The Models & Bottles Myth

M Friedman's picture
Rank: King Kong | 1,073

With a handful of our certified users acknowledging that they are either cashing out or thinking about walking out the door, I thought this would be an appropriate time to remind everyone why we got into finance in the first place. Models & Bottles.

After acing our business classes and killing our interviews, NYC's top clubs is our right of passage. We deserve this. Don't we?

Sorry boys, but this models bottles mentality is nothing more than a misplaced dream.

I should not have to be the one to tell a bunch of over-qualified, finance graduates that spending a 20x multiple on a bottle of Grey Goose is a dumb idea. Though, the clubs certainly aren't complaining.

Just last year alone, the top 100 clubs in the US generated over $1.4 billion in revenue,. Marquee Nightclub in Las Vegas raked in a record-breaking $70 million alone. Of the highest grossing clubs, NYC made the list with hot spots like LAVO, Pacha, 1Oak, and Avenue. Undoubtedly, clubs live off your models bottles fantasy. Even for the most unsociable of willing bankers, club promoters try their hardest to make reality of the M&B facade.

NY Mag:

She is not a pimp or a madam, she says. "It's not our job to get anybody laid." What the hosts do is more like placement. They are puzzle-doers, wielding a table chart and making sure the room looks good, depositing models beside Wall Street bankers in a Rubik's Cube of dovetailing desire.

To all the club owners, promoters, and bottle girls, bankers are nothing but "whales". It should come to no surprise to you that a bottle girl's performance is determined by how many whales she has in her phone book. At the end of the night, your business card is still far behind celebrities, athletes, and Russian billionaires.

NY Mag:

The celebrities and the athletes and the tycoons are the ones for whom this world is zealously designed. A rung below in after-work pinstripes are the money guys, the Deutsche guys and the Goldman guys and the no-name hedge-fund guys--the "whales"--guys like that one over there in a Boss suit and John Lobb shoes, standing beside the table that cost him $3,000...The bigger the whale you reel, the better a bottle girl you are. The more you siphon from the whales, the more you mean to the club.

Even after it all, I know there are going to be some college juniors and seniors ready to vindicate NYC's finest tables. If that is the case, then perhaps it's best to get philosophical with you:

NY Mag:

She [club girl] is hooking up with a 20-year-old male model but he's not here tonight and she's got her eye out for something else. Girls like her are either dating older men with money or young and good-looking ones without. There is a stupendous symmetry to this. The rich old men want to be young and good-looking and the young ones want to be rich, but both are sleeping with the same girl.

So what do you say, are you willing to be a whale poppin' bottles at one of NYC's top clubs?

Comments (22)

Apr 30, 2012

Screw IBD

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Apr 30, 2012

I'd just be happy with the money to actually be able to afford these clubs and then try to use my own game -_- to pick up girls..

If your dreams don't scare you, then they are not big enough.

"There are two types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars."-Louis C.K.

Apr 30, 2012

I think some of the clubs on that list are keeping their real revenues on the DL - some of the numbers seem WAY too low.

Apr 30, 2012
wannabeaballer:

I think some of the clubs on that list are keeping their real revenues on the DL - some of the numbers seem WAY too low.

stacks of 100s don't show up under income.

Apr 30, 2012

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

Apr 30, 2012

Okay, I'm cool with that. However, is Models & Acquisitions still on the table?

Apr 30, 2012

Bit of a tangent, but I am still amused by The Cosmopolitan (where Marquee LV is), actually LOSING money on an EBITDA basis last year. Who runs a casino and loses money?! Oh yeah, DB, nevermind:

http://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgar/data/1485589/000...

Apr 30, 2012

I think all those quotes are from the post Tiger Woods "What the hell do VIP Hostesses do anyways?" article. Keep reading and learn about "half-hookers." Interesting article.

Apr 30, 2012

This shit cant be healthy

Apr 30, 2012

What would IBD analysts even talk to girls about in the club? The last macro they knocked out?

After a few years, you'll probably have more in common with a gypsy from northern Mongolia. No sunlight, no clue.

Start over cuz the models doanwannabewitchew

Apr 30, 2012

Interesting that the article mentions Goldman and then specifically Deutsche.

    • 1
May 1, 2012

The secret service lives a bottle model life

The Four E's of investment
"The greatest Enemies of the Equity investor are Expenses and Emotions."- Warren Buffet

May 1, 2012

Hmm..It seems that the consensus is that persians are really the ones getting the bottles and models...interesting.

May 1, 2012

I wish I was born a Jewish Persian....

