Dating after being nyc hf
Has anyone gone from being nyc top hf to move to a random city and just have a normal job? How did dating change for you and how did you handle this? I did this recently and honestly it is so ridiculous how I went from being utterly drowning in women to utterly nothing. I live in a city now where everything is more based on how hot and fit you are and I am not either. I mean I totally accept that probably a lot of women only liked me for my job but it’s hard to accept just how much it is worse now perhaps partly because of where I live but also I don’t think in random other cities anyone even knows what a hedge fund is. I guess the big thing here is also there’s just so much more disrespect and like annoying behavior from women versus before they were so easy to deal with. Like honestly before women were so easy to get to know whereas now it’s so hard. Before though I did get a bit put off by it where I didn’t really like how to some extent the women felt like groupies. When you lose that though you sort of miss it because you start to experience how demeaning dating apps are for just normal men. I’m just curious I guess what the experience was for others that might have done similar things and whether you had certain ways of adapting.
Based on the most helpful WSO content, transitioning from being in a top NYC hedge fund to a smaller city with a "normal" job can drastically change your dating dynamics. Here's what stands out:
Shift in Dating Pool Quality and Dynamics:
Perception of Your Career:
Dating Apps and Challenges for "Normal Men":
Adapting to the New Environment:
Perspective on Groupies vs. Genuine Connections:
Ultimately, adapting to this new dating landscape requires a shift in mindset and approach. Embrace the opportunity to redefine what you're looking for in a partner and focus on qualities that matter beyond surface-level attributes.
Sources: https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/hedge-fund/how-to-adjust-to-hedge-fund-culture?customgpt=1, Question for Those Who Moved Cities, Joined New Firm; Complete Non-Cultural Fit > Let Go in 6 Months, IB + Long Distance Relationship, The Hedge Fund Experience - Good, Bad, Ugly
Stop whining. You did the same as a woman who gained 200 lbs
For someone that worked at a top HF, you don’t seem to have basic intelligence and thought.
In nyc, while you were self admittedly not good looking for fit, you worked at a job that paid you millions. So cute girls were willing to close their eyes and bang you since you could provide them with financial gifts.
Now you are working a normal job, and so why would a hot girl bang you without the cash benefit? You’re surprised that without your money girls are not willing to overlook the fact you’re ugly and out of shape? Really tubbs?
I’m more curious why the HF canned you and why you ran away to a normal job instead of joining a new fund.
If you made enough money to retire to a normal city and job, then flaunt your money more openly so the hot, gold diggers can find you. Or just start hitting up escorts.
Rare Smoke Frog W (perhaps the only one ever)
sort of true but in reality imo I don’t even think I had to provide “financial gifts”. I typically split things 50-50 after maybe a few dates and it didn’t matter — women were happy to do that. I think it has more to do with women in nyc seeing it as almost a trophy to get a certain boyfriend. In my experience they don’t actually want you to pay for everything. I appreciate the criticism but also it really wasn’t the case that women only liked me because I spent money on them but I do think it had a lot to do with the status of my job, but in other cities the same doesn’t hold.
Not sure why you are assuming I was canned since that wasn’t in my post but the general tone of this thread is “the reason why this happened is because you’re a huge loser” which I think is at least partly because none of you seem to want to acknowledge the same could happen to you as well if life didn’t work out. It seems totally unnecessary to make that assumption but I assume it serves a role for you lol.
It really just is respect from others that bothers me and it’s not actually the case that I’m that attached to how hot the women are. To be honest purely from working at a top HF, given how hard that is to get I don’t think you get that much hotter of women vs not to go on a date with you. This aspect is fairly unchanged. However, their level of interest and respect for you is totally different. It is of course also harder to have a lot of women sleep with you but in some sense this is not what I want anymore anyways.
But honestly my conclusion from this is tbh that if anything this is a good thing. Like I actually do want someone that would be a good wife and mother, so actually if most people now are closer to their “true selves” then if anything that’s a good thing even if it’s unpleasant much of the time. I would rather know sooner what kind of a person someone is. Before I honestly couldn’t tell which if any of the women actually truly liked me for me. I’m not sure if I even think there’s such a thing as a “true self” and loving someone for their “true self” — of course when you first meet you are attracted to many superficial qualities. But maybe it will now be easier to at least someone a bit closer to that ideal even though it is a bit rockier.
maybe get off wso and get in the gym bro. i made it work on apps and irl when i lived in fing ohio with no money and i made it work in t1 cities with bread.
NYC girls are notorious for just being climbers. you said it yourself - they were only around for your job/money. You left that because you wanted to. Deep down you want to be valued for more, so let this force you. money muscle mindset. given that ur coping with this obvious truth you do not have the latter 2. Fortunately the second one takes like a couple months to lock in if you actually try, and if you got that PLUS money its game over
Whats ur height?
I’m 5’11”. I appreciate you saying that. I would say it’s more that women are more rude or disrespectful. It’s what I’ve been doing but yeah I’ve never cared much for how I looked though I don’t think I’m terrible looking either. I’ve been going to the gym more because I agree it’s the biggest lever though tbh it takes so long to get any progress.
