AN1 Feeling Incredibly Lost And Depresseed
An1 here, started in July / Aug. Long story short, I went to a target school and recruited for banking for all of the wrong reasons (prestige, clout, yadda yadda). I don't love finance but convinced myself the balance of ~soft and hard skills~ and ~c suite exposure~ were what i wanted out of a career. Now I am in a horrific pickle because of a decision I made in sophomore year of college.
- I don't think I really ramped up. I still work really slowly. It takes me ages to update charts in Excel. I make careless mistakes that compound when I'm under pressure (been working on this actively but haven't improved as much as I like). I hate spreading financials and my numbers don't tick. I don't want to take on more responsibility with the models and technical stuff because I struggle with the basics so I'm basically a powerpoint and PIB making bitch. Don;t have much live deal exposure or any seniors who would vouch for me and my work product
- This lifestyle really is not for me. I mentally can't handle working 7 days a week and pulling all nighters. I basically become a zombie and get paralyzed by anxiety. I'm unhappy and completely burnt out. I think my capacity for a banker is pretty low and I really don't do well under pressure. My mental health is shit. I don't even have that much work relative to my peers who are getting slammed on live deals, it's more so the feeling that I hate my job and it's a terrible fit and environment for me personally that's eating away at me. Recently I've been feeling twitchy and shaky and dissociative (like I'll walk around the office and not feel present at all, like completely spaced out going through the motions). I have no energy to do anything. I'm barely outputting work at the job and working incredibly slowly.
- Because I can barely handle the job right now without crying or having a mental breakdown over updating some charts in Excel multiple times a week, I am not in a great position to recruit for other jobs. I've been networking on the side and applying here and there but it's been really hard. I don't want to go into PE and I want to do something more writing / communications focused which makes recruiting even more complicated. Obviously it's easier to get a job when you are still employed but I've been applying / interviewing a bit with no luck. I know people will tell me to quiet quit and recruit on the side, which is what I'm doing, but it's hard to quiet quit when you weren't good at your job to begin with. I can't really bullshit my work and find time to recruit unless I straight up don't do it.
- I feel like a kindergartener who was thrown into AP Calc. I'm in over my head and can't perform well or learn under pressure and now I'm getting more and more work thrown at me because it's expected that I've ramped up.
What are my options here? Everyone on this forum is going to tell me to tough it out for a year but I'm just genuinely so depressed doing a job I dislike and am not good at, and to be honest if a job wants 2 years of banking as a prerequisite, that's not a job I want because I can't handle banking. I feel like I'm strapped into a nightmare rollercoaster and I can't get off. I'm scared if I quit nobody will want to hire someone who couldn't survive a year of banking. I guess it's kind of my fault because I should have known better before signing up for this job (wow, psycho hard job turns out to be hard! newsflash) but I really thought it was what I wanted to do at the time. Is it stupid to tell my staffer I'm struggling and lowkey cannot do the job? will they fire me? (honestly would be a blessing at this poitn....put me out of my misery)
I'm kind of rambling but I've never felt so sad and lonely and depressed in my life. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Anyone have suggestions for jobs that are more communications / writing focused (I am thinking financial journalism maybe). Is it stupid to quit now? ANyone quit in less than a year?
Would appreciate any advice, as I feel awful and so depressed and dream about getting hit by car so I don't have to go to work.
It’s gonna be okay baby. Don’t worry. We love you very much. Come here for the hug 🤗. There you go papa. Now go to sleep
Wait for your bonus and then quit. If you are unhappy enough and can’t make it that far, then you can still also quit. Having a job lined up before you quit is up to you (always a good idea) but you should value your happiness over doing something you genuinely hate.
this is why u take non-targets
Nice joke. I'd prefer churning through 100 OPs over taking a non-target.
go make sure ur analyst doesn't fuck up the VDR again and get my DD question log back to me you nerd, it's been 10 days, value of the little shitco you're peddling is dropping by the second.
I say this to everyone, you know you can be good at other things right? You know people make a ton of money in this world and are successful who didn’t start in IB right? Maybe you won’t get the same starting salary, but at least you won’t be chronically depressed
and guess what, there’s a ton of people who would suck at IB (and also hate it) who do great at different jobs. Hell my moron friends in tech sales made more than me last year
If I were you I would quit and go find something else, but doing that you would have to eat the obvious downfall of not at least getting the cred on your resume
Hey there! Just a casual WSO lurker here. It sounds like you're having a really tough time, and that's alright! The industry is not for everyone, nor is it the end-all-be-all. Firstly, give yourself the credit for making it this far. Then, realize that it's important to remember that it's just a job. There's so much more to life and so many opportunities out there. The guy who came before me in my role left to go write scripts, so I have no doubt you can find a role doing financial journalism. Again, there's far more to life than the finance industry, and even more to life than a career. If this is how you feel, that's fine! So many other people have felt that way. Go chase your passion. Fuck it if this forum memes you or gives you MS for not being a hardo.
Based on what I've read, I'd prioritize your health above all else and figure out the rest as you go/later in the process. Maybe at least figure out how you'll keep yourself afloat financially, but giving my uninformed opinion you should quit sooner rather than later. Else it will not get easier for you (nor healthier) if you stay any longer. I think the consequences of you quitting are far less dire than the consequences of you staying at your job.
You've got this! Don't overthink it. Take deep breaths and take a step back to see the bigger picture, and I think you'll better realize that you'd be much happier and live a more fulfilling life stepping away from banking.
Law school.
Pls tell me you're not a diversity hire
Not sure I can be of much help since I bavent started working FT yet but I recently did an off cycle internship at an EB after graduating from a target too, and honestly cannot relate more to every single point you've written in this post haha.
Literally every bullet point hit so close to home (I honestly thought I was the only one out here having literal breakdowns over excel chart updates😂). Didnt even feel like I had the right to complain during my internship as I was producing no work+ not being even half as slammed as everyone around + didnt even have any proper technical work to do but was still doing so miserably w attention to detail errors etc and was not liked by my team. Was also under constant anxiety about how I was doing so miserably that I would not get an extension/return offer (I was right lol) having already graduated.
Also funny because I was also searching the forum for people who want to do something more writing based.
But also just as a thought, it doesnt seem to me like the problems you described are not fixable. Are you sure at least a lot of this cannot be fixed by simply forming better habits just to survive for the time being before you find something else (printing+checking more carefully) and maybe brushing up on excel/ppt more during spare time to get faster and more accurate at things? Was also guilty of not doing this stuff enough during my internship haha.
Also realise this post was a few months ago, have you managed to find anything else which suits you more by any chance?
Feel free to pm rather than reply on here if you would prefer:-)
lmao. made this post and promptly ignored it because i was embarrassed in hindsight. clearly was in a horrific mental state haha. ultimately realized banking was not where my strength was, took a leap of faith and quit the job. found a new job in a different industry. complete career pivot, if you want to comp maxx and clout chase don’t do what i did but im much happier and feel like i have a much more sustainable long term career trajectory. best of luck with your journey, there are more things out there to life than banking if you want to explore them :)
Im a second year analyst and just got promoted…I resonated with this post a lot and realized i need to gtfo right about now
Also, how did you manage to convert your internship btw? I had similar issues to what you described which led me to not being able to convert so was just wondering if you had tips on how you handled it then :-)
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