Cover Letters - Broad range of opinions

IMO, you need to get to the point more quickly. When reading it, the interviewer wants to know why you want this job and why he/she should hire you. There's a lot about your life story for the first two parts, and it's not until the last paragraph that you talk about banking (you should call it investment banking, btw). Also, the listed qualities 1-3 are all about drive - may want to talk about something else as well since it is kind of redundant.

Similarly, your last section as a whole is not action-oriented. You say "I've learned a,b,c,x,y,z" but you haven't done anything with it (or at least you haven't talked about it at all - i.e. what did you do with excel, vba, vb; or what/who did you build models for). Also, did you learn modeling from individuals who have experience at HLHZ and Wasserstein, or did you learn modeling through internships where you learned from people at HLHZ and Wasserstein? If it's the former, don't put the names of the companies, whereas if it's the latter, say you interned. Btw, by saying you know all this modeling, you better actually know them like the back of your hand or you'll get torn a new asshole.

My review is in no way meant to bash you or your cover letter - just something to consider coming from someone who has experience on both sides and has no reason to be overly gentle.

I'm going to preface my comment by saying that I am an undergrad, so take this however you want...

As Mr. White said, I would be more concise throughout. It's a little wordy, and doesn't really get to the point. Next, I would make sure to mention something about the specific bank to which you're applying. Why are you applying to X bank? What sets it apart? Finally, sell yourself a little more. Maybe something like "In terms of what I can offer X Bank..." and then go into your attributes.

As an aside, most of the people on this site that are already working in the industry have mentioned that they don't really pay much attention to cover letters. Just don't screw it up by writing the wrong bank or something, and make sure your resume is killer.

I am an undergrad as well, so keep that in mind while reading my advice. I have secured a SA position though, so I know how it feels to go through the process of getting your resume looked at, etc.

I would formost change your opening. "I am 23 years old." Congratulations, lets move on. (That wasn't meant to be harsh - just to show you how its read) - you can start simply with In the last 23 years, I have spent... blah blah blah. However, my advice would be to move the personal stuff to the end. I think its good to include sports, etc, because they set you apart, but I don't think opening this way is the best way. Your cover letter says look, I'm an athlete, I've run a business, and I've taught myself things - hire me! You want it to say, I am confident in __ abilities, I hvae these valuable skills, AND I'm personable while being hard working - hire me!

Lastly, you list a lot of programs that you are advanced in. Be VERY careful with this. It falls under the same category as listing "Advanced Skills" on a resume. As an example, if you mention Bloomberg in your letter, what if you're interviewing with someone who looks at Bloomberg everyday. Let's say they ask you a really simple question like, what key is the Equities key. If you can't get that, then it probably doesn't belong on your cover letter or resume. Just be really careful with all that. If you're advanced in Excel, I'd assume you can write a simple macro, etc. If you can't, don't list it, most people have exposure to programs but you just don't want to set yourself up for easy shots. If you are really good at all of them, then leave it, and you'll knock out any questions they ask!

All in all, good luck!!

Analysts review your resume. None of us have time to read cover letters, we almost always ignore them.

If you do want to include one for whatever reason, keep it very short and to the point. I would make it even shorter than what you have.

Does it hurt if someone does not include a cover letter? Some applications list it as optional after all.

People rarely rarely read them... we just don't have time with so many resumes.

Anyone know if this would actually be counted against you if you didn't include it? I really doubt it...

I interviewed with and received offers at various banks, without ever having to write a single cover letter. If the application requires the cover letter then write it, but other than a couple paragraph introduction in an email with the attached resume can be just as effective. My thought was that if they were so painful to write, then there's no way anybody ever actually read them. As dosk17 said, almost everyone ignores them anyways.

cover letters arent that important but be sure grammar and spelling are correct. I knew several qualified individuals who did not get interviews and upon reviewing their cover letter, they discovered they either spelled a name of a person or the bank wrong or they had glaring grammatical error.

I don't think the "respectively" belongs in there, as there is no "order as given". If you were saying, for example, "I learned M&A and LBO modeling from .... at X and Y, respectively," then it would be necessary.

I have learned financial modeling (M&A, LBO, pro-forma financial statement modeling) from individuals with experience in banking at Houlihan Lokey and Wasserstein Perella, respectively.

Never mention age, sex, race religion,sexual preference,etc. in a cover letter.

It is only not neccesary, but it shows a blatant disregard to legal and ethical questioning that is considered permissable.

The UK has the anti-age discrimination act regarding the grad scheme, but I personally would not mention my age in a cover letter.

Good luck with the interviews.