How hard were your first few months in IB?
Battling imposter syndrome these days.
I keep making stupid mistakes and have started to really disliking myself and doubting whether I belong where I am. I’m a first gen college grad. Deep down I know I am doing my best but I really have been feeling like I don’t deserve my place.
I have realized that some people just don’t belong in IB and that is okay. But how much time should I give myself before I make the decision on whether to stay?
I was in a similar position to you, huge imposter syndrome when I first started out. For me it was the steep learning curve combined with the expectation of excellence that you put on yourself and is also put onto you by your employer. Steep learning curve + steep day 1 expectations are not a good match.
First thing I'd say is that presumably you started in September and so now have 6 months on the job? Whilst 6 months is usually enough to get up the learning curve, WFH changes everything. The ability to constantly ask questions of those around you is paramount to getting up that curve and I cannot imagine my first year without it. All that to say (and this was my big thing as well) is do not be hard on yourself, at all. The constant thoughts of being inferior do real damage that takes a long time to heal (trust me).
This leads into how long I would give it. If you can implement the above and go easy on internal criticism then I'd say give it the end of year 1. I did, moved to PE and it got better. However if its going to be another 6 months of thoughts of inadequacy and incompetence, then I'd start looking elsewhere. I can't stress enough how damaging this kind of thinking can be. Two mantras to leave on that helped my headspace a lot:
1. All of my worst crises have happened in my head - i.e. don't let your mind run wild with things that may happen as a result of your mistakes. It'll make self compassion a lot easier.
2. Comparison is the thief of joy - i.e. don't compare your progress or lack thereof to your colleagues, compare it to you six months ago.
:) thank you for the kind words. This is really helpful. I started in Jan this year so I will give myself a few more months to get better. It has been hard learning things remotely and I need to take a more proactively role in asking questions.
But thank you kind stranger. This is making me feel much better. Will keep grinding and learning and see how everything goes.
The fact you started in January hammers home my point even more, give yourself time and don't be so hard on yourself! The work takes a while to get to grips with and that feeling of frustration, especially if you crushed university, can be demoralising. Give it time and if you do decide to leave don't mark it as a failure, you tried and decided it wasn't right for you, that doesn't make you any less of a person.
As an anecdotal aside, in my first year we had a guy who invited wrong parties to the data room...twice...in the same week. A few weeks down the line HR asked if anyone had any dietary requirements for the upcoming Christmas party, the same guy replied all to the entire office with 'I don't like herbs'. He made it to bonus time, managed to get 50% as it was a good year and left for PE. He's now no.2 at a growing BTR fund.
Another mantra to leave on, this time from Ray Dalio who can get a bit Tony Robbins at times but the man is the master of working with mistakes:
"Do not feel bad about your mistakes or those of others. Love them! Remember that one: they are to be expected; two: they’re the first and most essential part of the learning process; and three: feeling bad about them will prevent you from getting better".
Couldn’t have said it better. Ramping up in the middle of WFH is certainly a tough endeavor. I spent the first two months obsessing over mistakes that were no one’s fault. Quite honestly communication is what got me out of the slump. I started asking more questions, jumping on the team chat/zoom, and asking for more feedback. Up until last month I hadn’t realize how much progress I’ve actually made. Looking back at the quality of my early work and efficiency, I feel like I’ve moved mountains. It’s extremely difficult to get out this mindset and you can only convince yourself that you belong once you see some significant improvement. However, such improvement doesn’t happen overnight. Given the current constraints, leaning on your team is the only way forward.
Keep it going. Track your mistakes and if you ever get a free bit of time work on them. Will help you master your skills and make life less stressful moving forward.
it was very hard, graveyard shifts, long hours any day, unfriendly management team, boss was ok but not supportive at all.
personal life changed also a lot, gf and I split up, new dating scene, new friends, new city.
but it was worth it.
Was it worth? I’m kinda in the same position, or on track to be in the same position
Hang in there, feeling stressed is bad, feeling stressed and incompetent is the worst. You’ll feel like an intern way out of his depth for the first six months at least. For me it was really nine months where I started to feel like I’m still getting slammed but tasks/deadlines don’t feel “ultimate” - because you’ve done/seen them before.
Also COVID has made things 100x less bearable but if you stick it out I think you’ll come out the other side a very resilient, capable professional. GL.
Hi everyone just wanted to say thank you so much for the kind words. I will keep grinding and learning. I definitely feel much better after learning from your perspectives. It seems silly to thank everyone individually so I’m making a post here. :)
Don’t worry about it and don’t be hard on yourself. 6 months in I was also really anxious and concerned that I was falling behind my peers, but ended up being top bucket. Just keep pushing forward and put in your best effort—the rest will follow. At the 6 month mark I felt like I hadn’t learned a single thing but at the 12 month mark I was in awe at how much I had picked up. Now that you’ve built some rapport with your team, try to get a few tough staffings (the ones that blow up your entire weekend or holiday). Unfortunately the hardest / worst staffings provide the greatest learning opportunities and if they’re blowing up your holiday, they are most likely important. Finally, write your mistakes down and start to formulate a checklist that you can go through every time before sending materials out.
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