You have no chance in high finance when...

  1. You need help with sending networking and thank you emails.
  2. You ask for target schools of a specific firm, which means... You aren't at a target.
  3. Your "pitch" includes statements about a "passion for finance".
  4. You ask about the frequency of cold emails.
  5. You need help with your suit color.
  6. You debate which Ivy presents the best chance to break into x, y, z and you don't/didn't go to an Ivy.
  7. Your question can easily be answered with a Google search.
  8. You use such words as ibanking or ibanker.
  9. You ask "What are my chances?".
  10. You ask if the job you're submitting an online application is FO, MO or BO.
30 Comments
 

Honestly I pretty much agree with your list. The part you're leaving out is that you'll all be working for us in tech this next generation. 'Finance' is the 'it' career for people my dad's age.

My drinkin' problem left today, she packed up all her bags and walked away.
 

I like it.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.
 

Heartily applauded and SB'ed.

Currently: future neurologist, current psychotherapist Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 
Funniest

That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

 
BVMaddenThat's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.
What color suit are you going to wear?
 
BVMaddenThat's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

is this a joke? correct me if im wrong, but i don't quite understand because it is absolutely contrary to everything said in the post

 
ky0ung
BVMaddenThat's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

is this a joke? correct me if im wrong, but i don't quite understand because it is absolutely contrary to everything said in the post

Didn't grow up in America huh? He's joking..

 
historiclegend
ky0ung
BVMaddenThat's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

is this a joke? correct me if im wrong, but i don't quite understand because it is absolutely contrary to everything said in the post

Didn't grow up in America huh? He's joking..

well considering this is an internet board, sarcasm can be hard to detect.

 
Best Response
ky0ung
historiclegend
ky0ung
BVMaddenThat's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

is this a joke? correct me if im wrong, but i don't quite understand because it is absolutely contrary to everything said in the post

Didn't grow up in America huh? He's joking..

well considering this is an internet board, sarcasm can be hard to detect.

Sorry, but that was blatant sarcasm..."That's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email" was the tip off.

 
ky0ung
historiclegend
ky0ung
BVMaddenThat's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

is this a joke? correct me if im wrong, but i don't quite understand because it is absolutely contrary to everything said in the post

Didn't grow up in America huh? He's joking..

well considering this is an internet board, sarcasm can be hard to detect.

This is an internet board - everyone should be trolling until proven otherwise!

 
BVMaddenThat's cool and all guys, but I need help with an email that I'm writing to an associate ibanker at the Goldman Sachs. He went to my school for like 2 years before transferring to an ivy, so I think that my school is a target for the Goldman Sachs. I'm wondering what are my chances if I cold email him because I feel like people don't cold email that much as it's kind of awkward. Anyway, I want to tell him how my passion for finance has led me to him through a Linkedin search. I think that the job I'm applying for is in the front because the questions ask things like, "Do you have the people skill", but should I ask him about it in the email (if I send it, you guys need to let me know)? I think that he got the job because he transferred to Wharton since Wharton is the only ivy league university with a business school I feel like you can't really break into the finance without a finance degree like he has. Thanks for your help guys, hopefully you can help me get into ibanking.

Troll harder, TRILLA!

 
thebrofessor

@IvyLeagueVet you forgot to add the questions about "which watch/belt/earrings/dildo should I buy for my SA stint?"

The dildo should always be a mold of your MD.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.
 

This list should be stickied at the top of Get A Job.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, post threads about how to do it on WSO.
 

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