Contemplating Suicide

My man. We have all been there. Please don't do this. 

You are worth so much more than your job. These cultures are toxic and unbearable. If I were you, I'd take a moment to look at your accomplishments and how you got to where you are today. I would encourage you to leave this job. It sounds terrible. 

Please talk to someone. You can call the hotline at (800)273-8255. If you don't feel like talking, you can also chat with them online. Feel free to PM.

There’s a lot more bro. Let this pass, let the job and let work pass. Quit if you need to and take some time to just think.

If you really need to talk to someone, please call

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.

1-800-273-8255

I'm not sure I've been close to contemplating suicide, at least seriously (making plans etc.), but I've been in some relatively dark places. 

I've felt good lots of days. Trouble is, on the bad days, that is hard to remember. At those times, for some reason, I feel like I've always been in darkness, and always will be. Why is it so hard to remember? Why Do I have to keep slipping back down? Why can't I stay up here in the sunlight, where everyone else lived?

Focusing on those good days, and training myself to realize that they will come is what has kept me going.

Hey, Ive been there in the past. I’ve had a rough life and it’s been very dark at times- digging quarters out of my couch when I lived in poverty

and being found passed out on the floor by my friends.

I am so happy everyone told me to keep fighting and I saw it through. My life is way better several years later. It is not worth it and it will pass. If you need to talk, message me. I’ll even give you a call if you’d like, but you should talk to a professional.

Gave you a silver banana....hang in there man.  There is more silver bananas ahead than monkey shit.  You just gotta make it through this rough patch.

Lib, there is so much more to life than your job, the projects you are working on, and where you are today professionally or personally. Have had several friends who didn't progress on either front as quickly as they had hoped (me included), but your mental and emotional health are the most important.

You are worth more than any project or "pls fix" will ever be. If the culture is toxic, you should seriously consider bringing it to HR's attention and documenting your conversations/emails/texts. Separately, you need to begin looking for another role elsewhere, where the culture and demands are more reasonable.

TLDR; Your self-worth is more than your net worth and it always will be. True happiness is having the time to enjoy the things and people who you care about most. Please do reconsider and happy to chat further if you need someone. Feel free to DM.

Hey buddy, take a step back just to put everything into perspective. If it's the job then maybe you should take some time off to relax and recoup. If they don't understand then fuck them, maybe a different team or even a different industry would be a nice breath of fresh air. Please do seek help, having a listening ear really can alleviate a lot of what you're feeling. Keep your head up, you've got this dude.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

It may not feel like it right now, but promise you shit will get better.

As mentioned, don't take a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

If you're upset about your job, falling short at one's job happens ALL THE TIME. Even to people who become wildly successful. There's no shame in getting fired. It'll sting for a few days, then the sadness/disappointment will slowly fade... and you'll figure out what you're more excited about doing, and then you should pursue that. When you're at your job, because the bulk of your time revolves around it, we sometimes think our world does... but once you stop working at the job, you'll realize that it was really just a small part of your life and that it was silly to let one job/industry control your happiness.

The job doesn't define you. And if you suffer a setback, we all do. Allow yourself to be sad about it for a few days, then get excited/optimistic about what else you'd like to do -- whether it's in the same industry, or a different one.  

And remember, the bulk of suicide survivors say that the first thing that went through their head when they commenced the act was how much they immediately regretted doing so... 

More than happy to give you a call if needed. I also struggle a lot with my demons and like others mentioned the darker days seem to make me forget the good days, but things do and will get better if you don’t give up on improving your situation. Hang in there, it is an evil sickness that we as humans have and it has cost me a lot of years of my life for refusing to take control of my own happiness. You will get better op. Life is beautiful at times, let’s try focusing on the good days that we have had and the more that will come while living!

Suicide is never the answer. Your life is worth so much more than you could ever imagine. If us monkeys care this much about you imagine how much other people in your life would be effected if anything happened to you. When interviewing people who jumped off the golden gate bridge and survived everyone said as soon as they jumped they regretted it. We are all here for you, please reach and PM me. 

You are worth more than your job.

You are more than your title.

You deserve better than the treatment you get as a junior.

This does not define you or your 'success' as a person. 

Please don't do this. It's not worth it. It may not seem like it right now but I promise there are people out there who would miss you dearly and would jump at the chance to provide you with whatever support you might need to get through this time. You are not alone.

hey man - echo what everyone else has said already. the situation is temporary and i promise you a few years down the line you’ll look back on this struggle and feel stronger for getting through it. if you need to talk to someone in the industry that gets it definitely PM me.

