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Career Resources
Instead of Investment Banking Report, Incestful Raping Report
that's pretty hot
As punishment they made me write an actual report about incest raping
Damn Autocorrect
Come on
i once made a typo that killed a man
My grandpa still talks about that day
I used to send out a weekly update to my boss, director level, as well as a bunch of VP's and senior VP's. This was at a F100 company so the people were all fairly high-level. Because we all knew what was being talked about, the subject was simply "This Week".
Once however, the title was simply "This Weed".
That's funny as fuck but I don't think it would honestly get you into that much trouble. It could mean anything and not necessarily be referring to drugs.
I once said “would” instead of “wouldn’t”.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2018/07/17/us/politics/tru…
Lesson learned early on - had an AP Lit class in high school which had me up till 3AM one night for some essay. I was getting frustrated so in the conclusion paragraph, I was summarizing some literary themes and then capped it with "and other shit like that". Definitely chuckled to myself, then quickly forgot to delete it.
Turned it in like a moron and proceeded to get called in a few days later with the phrase circled in red with a single word "INAPPROPRIATE".
As a 2nd yr I fucked up my director's name on an email with my manager and VP CC'd. The VP corrected it in a response 3min later, I just hung my head in shame and wondered if there was some pit I could hide in.
In an email to an IPO working group, one of the lawyers had a name that sounded like two first names (think Matt Steve), having never met them I addressed the email to Steve, his name is Matt. Cue a flurry of emails to point out my mistake, and the next reply all to bold and underline Matt's name.
My boss was dealing with some back office BS at a Swiss bank, and the person had two, two syllable words for a name (think: Tevin Loab). Over the course of four or five emails managed to call the person Loab Tevin, Toab Levin and Levin Toab, it's like he was actually trying at that point.
Delete
cracked up at this please elaborate
Not a typo by me but I was communicating with a CFO for a business we were looking at buying. The CFO replied and CC'ed in the CEO. who then forgot to remove me from his reply to the CFO saying "who the fuck is this guy".
I got a very quick apology from the CFO.
Signed off with best retards instead of regards, client had a laugh about it though.
only the best retards
Like Lil Pump
A friend of mine (female) once wrote to a professor (male) to ask a question about one of the subjects of the course and tried to end the email with "Thank you for the attention". Given the proximity between "T" and "R" in the keyboard, she instead typed "Thank you for the arrection", which her MacBook proceeded to autocorrect to "Thank you for the erection".
I typed in 'tits' instead of 'its' once. Don't remember the context but it was pretty funny at the end of the day
I didn't actually make a typo, but I sent a note to the DA where I live on Facebook and Facebook corrected her name to an incorrect spelling. Damn you Facebook!!!
I had been friends with her for years, but fell into some nonsense that I thought she might help clear up, then misspelled her name (didn't see the delayed auto correct) after specifically not misspelling her name (I checked twice to make sure I spelled everything correctly). Damn you Facebook!!!!!!!
It was something stupid, I still have a clean record. Figured it out.
Look down at your key board and look at where the "L" is and where the "P" is. On a Thursday after we successfully closed a deal and were expecting to get the money from the client, I attached the final PDF to an email to my direct promote, a female VP, and asked her:
"So are we getting laid tomorrow?"
A colleague once sent out an external email in which he confirmed that I was the new analist for that deal...
It wasn't a typo...
I called a partner "Brain" when his name was "Brian." For whatever reason, that really caught on and whenever we were both on an email, the sender would refer to him as "Brain." I laughed, but deep down, was quite angry.
Instead of "Public" someone put "Pubic" in the title of a slide that was being presented to my Fortune 500's CEO, CFO, COO, and others in very upper management
An IT guy wrote "shit" instead of "shot" in a company wide email once. COO covered for him, laughed it off.
Left my desktop on after I went to the bathroom and quickly sent a bunch of emails when I got back to my desk. Only until the Sponsor wrote back, "Rose, huh?" did I notice someone went into my email signature and wrote, "Rose Connoisseur" in replacement of my title...
We used to do all kinds of shit like this, put text in white font in the back of slides saying all sorts of terrible things which won't show in a pdf.
However, if someone sends the ppt to the client, and the ppt gets printed in black and white, the text will show. We held ranks and no one got outed for that, but it was bad.
Also, as a standard, I can't get up and walk away from my machine without locking it, just muscle memory now to prevent people from dicking with your email.
I don't make typos b/c i literally take 10 mins to send a single email and reread it over and over again until my brain hurts. this is what banking has taught me.
on another note why does the account do the same weird shit i do
.
Once had a higher-up on another team accidentally copy me on an email that trashed me and a director I was working with. Needless to say, we were both pretty livid, and sent it up the chain to our boss, who basically said "what an asshole!" after the person refused to apologize.
My first project was a deck that provided an overview of the landscape in the asset management space. PIMCO was spelled as PIMPCO. my VP caught it before it went out to the client, but its been over two years since then and I still get made fun of for it.
Buddy of mine accidentally wrote pitch dicks instead of pitch decks on his resume. Ended up pulling having to pull his GS application.
Mergers & aquisitions
MD standing at my desk asking for backup for some number....accidentally went to sex.gov
Who decided to put X next to C?
I like to make small spelling mistakes in my sentences that are hard to notice.
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