My husband hate the way I dress

"Are you sure you're wearing that?" These very words from my hubby make me uncomfortable and he is starting to get into my nerves and it is affecting my self-esteem. I used to have no problem with office attire, and I never changed my style. I am confused and don't know where he's nasty comments about the way I dress now is coming from.

 
vik2000:
Why don't you fucking ask him and see what he says?

JFC this. He's a man. Just ask him and stop trying to dance around it. You're just going to cause more stress and your husband is going to wonder wtf your problem is. My girlfriend of many years has yet to learn that men want straight-talk and it just raises my blood pressure.

 
harshbask:
"Are you sure you're wearing that?" These very words from my hubby make me uncomfortable and he is starting to get into my nerves and it is affecting my self-esteem. I used to have no problem with office attire, and I never changed my style. I am confused and don't know where he's nasty comments about the way I dress now is coming from.

this piece of prose is simply amazing

 

Actually, I was trying to get others opinion and people who could help me with my problem. I don't want to ruin our relationship just because of petty things like the way I dress. I could change but I want to know where he is coming from. I want to make him talk to me about his issues, and one advice I get is to visit a website named [cannot crosslink] , which I am considering because I am willing to try anything that could help us.

 
Most Helpful

If you don't wish to attempt a direct answer from him, or at least counter his questions with one of your own like "Care to suggest something else for me to wear?"... then maybe try to gather some information from him indirectly.

You say that your style has never changed. Has anything else changed? Your weight gone up or down? Change in hair color or hair style? Had a baby? Health changes? Surgery? Do you have adult children and became grandparents recently?

Has he ever complimented your outfits? If he hasn’t complimented you recently, then did he in the past? Try and recall when any nice things were said and for what - was it when you wore florals or a certain solid color or a pantsuit or a dress?

Do you two ever go shopping together? If it's not something you ordinarily do, then see if it's something he's open to. Go out together, try something on and ask his thoughts or at the very least, point items out in the store and say something like "I was thinking the other day, that I don't have any green/short sleeve/skirt/dress/etc. What do you think of this for me?" Don’t just ask if he likes something – put it in his head that you are asking HIS opinion of how HE thinks something might look on HIS bride. Engage him in a way that he can’t just give you a flat yes or no. You need to ask questions where he’ll elaborate and give you some detail as to where his head is at [such as does he think that you’re dressing too old or too young for your age possibly? I mentioned above if you two are old enough to have adult kids and you recently became grandparents – you would be amazed at the mental connections that some men make in regards to a woman’s behavior and appearance after they have a child of their own or when becoming a grandmother… it’s like sort of a weird continuation of the Madonna-whore complex.]

If your husband isn’t into going to the mall with you, then I would suggest you shop alone, buy a few items and then try on the items for him when you are both home. Again, don’t just ask him “do you like this?” – tell him “I remember you used to love that blue dress with the v-neck – what do you think of this? Do you think it’s as flattering or is the skirt too long?”

My husband and I often hit the stores together. He enjoys selecting my work clothes and very often finds things that I might not otherwise consider if I were shopping alone. He understands my tastes and preferences [I really don't like pants much, I don’t do pantsuits and I have a difficult time finding jeans that I find flattering - but whenever I do track down jeans, I make an effort of wearing them when he's around.] That being said, I think it’s far more important to dress to please yourself. But if you are part of a pair and they react to your appearance [reactions can be good or bad, but obviously we’d like it to be good]… communication is as important as trying to please them as best as you can manage, based on the circumstances [I have a number female friends who cry about how nothing/rarely something they wear gets any response from their men or they, like you, only hear criticisms and no solutions/suggestions].

Quick-ish aside to the menfolk of WSO… I know and appreciate you are all tough, thick-skinned, successful AF bro-heims of the banking and finance universe, where often the loudest or most blunt route is the best, where everything can be incredibly black and white but come on, we are adults here. Offer some advice, don’t browbeat people asking for it. If you think this thread is a waste of your time, then read something else. We’re supposed to be a community here to answer questions and aim towards [mostly] thoughtful discussions. I’m relatively new here, but unless OP is a troll, I really don’t get where the snark and animosity is coming from.

OP, only you know how best to avoid or bring up a touchy issue in your relationship – it’s an immensely personal thing, your physical appearance and it’s an incredibly emotional thing too, wanting to look your best, whether for yourself, your mate and/or for how you present yourself to the world… even moreso when your mate is making you doubt yourself.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

Key question: who has a better sense of what style is most appropriate for your career?

My personal answer without hesitation,"My wife does!" In addition to having great style, she's got a fundamental understanding of male executive fashion. She started learning this at a young age from my father-in-law (retired CEO of two different NYSE companies) and further refined her perspective as a strategy consultant at Bain & Co.

In many marriages, there is a tension between what one spouse would like to see personally, and what's best for the other spouse professionally. If your trusted friends at work agree that you have "no problem at with office attire," you might want to bring that into the discussion at home.

 

does this look too slutty? does this look awkward for my body type? does this make my cleavage look good/bad? is this too short? is this too tight? does this make my fat look too visible?

etc...you got to ask specific questions if you want to know...

just google it...you're welcome
 

Did this start happening recently? Try to remember- see if anything happened around the time that he started cold-shouldering you. Otherwise, InfoDominatrix pretty much nailed it.

"I'm at a loss, he was part of that whole Yale thing... Well, I think, for one, that he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine... You know, that Yale thing."
 

Trunkclub is your friend. This whole thread is incredibly strange, but given you reference to not changing your style, my guess is that you aren’t very fashion forward. There are now services, like trunkclub, that can help you with profession advice.

 

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