Jersey Shore may well go down in history as the cultural canary in the coalmine that signaled the end of Western Civilization as we know it, but apparently it won't go down alone. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and, if that's truly the case, Snooki and company are about to be paid a big compliment by one of the only other groups of Americans we're still allowed to stigmatize and make fun of.
Monkeys who happen to be SEC alums and any prospective monkeys from the Southeast might want to dust off the old camcorder and put together an audition tape, because Redneck Riviera is currently auditioning. That's right guys; the next Jersey Shore is being set in the Ft. Walton-Destin-Pensacola-Orange Beach-Gulf Shores area and promises to be a shitshow of epic proportions.
Understandably, not everyone on the Gulf Coast is excited about an over-the-top cultural parody coming to their home town. To that end, the city council of Gulf Shores, Alabama voted earlier this week to effectively block the series from filming there by instituting a permitting process that allows the city to refuse permits to shows that might cast the area in a negative light.
I have no doubt that the show will go on, and that they'll cast the dumbest, most buck-toothed, illiterate rednecks to embarrass themselves for our amusement once a week. I also have no doubt that it will be nothing like the real Redneck Riviera.
I know the Redneck Riviera well, having lived in New Orleans for seven years before moving to France. The Redneck Riviera was my playground. The area is gorgeous, the beaches pristine (at least until BP screwed the pooch), the seafood fantastic, and the people are warm and friendly.
Reading about the show made me remember something that happened while I was down there for New Year's one year. My wife and I made it a tradition to rent a house in Fort Morgan (the western tip of the Redneck Riviera) for the week after Christmas every year. We'd go down there and chill out on the beach when there were no crowds, it was quiet, and we could gear up for the coming year.
We were running low on beer (yes, Southern girls drink beer) so we decided to head out to the Stop'N'Rob before they closed and stock up. As we were driving down the only road we passed a car on the opposite side of the road with a young woman sitting in it. I told my wife I thought she might be stuck in the sand on the side of the road, and we turned around to see if she needed help.
Sure enough, when I pulled up behind her I could see that her back right tire was buried to the axle in the soft sand beside the road. I got out of my car and walked up to her driver's side window.
"Looks like you're stuck pretty good there."
"Really?"
"Yeah, come take a look."
She gets out of the car and I can see she's got her finger on the plunger of a mace can in her right hand. Now, I've been maced before (don't ask) and it's no picnic.
"Where you from, ma'am?" I ask.
"Why?" she asks, and her voice is shaking a little.
"Well, it's just that I pulled over to help you out, you can see my wife in the car behind us, but you're ready to zap me with pepper spray. Clearly you're not from around here."
"Oh. Well, yeah, I live in Delaware. I'm just down here for a wedding."
"Gotcha. Well, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna dig your car out and you're gonna try to drive out of this mess. If that doesn't work, I'll try to tow you out."
"I appreciate it, but why would you do that?" She genuinely didn't understand, like people don't help each other out where she's from (and I know that's not the case).
"It's just what we do down here. Besides, if my wife was stuck on the side of the road, I would hope someone would stop to help her."
With that, I grabbed my e-tool (a collapsible shovel) out of the trunk and started digging her out. About ten minutes into it, I looked up and saw four college-age guys walking up. They'd been barbequeing and drinking beer on a deck across the road and saw what happened. They showed up to help me dig her out and about twenty minutes later she was on her way.
That's how shit really goes down on the Redneck Riviera.
I'll still watch the show (probably), but I'll be taking it with a huge grain of salt. I suggest you do likewise.
Anyone care to share a wild spring break story about the Redneck Riviera? Or anywhere for that matter. I'm in that kind of mood today.
Do you know who is producing it, or what TV station it will be on?
If you're intrigued by this, then check out "My big redneck wedding". One episode features a pair of opposite-sex siblings, one adopted - but adopted from BIRTH, I believe - who get married at the insistence of their mom.
Ugh...that shit is just wrong. Take it from a kid who was adopted before his first birthday - it's still your sister. I just threw up in my mouth a little.
As much as I'd like to believe it, the show is probably vaporware for lack of a better term. There was a site for Wicked Summah (a Boston version of Jersey Shore) and I haven't heard anything official about the show yet. Plus who in their right mind would sign up on that website? Nonetheless, money post Edmundo.
As someone who is from Delaware, let me say that she must be from northern Delaware (Wilmington), because if she was from the south she would definitely know how to get out.
That being said, while i'll find it entertaining, and i think it has potential (there are far more rednecks than guidos) i don't think it will be anywhere near as popular as Jersey Shore, especially if it doesn't come on MTV; i predict it'll just be viewed as a JS ripoff.
I ran across the article this morning and just knew Edumndo would have a post about this up and running, lol. I'm from the "south" so I will check it out and see if I recognize anyone.
+1 for the e-tool shout out!
Regards
Don't leave home without it!
SGM at my brother's High School had 2 confimed kills in Vietnam with an E-Tool. He has the citation hanging in his office.
That is awesome. He deserves a high five, lol.
My E-Tool was one of my best friends in Iraq...mostly because I found this awesome, abandoned Iraqi Army bunker near our HQ that I used as a shitter. It was the greatest discovery in Iraq since the Hanging Gardens. It was in the middle of this field that was littered with old surface to air missiles that were either never fired or had been fired, but failed to explode...so no one went through the field. I was walking through the field one day as a short cut to the air field and found the little tunnel that lead to this underground bunker. Turned out it was rather small and nothing particularly interesting about the bunker but it immediately hit me that it would be a great place to drop a load, lol. Sometimes I like to take a couple minutes and relax while conducting business but that isn't much of a possibility when you are sitting in a port-a-potty that has the back cut out so you can remove the bucket you have to shit into. As you can probably imagine, it is horrible. Because the back is cut out and you have a day's worth of everyone's shit in there you attract every fly in a 10 mile radius...then as you try and do your business you are swarmed by hundreds (literally) of flies that you know were just feasting on someone's...uh...leftovers.
So, the bunker turned out to be my mini vacation when I was there. Because it was hidden, I could have it all to myself. Because it was underground, it was like 60 degrees, even in the middle of the day. Because I wasn't shitting in the port-a-johns I didn't have to stir the shit while it was burned with diesel fuel. So basically I cut the bottom out of a folding chair, grabbed my e-tool and some toilet paper and would head off daily. After my business, I would make a couple runs to the surface to grab a few scoops of dirt to cover up the results. Then, everyday, I would scoot the chair over a few inches to create a new pile, which helped me keep track of the days. Sadly, I showed up one day and found a messed up pattern and what looked like additional dirt piles. Much to my dismay someone else discovered my secret. Luckily it wasn't too long after that when I headed back to Kuwait and eventually back to the US. Anyways, never killed anyone with it but it certainly helped me take care of business.
Regards
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