Mentality, pt. 2: Pedestalization
Greetings boys. We're back to working on your monkey brains, as promised previously .
Once again, this topic is not for everyone. Some of you gorillas have crushed enough skulls and swung from enough vines to have your own killer instincts honed to precision.
This is for the guys with all the tools, all the motivation, all the skill who are failing to pull it all together and achieve their goals...and frustrated to death about it.
Their problem...Pedestalization.
This is dating slang referencing a man putting his girlfriend on the proverbial pedestal. The Freudian amongst us may quickly summarize that this is an infantile attempt to inflate one's mate's status to divinity levels in hopes of reliving the mother-son relationship. In other words, making things more difficult and complicated than they need be.
Cliches exist because they have stood the test of time, it really is true that...
If you love something, let it go...if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it was never meant to be.
This applies to our ambitions, above all else. The link between career success and reproductive options has been so consistently fortified in our minds that it is not beyond the bounds of reason to say the following:
Many men have developed the same psychological preoccupation with success that our ancestors had with reproduction. Well, guess what? It is not that serious.
Let go of the notion that your dream job is the end-all-be-all of your universe. Even if you don't get the offer you seek, you will get it eventually.
There is a reason, however, for this being "part 2". Re-read the original if you are confused. This is a process. You may not believe me, but what do you really have to lose? Try it out.
When we build up certain dreams in our mind. The go from achievable goals to untouchable fantasies. Dumb things down. Focus less on your desire and more on strengthening your skills.
Here's a great quote to think about. It's taken from one of my favorite movies,
The Count of Monte Cristo, the words may not apply to you per se...but think about the sentiment behind them:
Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man!
Knock your dreams down a notch...
You'll be pleasantly surprised how much closer they really are to coming true.
Yeah dude, there is something to be said about having your hopes and dreams repeatedly ruined to really toughen you up.
This speaks directly to the "TMT at Goldman or my life is over" kind of mentality that we see here so much.
As HPM above mentioned (SB for you), its the "Goldman TMT or bust" attitude that is so wrong. Example: one of my best friends just quit his well paying FO job (only 5 months in) to start his own innovative company with next to nothing saved or anything else to his name. Now that shit, IMO, is fking admirable and places as high (or even higher) than someone trying to get into GS TMT.
If I could rephrase your last two lines, I'd put it more along the lines of "drop the tunnel vision, and you'll be pleasantly surprised at how many more options you have in life".
The rest of the post is great though.
You say "tomato" I say "toh-matow" :)
Good post, definitely true
Since I'm traveling I didn't plan on visiting WSO... couldn't resist the urge.
Good post Midas. I'd like to share a bit with you all that sort of correlates to the pedestalization you write about and that is to soak up and enjoy the experiences that take you along the way.
There is no sense in turning into an emotionless machine because you are too focused on the end goal. Don't get caught up in the minutiae so much that you eventually implode inside. Be yourself, be happy.
Another piece I'd like to add is to learn from your mistakes and don't let past follies set you back. Life is not a race against others and everyone's path is different. You set your own pace and if you trip over rocks somewhere along the way, you get back up and keep the pace (this is something have I recently dealt with).
We all have special goals and dreams that each one of us holds dearly but one part of life is enjoying and learning from the paths that take us to them.
Keep your eyes open monkeys.
sob
Midas - Resident philosopher of WSO (no negative meaning intended)
Btw, your posts are very thoughtful. Following your blog from now on!
Yeah, cause we don't want people to strive for a better place in life. After all there's only so much room at the top. Fuck you, I got mine.
Midas,
Much respect. These words are gold!
Great post, although I don't think it's a question of knocking your dreams down a notch but more a matter of being flexible about how you get there (which includes realizing that Goldman TMT isn't actually your dream, just a means to an end).
I've always been a firm believer in the notion that if it's yours, it will come to you, otherwise it simply isn't meant to be. I tend to aim extremely high and more often than not, I dont end up achieving those goals. I used to get frustrated and disappointed and surround myself with thoughts of "what if's". (I still do sometimes) Over time, I'm slowly learning that you can never really get exactly what you want, but you always get something. The real lesson at the end of the day is that you learn what makes you happy in life and you hold on to them. The hardest thing is oftentimes the waiting part. We always want what we want now and the more we can't have it, the more we want it. I learned that as long as I have confidence in myself and have faith in the fact that "what's yours will come to you", a little bit of patience is all it takes to be happy.
I've found this to be true in both career and relationship settings. As I'm about to graduate college, the issue of job hunting has been dominating my life. For the longest time, I thought I would only go for that one job and if I didn't get it, I would stay another semester just to have another shot. Unfortunately and fortunately, I didn't end up getting that job, but I ended up getting a job I casually applied online and thought I would never have a shot at. I barely prepared for it and somehow got a job offer because the culture was simply a perfect match for my personality. Now I'm getting ready to move to San Francisco next year and can't wait for what life has in store for me. I was very depressed after getting rejected by my "dream firm", but now I look back, I can really care less.
Now I know not everything in life works out like that, but I guess my point is, be patient and relax! Life will take you to where you need to be. You just gotta keep an open mind for what it has in store for you.
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