Find someone to talk to, please. If there is no one you are comfortable talking with, please call the hotline, or DM me and I am happy to talk.

All love bro

As someone who struggled with severe anxiety/depression in high school and contemplated suicide, I truly feel for where you are today and how you are feeling.  I felt like a complete failure for several years as I dropped out of high school and was a recluse for several years. 

Please call the hotline suggested above or, if in any way helpful, feel free to PM and I'm happy to get on a call at any time.  

I don’t have anything to add that hasn’t been said, but here’s one more monkey that wants you to keep fighting.

No matter what circumstances or obstacles you’re going through now, at the end of the day nothing is worth giving your life up for. You’re clearly extremely successful to be put in a position with a lot of responsibility and as such your skillset is likely high valuable to whatever you want to do next. Sometimes you’re going to feel like the world is against you and everything is going wrong, we’ve all been there, but what I can say there is a light at the end of the tunnel and everything will be okay. One day you’ll look back at the hardships now and see how it made you a much stronger individual. I believe in you.

No job, project, or industry is worth so much. It is obviously a weird time right now with Covid, but there is plenty to look forward to even if it is not immediate or obvious - the unknown is part of the beauty of life! Maybe it is time for an industry switch or some time off, but you are important and valued, even to all of us on WSO. 

Your life is so much more than this setback. It is only work, and looking back at this in the future you will not feel this strongly about it.

There is meaning and beauty in life, and you and your life have a meaning too. You have been created by a loving God. Enjoy all that life has to offer, enjoy the depth, joy and beauty in what is around you. Enjoy the relationships you have, nature, community, and church. You can find comfort and restoration in all that, as well as happiness and purpose. There is so much more than your current job out there!

It will take some time to get back to 100%. I have seen it with myself and close personal friends, you may be at a low right now but it will get better. I wish there was something I could say/do here and now to get you feeling back to yourself but it is a journey. Take small steps today to do something that gives you some happiness. Order some food you like, or watch some TV shows/YouTube videos that make you smile, or reach out to someone just to chat. If a friend in need reached out to you, wouldn’t you do your best to help them if you could? Your friends and (hopefully) family are just like that too. Aside from the short term, start thinking about medium term changes like seeking therapy or reconsidering your career, but that doesn’t have to happen this day or this week! It’s a long process, but keep your chin up and focus on brighter days. We’ve all been in real slumps, but with a bit of help and courage you can get through anything. My DM is always open if you want to chat :)

Hey man, I’m about to get my kids to bed soon but I want to take a pause here and tell you please do not harm yourself!  You can see how many folks in this community alone care enough about your well being.

Please recognize that the voice in your head and in all of our heads is an asshole and pushes us around with a lot of self doubt, negativity  and usually an unhealthy comparison mindset. We are constantly beating ourselves up and need to practice some self compassion. We need to tame the asshole voice in our heads - there is a book about this called “10% happier” it’s a very good read about a newscaster who fell off the deep end and had a total meltdown on live tv and how he turned himself around. 

Imagine if a friend or anyone came to you with this problem, how you would likely speak with them about it. I bet you’d be a lot less critical of them than you are of yourself and would recognize what they have going for them.  

Please take some time to try and clear your head and possibly meditate.  Please visit the UCLA center for mindfulness for some quick exercises that can help you relax and gain some perspective. 

https://www.uclahealth.org/marc/default.cfm

Talk to someone, talk to a professional, text a friend or shoot a note to someone you care about. Just take a walk for starters. Man shit - sometimes what helped me thru is listening to Jazz or the blues. The blues is therapy for suffering. Anyway man, much love.  Please let us know if there is more we can do for you. 

Keep your chin up man. We’re all in this together. Maybe try taking just one step at a time, starting with talking to someone. Change seems overwhelming when you try to do it all at once. One new habit that makes you feel in control can spillover and create gradual progress in other areas. You will make it through this, and things will get better. I believe in you.

Bro do you really want your parents reading an obituary saying that you killed yourself over...banking?

Quit your job as soon as you can. You will feel happier.

Please don’t hurt yourself, it isn’t worth it. All this will pass you just have to keep going. It might be difficult but think about all the good you do have in your life. And think about the people that love you, even if it’s just one person. If you do hurt yourself think about how much you’d hurt that person. Your life is your own but a piece of it also belongs to the people who love you because you aren’t going to be the one to miss it when you’re gone.

