Comments (33)

Jul 7, 2020

ask hr pleb

    • 3
Jul 7, 2020

HR in very simple terms has 3 main tasks:

  1. Hire
  2. Retain
  3. Fire

If you are an employee (or intern), they can't look at you for #1, so all they can do is retain you or fire you... so basically, best case scenario, you keep your job. Worst case, you lose it.

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Most Helpful
Jul 7, 2020

bruh you forgot the most important HR task

protect the company from HR related issues / lawsuits

that's the biggest reason they are not your friend. they are there to protect the company FROM you.

    • 22
Jul 7, 2020

Tru

Jul 7, 2020

Nice try HR. I will never be your friend.

    • 7
Jul 7, 2020

Alright someone didn't get an offer at goldman...

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  • Intern in HF - EquityHedge
Jul 7, 2020

Found the HR intern

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Jul 7, 2020

I'll start by mentioning what everyone else is ignoring which is that HR does do some good stuff. HR is usually in charge of handling the paper work for our benefits. It was HR who coordinated the arrival of my health insurance card. It is HR who coordinates whenever I want to exercise any of the more particular benefits I get.

With that in mind, HR is not your friend. HR is really there to protect the company and sometimes that means fucking over employees. At least in my case I've seen HR "investigate" harassment claims against my colleagues and superiors for completely BS reasons and if you are a top performer trust me that having the spectre of suddenly losing your career could be what makes you finally break. And here it is doubly horrible because if you know you are innocent (as it gladly was in the cases I'm speaking about), you also know that if someone in your company can be easily tricked it is HR. HR people are not retired quants who just wanted to have an easier lifestyle and better work-life balance. HR are the people who struggled in college algebra and to this day don't really understand it. So even if you are the most innocent person in the world there is no way you can just ignore the claims and be certain that the outcome will be positive in the end.

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  • Incoming Analyst in IB - Gen
Jul 7, 2020

You got any interesting stories of HR fucking people over with investigations? Im worried now bro. Also should I avoid joking around with my female colleagues just in case they betray me in the future? Or maybe any other advice to avoid getting canceled nowadays. I only have intern experience so far so would appreciate any tips that people may not think about in their careers in terms of HR/canceling

    • 2
Jul 7, 2020

I don't want to be too specific and just to be clear here the alleged harassment was not of a sexual or sexist nature. But yes, at least in one of the cases it was a woman he was very close to some years ago but not anymore who stabbed him in the back and attempted to take him down.

    • 1
Jul 9, 2020

Never make jokes about female colleagues in the year 2020. c'mon now!

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  • Intern in HF - RelVal
Jul 7, 2020

HR is the bureaucratic office killjoy. Think Toby Flenderson.

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  • Prospect in IB - Ind
Jul 7, 2020

Think about why Michael hated Toby

    • 6
Jul 8, 2020

Ahhhhaaaa haaaaa haaaa haaaa!!!! HR... friend... in same sentence. Oh, OP, that's a good one!

    • 1
Jul 8, 2020

The question is who wouldn't want to be friends with an egocentric, power playing, patronising, and manipulative buddy who promotes diversity, inclusion, and engaging activities filled with fun workshops and end of year Christmas parties.

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  • Intern in IB-M&A
Jul 8, 2020

literally the hottest milf at my bank is in hr and i want to be so much more than her friend

    • 1
Funniest
Jul 8, 2020

biz m

Have you ever met a MILF that you tried to date
But she's in HR, that department that we hate?

Let me tell ya a story of my situation
I first met this fly chick at our firm orientation
I just got in the office, pourin' with sweat
I walked into the conference room and guess who I met

I asked her her name, she said, "Blah, blah, blah"
She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra
I sent a few emails and she was enthused
I said, "How do you like my style?" She said, "I am very amused"

I started throwin' bass, she started throwin' back mid range
But when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange
Then when I asked, "Do you like me?", she tried to pretend
She said, "No, I don't, I see you as a friend"

Come on
I'm not even goin' for it, this is what I'm goin' sing

You, you got what I need
But HR is not your friend
HR is not your friend

Oh baby, you, you got what I need
But HR is not your friend
I want to be more than just your friend

    • 36
Jul 9, 2020

Someone is on unemployment. I think you should move to Hollywoo

    • 3
Jul 8, 2020

Because you don't pay them, the firm does.

Jul 8, 2020

They largely present the firm's interest not yours

Jul 8, 2020

Ask yourself what type of a personality wants to spend their life enforcing rules. Those are the people that end up doing it.

    • 2
Jul 8, 2020

My work comrade got pulled from his SA gig 3 weeks after he started working because HR discovered he had a public indecency charge from when he was a sophomore undergrad. Apparently something about him being "high risk"

"I'm talented in a bunch of different areas" -Kevin Durant

Jul 8, 2020

To whit he might have wanted to offer,
"Let's assume you're right. That perhaps you've found a college student who in his sophmore year had some youthful indiscretions. And now you want to fire him, because 'he's a risk.' What might your end game for that 'risky person' be? Is it more risky to have this hard working beaver at his desk, delivering great work and keeping super busy? or is it better to upset this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho who might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite #AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers? This might be someone you've known for months. Someone very, very close to you. Or maybe, maybe you just shouldn't take your pencil pushing job so seriously. Now I have work to do, so I'm going back to my desk, and getting back to being busy. I'm so glad we had this talk."

fight club

    • 4
Jul 8, 2020

HR protects the interests of the company...what do you think that implies?

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
Jul 8, 2020

HR is hired by the firm - their job is to preserve the firm, and mitigate the potential for litigation that may result from having a human labor force. The guise is that they are there to help you, but they are really operating in the firm's best interests.

Also to name other points:
* Non-finance people judging you on your merits for a financial position
* Kangaroo court style judicial system
* Hating HR to fit in with other finance bros

    • 2
Jul 8, 2020

Everybody already stated the important things but I would like to add that you only talk to HR if there is a problem, either from your perspective or their perspective, so it's usually never a positive experience. If everything goes well, you usually never thing about them.

Array

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Jul 8, 2020

The best HR department is a silent HR department, where everything runs smoothly and I don't hear a peep from them or need to ever talk to them after onboarding.

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  • Prospect in Other
Jul 9, 2020

The head of HR at our place appears -APPEARS- to make a genuine attempt to balance HR and being a human. Still try to avoid HR. There are pros and cons, as well as good and 'bad' reasons for HR knowing my name.

Jul 12, 2020
Prospect in Other:

The head of HR at our place appears to make a genuine attempt to balance HR and being a human.

IT'S A TRAP! -Admiral Ackabar

Jul 10, 2020

avoid HR ! I had horrible story with HR. they pretend to be your friend but all they care about is their job ! Fuck them ' probably it's the safest job in the firm as there is no one to fire them !

Jul 10, 2020

You remember those little girls from 3rd grade that were the teacher's pet, snitched on you for everything, and basically sucked all the fun out of the playground? Those little girls grew up into Human Resource Managers.

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  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Jul 12, 2020
Comment
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