Associate horror stories

I'm looking to hear the most ridiculous, annoying, terrible stories out there. 

Personally, nothing really stands out. Overall my experience has been pretty fair, but there is one person who is driving me off the wall with their attitude/work style. Needing some entertainment / fellow commiseration to get me through... I'm trying to be the best analyst I can be but sometimes I really want to punch a wall. 

 
Controversial

Please stop with all these nonsense posts trying to deride Aso, seriously. Get a life and grow a pair. This is part of working in an organization - you really have to stop complaining and learn how to deal with the situation by asking for actual advice on WSO or from your mentors. You have to face the reality of working with people with different styles/character. This is part of your learning curve too, not just crunch profiles/excel. Associates have to deal with lots of shit from checked-out analysts, aggressive VPs and Ds too

 

I had an associate who thought dividends didn’t impact share price, and drew up a several-slide, “deep-dive” on the week where their multiples ‘mysteriously’ cratered (after stroking a fat special dividend — that the associate knew about). A slide on how the dividend was bad optics, a slide on geopolitical, a slide on monetary policy, etc. 

 

UnknownGenius

Hired someone as a 2nd year associate out of Exxon. Dude had zero previous banking or finance experience. Needless to say, he is clueless on most things esp modeling and a pain to work for

I think I know exactly who you are talking about 😂. Is it an EB in Houston?

 
Most Helpful

What's the exact opposite of a role model? That's what my first associate was. Coming up, I'd remember what he did and would do exactly the opposite.

Absolute...fucking...pushover, our carpeting had more self respect. No pushback on unreasonable deadlines, moronic edits and things of that sort. Would take the most unnecessary reamings with a smile on his face and tell us wide eyed first years "this is all part of the learning experience".

My fondest memory is watching him get reamed out by a VP for something really stupid, followed by a call to his wife to tell her that he's going to be late. You could hear her fire and brimstone from a couple desks away. First time I've ever seen absolute defeat in a person. She literally took his man card, ripped it up, pissed on the remains and set them on fire.

S, if you're still around, I hope you're no longer the shriveled husk of human that you were.

 
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