I don’t know what i could add but do not hesitate to PM me.

Suicide is never the solution, your life is too precious compared to a career or a project.

good for you for reaching out to someone, even WSO. That's a big step and most people aren't that brave. as many have said a job isn't worth it and should never be your source of happiness. Now I don't know if you want someone giving you advice or just someone to listen to you to but I think you can get anything from anyone of the commenters here by PMing them (including myself ofcourse). believe me you arent alone in feeling this way, and its much more common than you think. I guess nobody really lives anymore.

Not trying to tell you what you should do or shouldn't do, but one thing I did once that got me out of my lowest point mentally was being spontaneous and disregarding logic. I went skinny dipping in a muddy bay near a major international airport that smelled like jetfuel in the middle of a thunderstorm. Just randomly pulled over got out and swam like a fucking psycho. I dont know why I did it, and its not like its an admirable story in any way.  But I guess by going against logic and felt free from judgement and it felt okay to be stupid and less than. I felt more alive in that dumb moment than ever and I still look back fondly on it. Again, no need to take my advice man but if you have a chance to live stupid and free and do something that makes 0 sense do it bro

 

Congratulations for reaching out - even if on an anonymous forum it is definitely the right move and not everyone gets this far. Many of us went through dark times before, the people who are berating you felt like abject failures plenty of times before (and will many more in the future). You are not alone. If you read the life stories of the most 'successful' people at the eyes of society - be it Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, Michael Jordan, etc - you will find a ton of setbacks and moments they seemed and felt like total failures. It is good that you are not mulling this in your head by yourself and at least are posting it here. Feel free to PM me if you feel like going over it more with someone anonymous would be helpful. One day in the future you'll look back over what's going on right now and it will seem so small, it may even turn into content for great jokes / anecdotes you'll be laughing about. 

.

Hang in there homie, better days are ahead

Hey man, I know you probably don’t want to hear this right now but trust me it gets better. Two years ago I was in the same mindset and attempted to go through with it. This month I secured a SA offer at an EB I thought I stood no chance with. The feeling won’t just go away, but you’ll start to realize you’re so valuable to the world as an individual, fuck a job title. You belong, you matter, and you have such a fulfilling life ahead of you. I’m sure work sucks right now and I don’t know your background, but when you get a chance, take a moment to take your foot off the gas and look at how far you’ve come already. You’re in this position for a reason, you’re built for this shit bro. Love you man

bro, if you got into banking, you can easily get a cushy 40h/week job and make $100k+ and have an awesome life with everything you want (dating, gaming, music, weed, traveling, etc.). just relax, quit your job, find one with good WLB and enjoy life.

Suicide is permanent, but what you are feeling right now isn't. Don't do this. Think about all the great memories you still have to create and think about your future family. I read that each suicide affects 135 people on average. DONT. DO. THIS.

As everyone has said, please don't do this. As the guy above says, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Trust me I've been pretty low before, and felt like things weren't going to get any better. But they always do. So if you keep taking one day at a time and battling it out, after a number of days eventually things will start to look better - I promise you that. Nothing is forever, and that includes hard times/feeling down.

Also please think of the impact it would have on your family and friends, I'm sure you bring them so much joy which will be forever extinguished if you do this. Watch "It's a Wonderful Life" to see what I mean (great classic film).

Please OP, stay with us for a while longer - as someone who has felt very low at certain points, I promise you it won't last forever - things will certainly get better over time. Just take one day at a time.

You are worth so much more than your job my man. Please quit and take time for yourself. There’s so much more to life :) it’s worth living

Please don't. It will up-end the lives of everyone around you and it just is NOT something you need to do. Get out of banking and find what makes you happy. I'm sure that sounds daunting but I promise you it is possible and totally worth it. Do what feels good and puts a smile on your face. You don't owe anyone anything and don't need to prove yourself to anyone if that's what's keeping you in the industry. We love you mucho. PM me whenever I'd be happy to hop on the phone. I've been in some absolute garbage mental states myself but trust me, "this too shall pass." Sounds like bullshit but it really really really is true. There's always light at the end of the tunnel, I don't care what anyone else says. Just push through to the end of that tunnel. 

Side note: Fuck yes WSO. Incredible to see the monkeys coming together.

