Contemplating Suicide

My man. We have all been there. Please don't do this. 

You are worth so much more than your job. These cultures are toxic and unbearable. If I were you, I'd take a moment to look at your accomplishments and how you got to where you are today. I would encourage you to leave this job. It sounds terrible. 

Please talk to someone. You can call the hotline at (800)273-8255. If you don't feel like talking, you can also chat with them online. Feel free to PM.

Hey, Ive been there in the past. I’ve had a rough life and it’s been very dark at times- digging quarters out of my couch when I lived in poverty

and being found passed out on the floor by my friends.

I am so happy everyone told me to keep fighting and I saw it through. My life is way better several years later. It is not worth it and it will pass. If you need to talk, message me. I’ll even give you a call if you’d like, but you should talk to a professional.

Gave you a silver banana....hang in there man.  There is more silver bananas ahead than monkey shit.  You just gotta make it through this rough patch.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

It may not feel like it right now, but promise you shit will get better.

As someone who struggled with severe anxiety/depression in high school and contemplated suicide, I truly feel for where you are today and how you are feeling.  I felt like a complete failure for several years as I dropped out of high school and was a recluse for several years. 

Please call the hotline suggested above or, if in any way helpful, feel free to PM and I'm happy to get on a call at any time.  

Hey man, I’m about to get my kids to bed soon but I want to take a pause here and tell you please do not harm yourself!  You can see how many folks in this community alone care enough about your well being.

Please recognize that the voice in your head and in all of our heads is an asshole and pushes us around with a lot of self doubt, negativity  and usually an unhealthy comparison mindset. We are constantly beating ourselves up and need to practice some self compassion. We need to tame the asshole voice in our heads - there is a book about this called “10% happier” it’s a very good read about a newscaster who fell off the deep end and had a total meltdown on live tv and how he turned himself around. 

Imagine if a friend or anyone came to you with this problem, how you would likely speak with them about it. I bet you’d be a lot less critical of them than you are of yourself and would recognize what they have going for them.  

Please take some time to try and clear your head and possibly meditate.  Please visit the UCLA center for mindfulness for some quick exercises that can help you relax and gain some perspective. 

https://www.uclahealth.org/marc/default.cfm

Talk to someone, talk to a professional, text a friend or shoot a note to someone you care about. Just take a walk for starters. Man shit - sometimes what helped me thru is listening to Jazz or the blues. The blues is therapy for suffering. Anyway man, much love.  Please let us know if there is more we can do for you. 

good for you for reaching out to someone, even WSO. That's a big step and most people aren't that brave. as many have said a job isn't worth it and should never be your source of happiness. Now I don't know if you want someone giving you advice or just someone to listen to you to but I think you can get anything from anyone of the commenters here by PMing them (including myself ofcourse). believe me you arent alone in feeling this way, and its much more common than you think. I guess nobody really lives anymore.

Not trying to tell you what you should do or shouldn't do, but one thing I did once that got me out of my lowest point mentally was being spontaneous and disregarding logic. I went skinny dipping in a muddy bay near a major international airport that smelled like jetfuel in the middle of a thunderstorm. Just randomly pulled over got out and swam like a fucking psycho. I dont know why I did it, and its not like its an admirable story in any way.  But I guess by going against logic and felt free from judgement and it felt okay to be stupid and less than. I felt more alive in that dumb moment than ever and I still look back fondly on it. Again, no need to take my advice man but if you have a chance to live stupid and free and do something that makes 0 sense do it bro

 

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bro, if you got into banking, you can easily get a cushy 40h/week job and make $100k+ and have an awesome life with everything you want (dating, gaming, music, weed, traveling, etc.). just relax, quit your job, find one with good WLB and enjoy life.

For the original poster and anyone else who comes across this thread in the future:

Crisis Lines

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. You can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or chat.

Crisis Text Line
Text Line is free, 24/7 support for those in crisis. Text 741741 from anywhere in the U.S. to text with a trained Crisis Counselor. Crisis Text Line trains volunteers to support people in crisis. With over 79 million messages processed to date, they are growing quickly, but so is the need.

Trevor Lifeline 
The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQ) young people under 25. The TrevorLifeline is a crisis intervention and suicide prevention phone service available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386. TrevorText is available by texting “START” to 678678.

