will taking a semester off college for personal reasons jeopardize my internship offer/future job?
I worked really hard last year and last semester and landed an internship at a good (GS/MS/JPM) place. along the way, a lot of alumni at my college have helped me. I am also a sophomore, and so with this internship i was told if i don't suck ill have a return offer for my junior summer and then a full time offer senior year.
however, I'm really struggling and I've lost all motivation for school and everything else. i don't even care about this internship anymore, in the way i cared about it before. the only reason i still will do it is because i don't want to let my parents down.
i live on campus, in a really rural area that is very cold and different from my hometown and places (city environments) that i like. i hate the campus. i hate the food. I'm the only person from my country at this college, and i feel so, so lonely. i am on full financial aid so i cannot transfer to another college in the USA that is of the same calibre of my current college. plus if alumni who helped me realized i transferred they may not act favorably towards me and affect my chances of a return offer.
i have acquaintances here, but no friends. i don't even really like my acquaintances. actually i don't like them at all. i miss my friends back home so much. i have been feeling suicidal for a long time. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone. when i dared to tell one of my acquaintances, that i felt like i couldn't control myself and i might jump out the dorm window and end it all they texted me 'then jump.' i feel so alone. it's been getting a lot worse recently. i think about it all the time and its very frightening, as sometimes you just feel crazy and don't know what you may do. but the last straw is this: i recently started hearing these voices. they would criticize me, tell me to do crazy things. but the voices are not the worst. i see these things, like hands crawling everywhere and diseased bloody flesh and monster's faces in the mirror beside me. its gotten so bad i can't even go to the bathroom at night. I'm scared to wash my face because i don't want to close my eyes. I'm not crazy, but i don't know what's wrong with me.
i realize that this is not a good way to live. but i feel like i can't go back home or ill be a failure. i can't take any time off college or ill lose my internship, and graduate late and then may lose my job offer. I've already done the hard yards: gotten a internship, which will hopefully lead to a job, at a great bank. i tell myself, lots of people try so hard and don't get it so stop complaining. but I'm so unhappy. I'm in a prison built for me and me alone. i can't leave this school. there is no way out. but at this point i care less and less. if i take a semester off, to rest and maybe try think of something else, will my internship for this summer get revoked? I'm sure they don't want people struggling with issues working there. and if i do take time off, then ill graduate later by a semester. will that jeopardize my job offer? since i would miss the training period etc other analysts are going through.
thank you for your help.
Took a year off - currently armed with a SA offer from JPM for 2018; do what's best for you and make the most of your time. Sounds like you're suffering from manic episodes induced my stress. I'd recommend engaging with mental health resources in your area, you're not gonna make it in banking if you don't address these issues now.*
*Speaking as someone who has had similar issues and came out the other side okay.
Meet with the Counseling center at your school before anything. Then decide from there if you want to take the internship this summer graduating a semester later wont jeopardize much. Meet with the counseling center asap as your sanity should come before anything.
Hey mate,
Take some time off for yourself. I'd recommend speaking with a counselor / professional.
You can't put a price on mental health.
Hope all goes well !
Visit a psychiatrist ASAP. Hearing voices is a huge red flag, and if you're already experiencing a mental breakdown this early, things will only get worse down the road as you go on with your internship.
Good luck with everything!
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