Hey man,

Please, for all that you are worth, do not do this to yourself. I know it's been repeated by all the monkeys, but this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know it's hard now, and there are times in my life where I have felt the same way, but I want you to know that you are worth much more than any title, any net worth, or anything else. You are truly loved by your family, your friends, and supported by us monkeys in every way that we can help you. The life that you will live is much more important than the money you have or the titles you've been given; what matters is you, and this depends on your safety. Please, don't hesitate to reach out to a family member, a close friend, or the hotline listed above. You can escape banking, you can escape your problems, but you cannot escape death.

Once again, the hotline number is (800)-273-8255. God bless you, and may God save you from what you're going through.

you probably have more friends than you realize. you definitely have people to confide in. 

and work is just work. if this job doesn't work out, you find another one.

feel free to pm if you want to talk!

P.S. I've had dark moments too. I think things like sleep quality and food had a HUGE impact on my mood. 

To remedy the issue of sleep quality, I found consistent bed times, less alcohol and meditation to REALLY help. 

For food.. I cut down carbs/refined sugars. I probably sound like a hippy vegan type person, but it's been well documented that gut bacteria have a big impact on your mood, and sugar is one culprit. 

My friend ..

CALL NOW.  RIGHT NOW.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.

1-800-273-8255

If you need encouragement, or someone to talk to AFTER calling the above number. Call me.  I will listen.

DO NOT LET YOUR JOB CAUSE YOU TO TAKE YOUR LIFE.

Checked OP's profile and no activity since he made the OP... OP please tell us you're still alive. We're all here for you. 

Friend there is so much more to life than this job. Please just quit. Like this job isn't worth it and if this is what it's doing to you, you need to walk away. There is NO SHAME in doing so. Walk right the fuck out and spike your work phone off the pavement. That thing doesn't control you. Neither does your job. You control you. You are so much more important to the world, and so much greater than just an analyst at a bank. Please try to seek help if you need to. Thank you for having the strength to post on here.

For the original poster and anyone else who comes across this thread in the future:

Crisis Lines

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. You can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or chat.

Crisis Text Line
Text Line is free, 24/7 support for those in crisis. Text 741741 from anywhere in the U.S. to text with a trained Crisis Counselor. Crisis Text Line trains volunteers to support people in crisis. With over 79 million messages processed to date, they are growing quickly, but so is the need.

Trevor Lifeline 
The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQ) young people under 25. The TrevorLifeline is a crisis intervention and suicide prevention phone service available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386. TrevorText is available by texting “START” to 678678.

TrevorSpace is an online international peer-to-peer community for LGBTQ young people and their friends.

Trans Lifeline
Trans Lifeline is a national trans-led 501(c)(3) organization dedicated to improving the quality of trans lives by responding to the critical needs of our community with direct service, material support, advocacy, and education. Fighting the epidemic of trans suicide and improving overall life-outcomes of trans people the Trans Lifeline facilitates justice-oriented, collective community aid. Their peer support hotline is run by and for trans people. The line is available daily from 7 a.m.–1 a.m. PST / 9 a.m.–3 a.m. CST / 10 a.m.–4 a.m. EST. Volunteers may be available during off hours. Call 877-565-8860 to speak to someone now.

Veterans Crisis Line
The Veterans Crisis Line is a free, confidential resource that’s available to anyone, even if you’re not registered with VA or enrolled in VA health care. The caring, qualified responders at the Veterans Crisis Line are specially trained and experienced in helping veterans of all ages and circumstances; many of the responders are veterans themselves. If you’re a veteran in crisis or concerned about one, there are caring, qualified VA responders standing by to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call 1-800-273-8255 and press 1 or text 838255.

For more resources: https://www.samhsa.gov/childrens-awareness-day/event/resources-suicide-prevention

For international suicide crisis lines: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

All of you are valuable and worthwhile, please look at these resources if you are struggling or know someone who is struggling. To everyone else, knowing about these resources is so important in our industry given the toxic culture at many companies. If our employers won't look out for our mental health, then we as a community need to help each other out.

Hey, please don’t end your life. You only live once and there is so much more out there for you. Take a step outside and realize just how big our world is—it is so much more than just finance or investment banking.

I would suggest you take some time off or simply leave. Don’t think about anything else but your own happiness. Take a trip and drive somewhere far—get as far away from anything work related. No one will blame you, and if they do then fuck them.

Thats a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Every morning the sun comes up. It will tomorrow. It always does. It always will. The night is dark. Dont give into the night. Call someone now. ANYONE

THIS TOO SHALL PASS
 

Remember that one time in high school where you thought your life was over?  You’re still here.  Remember in college when you didn’t get a good grade and your heart suddenly pounded as you contemplated your future slipping away?  You’re still here.  Now you think the boss is going to can you....guess what, in a week, a month, a year, it won’t matter.