TrevorSpace is an online international peer-to-peer community for LGBTQ young people and their friends.

Trans Lifeline
Trans Lifeline is a national trans-led 501(c)(3) organization dedicated to improving the quality of trans lives by responding to the critical needs of our community with direct service, material support, advocacy, and education. Fighting the epidemic of trans suicide and improving overall life-outcomes of trans people the Trans Lifeline facilitates justice-oriented, collective community aid. Their peer support hotline is run by and for trans people. The line is available daily from 7 a.m.–1 a.m. PST / 9 a.m.–3 a.m. CST / 10 a.m.–4 a.m. EST. Volunteers may be available during off hours. Call 877-565-8860 to speak to someone now.

Veterans Crisis Line
The Veterans Crisis Line is a free, confidential resource that’s available to anyone, even if you’re not registered with VA or enrolled in VA health care. The caring, qualified responders at the Veterans Crisis Line are specially trained and experienced in helping veterans of all ages and circumstances; many of the responders are veterans themselves. If you’re a veteran in crisis or concerned about one, there are caring, qualified VA responders standing by to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call 1-800-273-8255 and press 1 or text 838255.

For more resources: https://www.samhsa.gov/childrens-awareness-day/event/resources-suicide-prevention

For international suicide crisis lines: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

All of you are valuable and worthwhile, please look at these resources if you are struggling or know someone who is struggling. To everyone else, knowing about these resources is so important in our industry given the toxic culture at many companies. If our employers won't look out for our mental health, then we as a community need to help each other out.

Heya! I hope you are feeling better, its great to see everyone coming together and giving support. If you are not yet feeling better, don't worry - things WILL get better, I can promise you this!

I think from this thread alone, you can see how many individuals care for you and about you, despite never having met you. And these are WSO monkeys. You might think that you have no one in your life to confide in, but that is often times a mistake we make when our mental health suffers. A few months I ago I was in a similar position and I too thought that I had no one and I thought that things wouldn't get better and with life being meaningless in itself. I have now recovered and looking back, I was just in a temporary downwards spiral with all my thoughts, emotions and physical situation all simultaneously causing each other to deteriorate. It really did make me think like it was the end of the World for me and that life wasn't worth it no more. You might be in a similar situation.

I can give you 1 MASSIVE peace of advice -  Hold on. Have some hope, please. We might find ourselves in such a mental state and this might be because of a lot of things going wrong at the same time. You might think you have lost everything you have worked so hard for and I sympathise with you. Hopefully, in a few days, weeks, months or years you will look back and thank your current self for not taking the actions you thought you wanted to. Like I did. That's why I say hold on. Let the dark wind pass and just try to survive through it. Once it has passed, things might get better for you instantly, or slowly. But they will get better. It will get better because you will find NEW meaning in life. Whether it be through religion and God, new career aspirations, new family aspirations (like maybe starting a family) or wanting to completely change your life and move to an entirely different city or even country - or something else that you will be important to you. You might not be able to see it now, but once the dark wind passes, I PROMISE you that you will find something that makes life worth living for. Another bit of advice that I found helpful was just trying to laugh. Binge watch your favourite comedy show - whether it be The Office, Friends, Big Bang Theory or even Tom & Jerry. I found the little bits of humour through binge watching Netflix super helpful in my recovery because although at the time I thought I had no friends to confide with in real life, I managed to find a lot of comfort from being able to laugh with characters from my favourite shows.

Holding on for some time will be well worth it my friend. I am assuming the reason for this post was partly to share your feelings and get some advice - and I want to say how incredibly strong you are for doing so. You may not realise it but you are super strong for doing this as it is not easy and I imagine you are an amazing human being and very competent. Viktor Frankl's experience (during WW2) was very eye opening and that was where I got this advice from, I would recommend his book if you are interested and its quite short. In short his point was: The people who managed to survive after losing everything were the ones who had managed to retain hope. I hope that you too can have some hope and hopefully you decide to stay with us.

My inbox will be open 24/7 for you if you want to have a chat, play some games or do anything else that might help.

I wish you all the best and I pray that you are able to stay strong!