I think the biggest thing also is that other than title or job people don’t really know. So like in New York I’m convinced women are psycho enough to LinkedIn stalk you and so the fact I worked at a lot of the top SMs meant it didn’t matter. But where I moved now women don’t know this and also nobody has a good job anyway. (Think a place like Oklahoma City or Dallas or something where yes it’s a city but it’s not the case that some people make 10x more or that there’s these ultra prestigious jobs really). So basically the fact I’m successful is really just not visible. In other words there’s basically a greater requirement for being flashy sort of. I don’t inherently like doing this but also I believe in playing the game. Like I legitimately don’t like watches. Cars I do inherently like and would do it regardless of effect on women but I do intuitively think it’s honestly gross to consider this at all. But also I mean it’s no different from someone liking you for your job.
I’ve also just genuinely wanted people to like me for me as wild as that sounds but a lot of me thinks dating apps make this inherently just not how the world works. I’ve tried dating outside of the apps but it’s the same thing where women are so closed off. Like I’ll ask women for their number and they are so flakey. Before I could literally like not show any interest to a woman and she would send me nudes or something unprompted which tbh is not what I’d want in my wife but at least she’s showing interest and not making me feel like a loser lmao. Now if I make an off color joke women immediately shut off lol. Like without being flashy life really sucks as a man lmao. So when I say this yes I’m complaining but also sort of not. My point is I’d like ideally someone would like me regardless but maybe this just doesn’t happen. Or maybe there’s ways to make it more likely.
Big dawg ngl it sounds like ur in Austin. Thats ur first prob. Cant be somewhere where the ratio is off even 51/49
You need to take your hedge fund money and buy a very expensive car. Believe that goes far in tertiary cities.
I see why a former manager suggest I go work in New York. Some cities you basically work as a rainforest future salesmen to women.
What does a "rainforest future salesmen to women" mean?
Exactly.
the advice here is just to accept reality and get in really good shape but also just buy a nice car or something? This is eventually sort of where I came to on my own so I do appreciate the thoughts. but was just wondering if anyone has experienced this themselves? I was more just wondering how much things changed for you and what you noticed changed and how you handled that. Like yes I agree people are superficial and yes it’s true that when someone says “XYZ is shallow” is actually almost always a sign that it works and is effective. I’m also not really complaining like yes it’s sad but I’m more just wondering how to adjust from anyone that’s sort of experienced something similar.
they told you how to adjust - get fit, dress better and try to make more money. There's no secret recipe that a therapist can prescribe you that will make hot chicks drool over an out of shape dude with an average job - you are just as shallow as them since you're only going after hot girls so no whining pls
From what you've described already, I'm assuming you're very average looking, low-testosterone, and victim weight, but THAT'S OK. Hit the gym hard, clean diet only, stop choking your chicken, delete social media.
Be real with yourself- if you were a hot girl, would you fuck you? If the answer isn't a resounding yes then forget about meeting anyone anywhere, get fit first
The women aren't different btw, they're the same anywhere you go and they always will be. You give off victim energy - it's repulsive and I'm not even into guys. Stay hard
Best of luck
hands off the chicken is prob the only real advice this guy needs and everything else will fall into place. i dont even release w my gf. retainage is laughed at and touted by weird internet people but it is truly natural stroids
Have you considered maybe your issue is actually your personality / you’re not all that intelligent / you are boring?
Signed, a woman in WSO…
"I’ve also just genuinely wanted people to like me for me" - the only person who will ever love you just for being you is your mom. Everyone else, you have to - and this is true - TRY
"it’s more that women are more rude or disrespectful." - they "disrespect you"? What makes you think you "deserve respect" from women?
"Like I’ll ask women for their number and they are so flakey." - that's because they don't actually want to date you but are afraid you'll do some red pill shit if they say it to your face, so they give you a fake number. Check your vibes
"at least she’s showing interest and not making me feel like a loser lmao. Now if I make an off color joke women immediately shut off lol. " - unfortunately, the loser label seems well deserved
This post is an embarrassment to citadel
Sounds like you are in denial that this would be true of you if the same happened to you!
Maybe its the fact that your entire personality is based on working at a Hedge Fund (evidenced by your refusal to change your title)
Dolor eum eveniet est illum aut ipsum mollitia. Aut dolore non adipisci voluptas officiis placeat. Omnis itaque possimus ipsam natus temporibus laborum. Voluptas eius quibusdam ex harum illum tenetur voluptatem voluptatum. Blanditiis aut aliquam quisquam ipsam.
Sit tenetur eligendi itaque dolor fuga cum consectetur. Incidunt ut occaecati quis. Blanditiis aliquam aliquam et voluptatum.
Voluptate autem modi qui officiis facere suscipit. Earum totam eos dolores sit ipsam quia. Repellat aliquam ut adipisci odio dolores velit. Est voluptatum blanditiis fugiat omnis debitis eum. Quo deserunt dolore deleniti.
Saepe tenetur perspiciatis sed harum. Voluptas aspernatur nostrum fugiat voluptatem veniam quia expedita. Minus dolore dolores necessitatibus assumenda amet.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Quam corporis vel rem. Et architecto nisi rerum rem. Et maiores nisi dolorum reprehenderit.