And who the fuck even said this was over?  You don’t quit, you keep going until it’s done or someone tells you to stop.  That you’re even in this space to begin with makes you a huge winner.  Google global employment and income stats....guess what, you win.  99.999% of humans will never have the opportunities you do even if you are fired.  And if you are, you’ll find another job.  Take a couple weeks/months off to recover, refresh, refocus, and then you’ll move on and keep kicking ass.

I work with numerous people who’d been laid off or whatever in the past and they’re doing just fine.  Life happens, everyone gets knocked on their butt at some point, you are no exception.  It will make you stronger, it will open your eyes, it will push you into the unknown, and you will be better off for it.

Remember that saying to live every day like it were your last....NEVER DO THAT.  Life is long.  Reallllly long.  You’re just getting started.  Remember that.

An ex investment banker is one of the most employable people on earth.  Especially someone in your position.  

Wait until next month.

This sounds like a cruel joke, but I mean it in a very serious way.

If you intend to end your life...wait until later.

You can afford to delay.

Who knows, perhaps things will get better.

To understand thoughts you have to attain quiteness. I would suggest you to go to the Himalays and meditate with the sages and then be the master of your mind.

Hey man. Look at the crowd of monkey's rallying behind you. Making irreversible decisions, rashly, is not the way. Talk to us, talk to someone, invite that hot mamasita eyeing you from across the bar to your table, be bold, don't second guess yourself. My friend. Life is a gift far too precious. Fight for it.    

Hey man, just an anon here but no matter what people think of you, all lives are precious and worth living. Right now might seem very tough, but the fact that you are IB makes you more resilient and stronger than an average person. Believe in yourself that you can get through this.

"the darkest hour is just before dawn" - You are almost there buddy. Just hold on tight even if it is painful; the sun is almost up and it will get warmer. I promise.

I can only echo what everyone above as said that this is just temporary and that you are loved. It is horrible to go through the low points in life and with that the good times are on the horizon and to take it day by day focusing on the good now matter how small.

I don’t know if you are religious but God has a plan for each and everyone of us. I had a good friend that was killed when I was in high school, the pastor at his funeral said something that has stuck with me through all of the dark places I have gone through.

“When God hides his purpose, pray on his promises”

You are fighting through the dark times and just know that God has promised great times that will come.

Please call someone, feel free to PM I would love to talk. Major props to you for speaking out and know that we all want you in this world.

Please don't do it, man. I dont know what you're feeling, but I've been in my own dark place too. Everyone on here has or knows someone who has been to their own dark places and want to reach out. Find that one thing that's keeping you going, whether its your parents or siblings or friends. Quit your job and realize you can rebuild from there. Its not all gone. 

This podcast about a year ago gave me a completely different perspective on life and honestly hope for the future 

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5xBe3m89qzVzpaqsUR4W5Q?si=mM8NamKCQGq1…;

Hey there..... I was in this place last May. Unfortunately, The National Suicide Hotline was a joke and actually made it worse. The person on the phone made me feel like I was interrupting his day and just threw some phone numbers at me.

To my surprise, I actually called these numbers. Either I never got a call back, or it took weeks to get a call back. How horrible for someone who is already feeling invisible.

The system is broken. Free help has boxes to check and professionals don’t fit the mold. Regardless is we are currently broke or not.

My life changed when I got a good therapist and medication. I was against both for a long time. I never believed I could be happy or confident. It only took a short time to feel a lot better. Now, almost a year later I can say I’m truly happy and confident.

A lot of people will try to help, and sadly say all the wrong things. There is a lot of it in this thread. However, they truly are trying to help, and they truly care, even if their replies seem dismissive. Unless you have been truly suicidal, you will not understand how truly unhelpful cliché responses can be.

I noticed you have not responded on the thread yet. I hope you are reading. These people all truly care, as do I. I am living proof that it can get better. I was in a hospital bed clinging to life 11 months ago. I understand how you feel and I’m asking you to trust me, albeit a complete stranger. I promise you that you can power through this.

Hey my friend!

Please don’t! Let my explain it to you: My dad killed himself. What he did was not only taking his own life, but also destroying the ones of his family and friends. It’s a deep scar that will never disappear in our all lives.

When you think about it, always remember: Don’t do it, because it’s a quick end for you and the beginning of a horrible time for everyone else, which they always have to live with from there on!