May 1, 2012

Have never paid for bottle services. Always used friends/connections/club promoters. Last time we went clubbing (for a friend's birthday), got full service, no line waiting, 3 grey goose bottles, all including tips, for $40 bucks. Yes, $40 bucks just to pay the tips. All 3 bottles are all paid on the house by the promoter-friends.

May 2, 2012
Human:

Have never paid for bottle services. Always used friends/connections/club promoters. Last time we went clubbing (for a friend's birthday), got full service, no line waiting, 3 grey goose bottles, all including tips, for $40 bucks. Yes, $40 bucks just to pay the tips. All 3 bottles are all paid on the house by the promoter-friends.

Wow. I thought I had my ways around clubs. Clearly you are much better at this.
Good to know you are well acquainted with club promoters. Maybe I should hang out with you sometime.
Are you based in NYC?

May 4, 2012
Human:

Have never paid for bottle services. Always used friends/connections/club promoters. Last time we went clubbing (for a friend's birthday), got full service, no line waiting, 3 grey goose bottles, all including tips, for $40 bucks. Yes, $40 bucks just to pay the tips. All 3 bottles are all paid on the house by the promoter-friends.

The places that "pay you" to come to the club are the absolute sh*ttiest clubs in NYC. And these deals are usually in the summer, when the right crowd goes to the Hamptons on the weekends. I did that once, and never again: "Magnum of Ciroc for $40 (tip) and you skip the line". I brought in some friends, skipped the line, got the the table, only to be surrounded moments later by 300 high school seniors and freshmen in college on their "first summer in the city yaay!" who all waited in line for 1h to drink yoohoos at the bar using their mom's allowance. We finished the magnum half way, gave the bottle to some 5'1" anorexic sorority girl and took off (not before punching in the face numerous times a Justin Bieber look-alike who grabbed the butt of a girl in my group, getting chased by security, and making it out in one piece).

The only people that get paid to show up in a descent club are temporary disposable socialites (Paris Hilton's of the world).

May 4, 2012
Dumbeldore3000:
Human:

Have never paid for bottle services. Always used friends/connections/club promoters. Last time we went clubbing (for a friend's birthday), got full service, no line waiting, 3 grey goose bottles, all including tips, for $40 bucks. Yes, $40 bucks just to pay the tips. All 3 bottles are all paid on the house by the promoter-friends.

The places that "pay you" to come to the club are the absolute sh*ttiest clubs in NYC. And these deals are usually in the summer, when the right crowd goes to the Hamptons on the weekends. I did that once, and never again: "Magnum of Ciroc for $40 (tip) and you skip the line". I brought in some friends, skipped the line, got the the table, only to be surrounded moments later by 300 high school seniors and freshmen in college on their "first summer in the city yaay!" who all waited in line for 1h to drink yoohoos at the bar using their mom's allowance. We finished the magnum half way, gave the bottle to some 5'1" anorexic sorority girl and took off (not before punching in the face numerous times a Justin Bieber look-alike who grabbed the butt of a girl in my group, getting chased by security, and making it out in one piece).

The only people that get paid to show up in a descent club are temporary disposable socialites (Paris Hilton's of the world).

Hater is just going to hate. It was at "http://ajnabarnyc.com/" after 11:00pm. Still no need to wait in line. The promoters also brought girls. All my buddies doesn't need to pay either. And still $40 in total.

May 4, 2012

In 10 years, the B-list celebrities and the double-digit IQ'ed sport players showing up at these clubs will be either (brain) dead, bankrupt, depressed, or all of the above. In 10 years, I'll be worth 8 figures and will likely own a couple of these clubs.

It's all about putting things in perspective. In the meantime, talking from experience, I can tell you that when ten 24-year old Bulge Bracket M&A bankers take over the VIP section of a club in London or NYC, the world revolves around nothing else. The celebrities usually get frustrated by the lack of attention and leave.

May 4, 2012
Dumbeldore3000:

In 10 years, the B-list celebrities and the double-digit IQ'ed sport players showing up at these clubs will be either (brain) dead, bankrupt, depressed, or all of the above. In 10 years, I'll be worth 8 figures and will likely own a couple of these clubs.

It's all about putting things in perspective. In the meantime, talking from experience, I can tell you that when ten 24-year old Bulge Bracket M&A bankers take over the VIP section of a club in London or NYC, the world revolves around nothing else. The celebrities usually get frustrated by the lack of attention and leave.

You're Dumbledoore, just make them disappear now and you can have the clubs all to yourself.

May 4, 2012
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