to dumb to understand. Look go get some help because you obviously can't deal with this on your own.

I don't use this term lightly. STOP BEING A SNOWFLAKE. FFS

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Mar 25, 2019

Oh my god I remember your other post. I remember us not agreeing on things and me taking a unfairly aggressive approach and might have even labeled you a stalker. I'm sorry about that.

Please please please don't off yourself, that's a permanent solution to a temporary problem and really not worth it, especially to the people around you. I lost my best friend for over a decade just two weeks ago (not suicide), so I can tell you that I understand how it feels when life fucking sucks and I get the pain of knowing you might (in my situation, will...) never have something you want back so bad. It's like you had a piece of what made you "you" irrecoverably torn away.

Did you talk to him? Did you reach out? If I recall, you did not make contact when you made your last post.

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Mar 25, 2019

No, I miss him a lot, but I don't want to be the weak person anymore that always initiated contact with him.

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Mar 25, 2019

Honestly I think you just should go for it. The worst that can happen is that he shoots you down hard, and thats gonna hurt a lot, but the world will still turn. We may not have as much time to live as we feel we should, and waiting on things might result in you never getting a chance. Just do it. If you really do love him and if he's as good a person as you say, he will at least be kind even if he turns you down.

Mar 25, 2019

I am truly sorry to hear of your broken heart. I have had my share of them. I could tell you something trite like "O this to shall pass" or "In time your heart will heal" but lets face it... right now it simply sucks! There really is NO way around that.

Here is what I do know though. Everyone is different BUT most women tend to have an easier time getting over a broken heart. They tend to bounce back quicker.

When I would suffer a broken heart I would often times allow myself to lick my wounds for a couple days but if it were a big one I would let myself grieve if you will a bit long sometimes a week sometime two. I would however tell myself, life is to be lived and so you need to make sure you dust of your knees and get back out there. At first it might be just going out with your friends or taking time to smell the air and feel the sun on your face. The point is to get out and connect and invest time in things you once enjoyed or with friends.

I found that if I could focus on what was good about the relationship it helped me a lot. I would try to focus my energy on remembering the good.

When you are ready ask yourself these questions:

1) What did I like about it and why?
2) What didn't I like about it and why?
3) What did I do great in the relationship that I def want to do in the future?
4) What happened in the relationship that I didn't like and how do I overcome that in the future?
5) What lessons have I learned how do I make them positive?
6) What was it about him that I really liked that I hope to have in a future relationship?
7) What didn't I like about him and how could I have seen it sooner to potential stop me from seeking a companion like that in the future? I am not saying with this one he is a bad person BUT there are things that as people we find compatible and not. Some of these things we don't discover till you are well into a relationship and if you had known from the beginning you might not have dated after all. You have the luxury of reflecting and pin pointing identifiers that you can use in the future with men.

When you combine all of these answers you end up having some closure. You have and organized way of reflecting which can sometimes help the emotional side heal. It will also help you further down the road but right now I am not going to get into that.

Our hearts are very special and unfortunately part of accepting love into our life and enjoying and experience all the gifts and joy that brings we also open the door to the pain and ache that it can bring. I personally believe, that even with the dark side of love and the risk that comes with it, the positive and reward of letting love into your life and letting someone become close to you is worth far more then and of the pain a broken heart gives. With each broken heart you have a choice, to become bitter and angry (and for a couple of days that is ok) or to recognize that although it sucks you have just been given an opportunity to grow into a better girlfriend or wife (if that is what you want) for that next special person or someday husband.

I think you stand at a great start to something amazing. Anybody who ever built an empire, or changed the world, sat where you are now. And it's because they sat there that they were able to do it.

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Mar 25, 2019

Holy shit Wolf this was really well said... +1

Mar 25, 2019

Cheers! I've been around that block more than I care to share.

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Most Helpful
Mar 25, 2019

He might stay in your heart and mind forever. I had an Elem school - HS crush that I never told or tried for, lost contact, and when we Facebooked years later when we were both married it turns out it was mutual all along. Who knows where my life would have gone. Impossible to forget her, and that's ok. You have to just get comfortable with the rest of your life. That's really the root of the whole thing, you have to have life fulfillment in other places and confidence in yourself / self-sufficiency in order to achieve romantic fulfillment.

Your suicidal posts (two in a row) are very sad and you deserve so much better. At this stage of your life, being "with him" right now would not solve any of your other problems, and it might in fact make them worse. You also don't know what you don't know - he could have a lot of other issues that you would only get to know once you were in a serious relationship. Focus all of your effort on getting your happiness in order.

Finally, you don't deserve to be the person that does one-sided love. You wouldn't want him to feel obligated to date you after you express your undying love for him all along, and then it would end even worse later on. Find someone who gets to know you and romantically pursues you. I would bet that will be a much better person to have a long lasting love with. It won't be him, but you can't compare real people with an idealized version of somebody you think you know. Nobody will measure up to a dream. Real life is complicated and that's ok! There is pain and there is joy, naturally, as part of life, and then we return to the universe. There are billions of paths to be on and yours is a special one, and yours alone. He will always be a part of your path, and your learning, and your journey, to create who you are and will become. Cherish that, grieve for the lost opportunity for a time, and continue walking your path.

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Mar 29, 2019

Thank you.

Mar 25, 2019

Any reasonably attractive female could have sex with an endless line of men tonight. The easiest way to move on from rejection is the D. And I'm not trying to be vulgar--it's just the truth.

Mar 26, 2019

DM @theaccountingmajor and he will show up within 48 min

Mar 26, 2019

No sense in going riches to rags here kiddo!

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Mar 26, 2019

If a male was whinning about the loss of an ex, the forum would ruthlessly spear him like a Macedonian phalanx, and display his severed head on a pike for all to see. This place is full of virgins and white knights.

Don't lie about offing yourself drama queen, its a very serious matter and you should seek professional help, not posting multiple aggro threads on WSO.

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

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Mar 26, 2019
Jamie_Diamond:

If a male was whinning about the loss of an ex, the forum would ruthlessly spear him like a Macedonian phalanx, and display his severed head on a pike for all to see. This place is full of virgins and white knights.

Don't lie about offing yourself drama queen, its a very serious matter and you should seek professional help, not posting multiple aggro threads on WSO.

Seriously, this. Let Ms. Independent figure her own problems out.

Guys, remember the wise words of J Cole:

Don't save her, she don't want to be saved
Don't save her, she don't want to be saved
Don't save her, she don't want to be saved
Don't save her, she don't want to be saved

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Mar 27, 2019

Online forum /= therapist.

You need the latter, badly.

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Mar 30, 2019
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Mar 30, 2019