Are most young people in NYC bankrolled by the Bank of Mom & Dad?

I grew up poor in a crappy mid west city. Went to a top college on almost a full ride and got a job in NYC doing IB after college. 

I've spent over 7 years here now, and it seems like these super "progressive" mega cities like SF/NYC that promote equality are the most oppressive to "settle" into if you don't have generational wealth backing you. 

It was fine in my early 20s when everyone was renting, burning our paychecks on nights out, parties, sporting events, etc. I've saved a decent chunk, but nowhere enough to do the big "life events" (mainly buying homes, getting married, kids in the cards within a few years). 

Now my friends are buying $1MM to $2MM homes, throwing extravagant weddings that cost $100K+, and I'm thinking how the fuck are these guys doing it? I was right in the thick of it splitting that $1,000 bottle of service of Dom on Saturday night with these guys. 

Then it fucking hits me when I go to their newly furnish homes and meet the parents at their weddings. They are fucking backed by the Bank of Mom and Dad. 

I've been trying to keep up with the Jones all these years and I just realized I'm not only competing with them when it comes to bonus season, I'm competing against them and their generational safety net.

That is all and why I'll be forced to move to a lower cost of living city in the next few years to settle down. 



 

Sounds like you just roll with a rich crowd. I wouldn't say "most" young people are supported by their parents, but 95% of the ones blowing big money on tables and bottles or paying $5k for rent are.

I know plenty of upper-middle-class types in NYC who've gotten married, house, kids etc - but they buy a reasonably priced home in Jersey, normal wedding, and do well on their salary. Stay friends with these guys, go out on their boat and to their golf course, but they are the minority. There will always be someone richer than you, just part of life.

 

That's how it's supposed to be. For generations, parents have helped their kids finance weddings (normally the bride's dad has his head on the chopping block for this) and many families help their kids purchase their first home. It's something that runs in a lot of families, including mine. It's not really something you should really knock these people for, unless they don't expect to do the same for their kids. It's a good thing, really. Your post kinda wreaks of jealousy.

 
Controversial

Wow. Surprised by the reaction to my comment. I’ll double down.

I’m sorry your parents are financially unsuccessful and/or don’t care enough about you to improve your life through simple economics. Money for weddings and houses is easier to shell out after decades of compounded interest. Sorry you dopes are so bitter. Maybe be better than your parents?

 
Funniest

WSO's finest. 

I'm sure you think poor minorities in underserved communities are there because they are lazy and stupid, not because they were born into that situation too. If only these poor minorities didn't make the poor decision to be born into poor families. 

Question for you. Do you bring your MAGA hat to work, or do you leave that in the closest? 

 
Most Helpful

As someone who grew up poor and had rich childhood friends, I was with you on this comment. However, you started to get pretty disrespectful, insensitive, and ignorant in your following comments. Ideally, parents should be in a position to help their children and do things like financing their education and giving them the luxury of figuring out what they really want to do instead of having to work for money to survive. In addition, parents should do other things like help pay for weddings, first homes, and cars. Traditionally the woman's family paid for their wedding.

Unfortunately, it's the other way around when you're poor. A lot of parents in poor communities have children that end up taking care of them. I can't explain the reasons for poverty in a comment, but it's not always due to laziness. It can be difficult for people that grew up in generational wealth to understand generational poverty, just like it can be difficult for people that grew up in generational poverty to understand generational wealth. It's a blessing to have a family that can afford to make life a bit easier for their children. Everyone should strive to give their children a better life, but these families should also teach their children empathy for people less fortunate.

Suppose you go back far enough in every family with generational wealth. In that case, you will find ancestors that grew up in generational poverty until one person changed it for the rest of their family. Sometimes the descendants forget what poverty is, but it's in every bloodline. Even John D. Rockefeller's grandparents were poor farmers, and his dad was a con artist and a deadbeat. And no one is promised wealth forever like the Vanderbilts. All it takes is a few bad decisions or unfortunate events to send a family back into poverty, especially when they start to feel entitled to wealth.

I mean look at Jesse Livermore, his great-granddaughter is doing p*rn now.

 

I have experienced this as well, and I think it is especially prevalent with 20's aged girls who work in non-finance professions.

  • I know a girl who makes $35k a year and and rents a $10k/month apartment with one other roommate. Her parents wanted her to "be safe" so they paid for her to get a nice apartment lmao.
  • Another girl I know makes $30k a year and her parents pay for everything (food, rent, general expenses) and let her keep her salary as "fun money".
  • Girl #3 makes $40k a year and rents a $7k/month apartment with two other roommates and her parents send her an "allowance check" every month

I could go on an on with this. That is not to say that it is just girls however, there are plenty of guys who are supported by their parents in one way or another. It is certainly the people I hang around, but working in finance, by association a lot of my friends date rich girls, and many of them come from well off families too. The amount of illogical and superfluous spending honestly disgusts me at times. These feelings of resentment obviously come from a place of jealousy/insecurity seeing as how I did not grow up rich, but I cannot comprehend the level of ignorance and tone-deafness that some of these people possess. 

I come from a similar background as you OP. I think you can find solace in the fact that you are working very hard to create a positive financial situation for yourself and you can impart values of frugality and situational awareness on your kids if you so choose as you have the actual experience to do so. 

 

Eh its not the true progressives causing the inequality in cities so much as the centre left people who are happy to support liberal social causes but will fight tooth and nail to stop zoning for multi family or higher density anywhere in their city. Progressives are much more for building more housing than the centre left upper middle class crowd who are supportive of more housing anywhere but their neighborhood. 

 

NYC/SF/LA are for the super rich or the super poor. 

If you're a W2 worker pulling in a salary, no financial help from parents, very unlikely you'll be able to settle into these areas. More likely, you'll be playing in the suburbs of these areas in your early 30s and commuting in. 

It is what it is. 

Next time you hear a late 20s something telling you about the new home they bought in the city, just smile and say congrats. You know in 90% of the case, they got help from parents or family and didn't really earn it. 

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