Who's Worked With Compulsive Liars Before?
Here's a pet peeve of mine, Anonymous VP in PE -LBOs. Compulsive liars. I've tried catching them with e-mails but they seem to be aware of their lies and avoid the e-mail. I don't necessarily think its malicious but lies are malicious so, fuck them for lying. My boss drank the kool-aid too so that's a dead end - I'm fucked essentially.
I figured that several people on this forum would have encountered a few of these people during their careers and have experienced dealing with them.
bump
I've worked with snakes and assholes before. The way I've handled them was to study their behavior. How they act, when they act a certain way, and what to do to not get screwed over by them.
Of the two, I preferred pure assholes over snakes because their behavior is somewhat predictable, and if you can stay clear of their triggers and understand what their likes and dislikes are, you can get by. But snakes are a different story. They're often really good at playing the politics game and are always looking to pass responsibility for failure onto someone else. The way I dealt with snakes was to put everything in email, and use phrases like "as discussed" in the body of the email before writing my point. Writing "as discussed" would either force the person to either respond that they disagree or accept what you've written.
Not a fun situation to be in.
I guess that e-mail thing is the only thing. I'm just going to look for another job at this point. Meanwhile I'm going to try to wisen up and use this as a learning opportunity in case it happens at a job were I'm better off at.
It's spelled 'lawyers' not 'liars.' Please fix.
lol Liar Liar is hilarious
What might help is asking them in person (or another email if not possible) why they avoided your initial email ("did you see my email about..."). Anyone who needs that much trickery to get through their day is likely a coward, and is assuming no one is going to call them out. If you do, maybe they'll know you are on to them and won't try anything.
This isn't necessarily advice...but they will not pull that trick just once, or just on you. One day they will unknowingly try their bs on an even bigger snake, who will then destroy them at their own game. I know this doesn't fix things for you, but maybe something to let you sleep better at night.
Removed for too tmi. Old comment mentioning said person lying in a way that brought a higher up into the web. The higher up doesn't suspect.
I worked with one of these as my direct boss for a while. It absolutely sucks, but the best thing to do is the involve other people as much as possible. I don't mean roping other people into the situation, but copying people on emails is a great thing to do. So rather than sending an email to the liar asking them about their lie, copy your boss or their boss on the email that asks the liar about the lie, this will be even more effective if the liar put words in someone else's mouth; copy the person who allegedly said XYZ on the email so that they must then deal with the liar. The person who the liar is claiming said something will probably be peeved with you for making them have to deal with this but they will be way more pissed with the liar and the shit will come down on the liar rather than you, since all you're doing is being a lowly scrub who wants clarification on something. Also never talk to this person unless there is at least one other neutral third person nearby who can hear the bullshit that they will inevitably spew, pretty much the same idea as the email copying, just making sure there are witnesses as much as possible.
Relaxxxx. These situations are almost always cracked up in your head to be more than they actually are. For the most part, no one cares that much about you. No one is holding long-term grudges like your ex gf over one off lies and heard-4th-hand comments. Any time you spend spinning the story around in your head is a waste of time and energy. Move on.
Do you get your work done? Do you do it well? Are you reliable? Do you have a strong professional and working "relationship" with your peers and superiors? Do you carry yourself in an articulate and conservative manner? If you do this shit 80-90% of the time the people who matter will notice, appreciate you, and you will be fine.
I mean jesus dude, the other guy up above is studying behavior as if he is a prison of war. It is a f'n office. Mostly petty BS and unapproachable assholes that you just avoid and move on with your day ("Sucks to be that guy - someone needs to get laid").
These situations remind me of a Jim Jefferies comedy skit where he ribs gun owners/2nd amendment hardos (myself included). He jabs at the self-defense argument with "What? You think someone is lurking around the corner trying to murder you all the time? You must think mighty highly of yourself."
A lot of people I meet initially think I’m a compulsive liar.
Like if I told you I rode 170mi on the trainer on Monday, that definitely seems like a blatant lie...
gracious, how long does that take
that was an 8.5hr workout
Justine Tobin has entered the chat
HA! A few! How about every other person...
Some great advice in this thread.
OP - I'm sorry. But its true. The industry, across verticals is filled with snakes and charlatans. Sadly such behavior is often encouraged rather than discouraged. For better or worse the solace one can take is that so many of said people are deeply unhappy, insecure and have probably always been.
Find people you trust, do good by them (and expect them to do good by you), keep in touch with them, maintain and elevate those relationships and try your best not to be bitten (or when you are, to be able to mitigate it).
Wish I had had this advice when I was younger!
Good Luck
Yes I have - it is very frustrating to work with and worse yet to work for people like this. It is an unfortunate instance where you never truly know until you spend enough time with them to notice their lack of follow through.
That being said I have yet to see a "compulsive liar" be successful in this industry, usually their reputaitons preceed them as they travel from one scortched patch of earth to the next, eventually running out of places to go. IB is definitely an industry where reupation carries a lot of weight.
Few tips: • Keep track of what they say vs what they do • Push for follow through as much as you can • Communicate with them that they are not following through • Use appropriate channels to communicate what you've noticed to others
It kind of sucks but similar to what everything said, it's about CYA. Get as much documented via emails as you can and screenshot the shit out of their IMs. Take really good notes in meetings. If they're having conversations with you in person to avoid email, immediately after the meeting you should send out meeting notes/recap or email a clarifying question on what they asked so you can get it documented in email. Figure out if it's impacting any of your peers in the office. That way you and your peers can have each others back. Other than that, keep your head down and work hard.
I had a manager that was a compulsive liar. It sucked and was awful for 6 months but I did exactly what I suggested above. I had 3 other analysts on my team who also were getting impacted by it and the 4 of us would work together to make sure she couldn't fuck us over. Eventually our director noticed that the 4 analysts who previously had sterling reviews were now being thrown under the bus by their new manager and that she was always shifting blame. He got HR involved and she was quickly removed from our group.
I feel this, I'm sort of in this situation too.
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