Finding meaning in life
How have you found meaning in life? What makes you happy? How do you get past the dread of just working all day every with no end in sight?
I’ve recently been thinking a lot about happiness and the meaning in life. Had a tough breakup, just finished my first year of work so there have been a lot of (negative) changes in the office recently, and am generally finding myself dissatisfied/feeling like life has no meaning or purpose. It feels like work is just endless and moments of happiness are few and far between.
This past year I would look forward to vacations, but those pass and then you’re just back at the grind. I looked forward to my bonus, which ended up being disappointing. I look forward to the weekends and seeing friends and going out, but that’s just 1 (maybe 2) days out of the week where I have time to do what I want. I have another job to look forward to after banking, but have been thinking a lot recently that I may end up being just as unhappy. I’m not sure what to look forward to/what my goal in life is anymore.
Just wanted to hear other’s experiences about what purpose they have found in life and what keeps them going on a day-to-day basis.
I feel this. I'm also an AN2 in IB, and I feel like it's all so pointless on an almost daily basis. Growing up, going through school, college, etc. everything seemed so much more defined - there was a 'right' path to take, a clear next step, everything was a means to an end. Now that I'm a year out of college it feels like the time is flying by and every day is the same with no end in sight. During the week I just work and go to the gym. On the weekends I go out, get drunk, whatever, and then I start the whole week over again. Am I enjoying life overall? Yes, but it definitely doesn't feel like there is a purpose.
Ecclesiastes
First and foremost, Im sorry about the breakup. Breakups are much harder than most seem to realize, especially when its with someone who has been a large part of your life for an extended period of time. I hope you are able to find peace and reflect on what didnt work in the relationship. I find that break ups are rarely one sided, but what is more important is assessing what boxes your SO did or didnt check and where the disconnects occurred.
I want to start by calling out that while I never did IB full time, I did work countless internships in IBD and had one in particular that lasted eight months. I was working FT while taking a full course load and then did the internship through the summer "off" as well. I will tell you outright that the reason I opted not to pursue IBD FT was partially because I had the Sunday Scaries so bad each week that after 4+ months I started to dread every single week. Yes I was an intern, but due to my extended stay at the bank I was constantly stretched thin on multiple live deals and worked in a very high stress role. With my average departure being 10-11 PM each night I knew that I would not be able to find happiness or meaning in the role. I really liked M&A, the company analysis, and the model building, and I found a role that allowed me to build out a comparable skillset without requiring 70-80 hours per week. This gave me the time to determine how I would build a fulfilling life.
Once I was working an average of 50 hours per week, it was much easier. I found myself positioned to work on myself, and to regularly ask myself why I wasnt happy. This took a lot of reflection. I started by exercising almost every day, journaling multiple times a week, and trying to meditate when possible. This not only helped me find inner peace and become more satisfied with who I was as a person, but forced me to reflect on how I could obtain happiness.
I found that for me personally, I needed things to look forward to every day. Just as I invested a large portion of my time in my work, I also needed to invest time solely into myself. It was a multi-step process, but I did so through the steps below:
1. I did so through rebuilding friendships, and teasing out which friendships mattered most. I went the extra mile for those friends, doing everything for scheduling golf outings and paying for everyone's round, to taking one of my friends on a vacation across the country when he didnt have the funds to do so.
2. I was tired of being insecure. My whole life I was insecure, and I barely had the strength to admit it to myself. I was socially insecure despite being surrounded by friends, and insecure with women in general. I started to change this through working out. I pushed myself harder than I ever thought possible, and gained a ton of muscle until I was satisfied with the way I looked. This not only helped my confidence tremendously, but it gave me a new life long passion. I got extremely serious about working out, and even years later, realize a ton of satisfaction through breaking goals and old personal bests.
3. I wanted to feel smarter. Despite landing a job in IBD, getting good grades, I still felt dumb. I worked with so many people who I felt were smarter than me, and I was tired of it. I began to spend a lot of time reading and learning. From random educational Youtube videos to GMAT studying to learning python, I was determined to grow as an individual.
4. I was hard on myself. I was sick of parting every weekend, and smoking weed every night. I cut both of these out entirely for an extended period of time, and to this day, I moderate both heavily. I held myself to higher standards, and expected more of myself.
5. I stopped superfluous spending. I hated wasting money, but I did so all the time. Drinks at bars, overpriced meals, all of it. I started saving all of my money to pay down student loans, to save for things that mattered to me, such as exciting vacations across the US.
6. I started seriously tracking my goals. I wanted a GF, to hit certain workout goals, to allocate a certain amount of time toward growing my personal skillsets. I am happy to say, years later, I have accomplished most of those goals, and have replaced them with an entirely new set. Goals keep me motivated and help me derive meaning in my own life.
Look, none of the above sounds sexy, fun, or exciting, but it has helped me go from extremely unhappy to some level of content. it took an insane amount of work, and I often felt alone, as none of my friends pursued similar paths. They were too caught up in partying, blowing their bonuses on clubs and girls, and other stuff that I thought was unnecessary.
Lastly, I began to accept myself for who I was. This is maybe the most important thing. I stopped faking interests in things I couldn't care less about, such as sports. I stopped chasing the best social opportunities and solidified friendships with people who may have been less popular, but who I valued more. In essence, I stopped caring about what others thought of me. This random journey I embarked on around age 22 was one of the best things I have done in life, and one of the biggest challenges I have overcome. What keeps me motivated now is my new set of goals, my new set of expectations for myself. It all started with taking a hard look in the mirror and trying to honestly answer why I wasn't happy, or living a life fulfilled.