How are there so many terrible MDs who somehow survive for 4+ years doing basically nothing?
I've been at a couple of places and multiple groups at this point and there are always a few MDs who seem like they haven't closed a deal since 2019 who somehow still haven't gotten fired. How does this happen? Seems like you get pushed out WAYYY faster as an underperformer at any other title but these do-nothing MDs can expense flights and dinners for literal years. I assume they're bullshitting their account planning trackers like crazy ("really think we'll get this one, really think this zero chance opportunity will go somewhere" etc.) but I don't know how you can get away with that for so long
I've seen this at both a bulge and a boutique. Bulges and other balance sheet type banks I can kind of get it, jamming through waste of time touchpoint pitches maintains the relationship and they will toss you your wallet in passive roles on bond deals or whatever. Boutiques it makes no sense at all. If they aren't giving you the M&A they aren't giving you any money.
Because they take credit from your job
this made me chuckle becuase Im one of those md's at a bb in a t1 city not NYC and there's a couple things.
-how do you end up like this: I started as a mid-analyst at my current bb and I got a couple mm pe offers but decided to stay in banking because I didnt really feel like it at the time. In general, I'm quite lazy and have been so since high school. Cheated on the SAT, cheated in every class, lied on my college app. Aso and vp years I started stepping away for actual work and started ''managing'' and since then ive been ''managing''.
-how to not get fired: get people to like/respect you. I had a construction job all throughout college(I grew up in a trailer park) and I remember my boss at the time loved that and we built a good relationship(I was basically just sucking his dick on a fast track to vp.). I sucked a lot of dick early years now I have guys at senior level at pretty much every bank in the city.
-why I can't get deals: cause I ain't shit. I have nothing going on. I come to office ''manage'' some. Sit around and then go back home telling my wife and girlfriends about how hard it was.
-will I leave: no. I get paid 1.5-2.5m in mcol to do nothing and go back to a 5m home in a rolls to a model. It really is the high life.
-future plan: if I ever get fired I'll just go down to another bank and do the same even though I doubt I'll get fired anytime soon.
-advice: suck the right dicks and make the right people see you like a little brother and you'll get far. I would treat my bosses like my dad when I was younger and I would recommend the same. -it’s so sweet when you went from nothing worrying about food and embarrassed in free lunch lines to this watching your family not have to work a day in their lives.
Rather comic
I’ll go make another account and set the title to an MD and go share my wisdom as well
Eh. Maybe
I want to believe.
Taking any applicants for dick suckers?
Nice try intern
Any advice on how to suck dick?
You must work at Greenhill
bump
I think it makes way more sense to not fire MDs at a BB. Not sure about boutiques, but at my BB MDs have gotten away with this for a few reasons:
- Perpetually Bullshitting their M&A pipeline. It takes a long time for operations to figure anything out at these large BBs. If you play well in the sandbox and fluff up your pipeline over and over, people likely won’t catch on
- The Resource need is always there, especially at a balance sheet bank. Lots of “pick up the phone” MDs who make a living scooping up passive bookrunner fees. They’re still a net positive to the firm
- HR views the cost to fire as a hefty one and would rather pay terrible bonuses and wait for attrition ( I do not agree with this strategy)
- People using the down market as an excuse, we’ll see what happens this year as deal activity picks up
These guys do eventually get let go.....however, it's amazing how much longer they can keep the gravy train going. Be an MD who doesn't close anything at a BB for 4 years.....get fired, jump to a MM or LMM because you were a MD at BB....close no deals for 3 or 4 years....get fired....jump to another LMM bank, make excuses how you didn't get support from your past bank but you have a vision for building a team....make it last 3 or 4 years....get fired.....jump to Director or VP or Corp Development. Still have a cushy job although you have zero real deal experience.
Have seen this literally play out a dozen times.....
I’ve seen this too, never knew how these folks slept at night. Suspect with current market conditions a decade+ hideout is in the cards
In my admittedly limited experience, there seems to be a certain level of self-delusion involved.
They’re originating deals… not sitting their feeding you comments all the time. You just think they’re not doing anything because they’re not executing. They actually do better than execution bankers.
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