You have no chance in high finance when...

IvyLeagueVet's picture
Rank: Gorilla | banana points 547
  1. You need help with sending networking and thank you emails.
  2. You ask for target schools of a specific firm, which means... You aren't at a target.
  3. Your "pitch" includes statements about a "passion for finance".
  4. You ask about the frequency of cold emails.
  5. You need help with your suit color.
  6. You debate which Ivy presents the best chance to break into x, y, z and you don't/didn't go to an Ivy.
  7. Your question can easily be answered with a Google search.
  8. You use such words as ibanking or ibanker.
  9. You ask "What are my chances?".
  10. You ask if the job you're submitting an online application is FO, MO or BO.

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Comments (30)

Aug 12, 2012
  1. Your David Letterman impression falls flat.
    • 1
Aug 12, 2012

Tough but fair.

Aug 12, 2012

Honestly I pretty much agree with your list. The part you're leaving out is that you'll all be working for us in tech this next generation. 'Finance' is the 'it' career for people my dad's age.

My drinkin' problem left today, she packed up all her bags and walked away.

Aug 12, 2012

I like it.

Aug 12, 2012

Heartily applauded and SB'ed.

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Aug 12, 2012

+1

Aug 12, 2012
  1. Your WSO username is "Deshaun"
Aug 12, 2012

That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

    • 1
    • 1
Aug 13, 2012
BVMadden:

That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

What color suit are you going to wear?

Aug 13, 2012
BVMadden:

That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

is this a joke? correct me if im wrong, but i don't quite understand because it is absolutely contrary to everything said in the post

    • 2
Aug 13, 2012
ky0ung:
BVMadden:

That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

is this a joke? correct me if im wrong, but i don't quite understand because it is absolutely contrary to everything said in the post

Didn't grow up in America huh? He's joking..

    • 1
    • 1
Aug 13, 2012
historiclegend:
ky0ung:
BVMadden:

That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

is this a joke? correct me if im wrong, but i don't quite understand because it is absolutely contrary to everything said in the post

Didn't grow up in America huh? He's joking..

well considering this is an internet board, sarcasm can be hard to detect.

    • 1
Aug 14, 2012
ky0ung:
historiclegend:
ky0ung:
BVMadden:

That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

is this a joke? correct me if im wrong, but i don't quite understand because it is absolutely contrary to everything said in the post

Didn't grow up in America huh? He's joking..

well considering this is an internet board, sarcasm can be hard to detect.

Sorry, but that was blatant sarcasm..."That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email" was the tip off.

    • 2
Aug 14, 2012
ky0ung:
historiclegend:
ky0ung:
BVMadden:

That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

is this a joke? correct me if im wrong, but i don't quite understand because it is absolutely contrary to everything said in the post

Didn't grow up in America huh? He's joking..

well considering this is an internet board, sarcasm can be hard to detect.

This is an internet board - everyone should be trolling until proven otherwise!

    • 1
Aug 14, 2012
BVMadden:

That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

Troll harder, TRILLA!

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Aug 13, 2012
JimmyDormandy:

http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/why-you-aren...

That's a great post.

Aug 13, 2012
  1. Your avatar is the Wall Street bull's ball sach

GBS

Aug 16, 2012
  1. When you ask about the schedule of FT recruiting.

It means you didn't get the offer or you didn't get the internship or your OCR is nonexistent and there are no jobs.

Jun 23, 2014

Didn't bump this last year, but doing it this year.

Hopefuls out there, read it and weep. If you're doing these things, you're wrong.

Jun 23, 2014

#32... You write in broken english.

Jun 23, 2014

@"IvyLeagueVet" you forgot to add the questions about "which watch/belt/earrings/dildo should I buy for my SA stint?"

Best Response
Jun 23, 2014
thebrofessor:

@IvyLeagueVet you forgot to add the questions about "which watch/belt/earrings/dildo should I buy for my SA stint?"

The dildo should always be a mold of your MD.

    • 2
Dec 21, 2014

delete

Jun 23, 2014

11. You say "I loved Wall Street".

- Bust

Jun 24, 2014

This list should be stickied at the top of Get A Job.

Jun 24, 2014

You ask what are your chances when you have a 3.8 at Harvard

Dec 21, 2014

agree with all, except the n.1

Dec 22, 2014
Dec 22, 2014