How the fuck should I pitch myself?

Hey guys,
I’ve read old threads, but can never find a cold call pitch I'm comfortable with (mainly for small boutique off-cycle hires- no chance at MM or BB).

I’ve been dying in a crappy mom-and-pop marketing role since graduating in ’09 from a non target, but had good finance internships in Ugrad (including valuation modeling in small PE) and was a finance major.

I just feel like none of the obvious pitches work well:
…Hi, I’m a 2009 alum of Bumfuck school you’ve never, ever heard of”
…Hi, I work in a shatty nonfinancial industry in a nonfinancial role”
…Hi Mr. Banker, though my nontarget and current “job” are pitiful, holistically my resume screams ‘this kid has wanted finance a long time but couldn’t get in out of school’.. just trust me - I’m the SHIT, Mr. banker!”

…wtf should my pitch be? Unease over my pitch bugs me and makes me nervous every time I call, and normally I'm good on the phone.

 

The only way a cold-call or email works is if you have an amazing resume and are an amazing candidate who happened to slip through the cracks. Kind of like a late round draft pick who turns out to be a great prospect in the NFL but went unnoticed in college.

Your best chances are either through a headhunter or b-school in 2-3 years after some solid work experience.

 
junkbondswap:
The only way a cold-call or email works is if you have an amazing resume and are an amazing candidate who happened to slip through the cracks. Kind of like a late round draft pick who turns out to be a great prospect in the NFL but went unnoticed in college.

Your best chances are either through a headhunter or b-school in 2-3 years after some solid work experience.

Thanks, junkbond, that makes sense. But why shouldn't I keep trying small boutiques, though, and how could I approach them? And would an entry-level corp fin job meet the the "solid experience" you're speaking of? 'Cause that's the only thing I can find that I'm qualified for besides entry level IB or ER.

 
Best Response
swagon:
I just feel like none of the obvious pitches work well: …Hi, I’m a 2009 alum of Bumfuck school you’ve never, ever heard of” …Hi, I work in a shatty nonfinancial industry in a nonfinancial role” …Hi Mr. Banker, though my nontarget and current “job” are pitiful, holistically my resume screams ‘this kid has wanted finance a long time but couldn’t get in out of school’.. just trust me - I’m the SHIT, Mr. banker!”

If those are your obvious pitches, no wonder you're not have much luck.

Its a numbers game for you. Its all about hitting up as many people as possible and refining your approach with every failed attempt. Then one day, you'll make that phone call/e-mail... and you'll be like Neo in the first Matrix (obviously the only good one)... you won't even see the world as it is, all you'll see is a bunch of super-sub script footnote figures flying by your face... and you will at last be the chosen one.

Get some fuckin confidence and some diesel fuel pumping through your veins. Read up on everything. Network with anyone who has a pulse and keep pounding the pavement. The trick is to become one of the people who slipped through the cracks. If you can get your shit together, and quite frankly stop being a whiny bitch, you can sell yourself as someone who didn't get into finance because he didn't look good on paper even though he has rock star potential.

Its all about maximizing your numbers... no matter how shitty your hit rate... worse case scenario, even if you're completely worthless, with enough tries, there will be a statistical anomaly where some stupid fuck will give you a chance. Keep pounding the pavement, refine your approach, pitch and execution each time.

 
Marcus_Halberstram:
swagon:
I just feel like none of the obvious pitches work well: …Hi, I’m a 2009 alum of Bumfuck school you’ve never, ever heard of” …Hi, I work in a shatty nonfinancial industry in a nonfinancial role” …Hi Mr. Banker, though my nontarget and current “job” are pitiful, holistically my resume screams ‘this kid has wanted finance a long time but couldn’t get in out of school’.. just trust me - I’m the SHIT, Mr. banker!”

If those are your obvious pitches, no wonder you're not have much luck.

Its a numbers game for you. Its all about hitting up as many people as possible and refining your approach with every failed attempt. Then one day, you'll make that phone call/e-mail... and you'll be like Neo in the first Matrix (obviously the only good one)... you won't even see the world as it is, all you'll see is a bunch of super-sub script footnote figures flying by your face... and you will at last be the chosen one.

Get some fuckin confidence and some diesel fuel pumping through your veins. Read up on everything. Network with anyone who has a pulse and keep pounding the pavement. The trick is to become one of the people who slipped through the cracks. If you can get your shit together, and quite frankly stop being a whiny bitch, you can sell yourself as someone who didn't get into finance because he didn't look good on paper even though he has rock star potential.

Its all about maximizing your numbers... no matter how shitty your hit rate... worse case scenario, even if you're completely worthless, with enough tries, there will be a statistical anomaly where some stupid fuck will give you a chance. Keep pounding the pavement, refine your approach, pitch and execution each time.

Thanks Marcus. This sounds like great advice. I didn't mean to sound like a whiny bitch...just constanly paranoid about my approach, regardless I'll avoid the whine from now on and keep refining my approach

As to the post directly above me: Are you kidding me? Where did you here that stuff? It sounded like a joke and, for the most part, flew in the face of everything I've ever read...and THIRTY SECONDS?

 
junkbondswap:
The only way a cold-call or email works is if you have an amazing resume and are an amazing candidate who happened to slip through the cracks

^^Completely false. Well not completely (I think cold emailing is useless). Cold-calling can work. You should definitely be targeting MDs at boutiques.

Here's your pitch. It should be 30 seconds max. "Mr. _, I know you're busy so I'll be brief. My name is _ and I'm calling you today because I want to work for you. I'm a - insert 4 or 5 personal traits like self-starter, team player, talented, savant, etc. In the past I've worked at "small PE shop" where I developed strong _ skills. More than anything, though, I brought away from this experience the unwavering desire to be a banker. (maybe here insert one good reason why you want to work at this bank or a sentence about how you're made for this business). I'd love to have the opportunity to go into detail about exactly what it is I bring to the table. Can we set up a time to meet?"

If he says no say "Mr. _, I'm positive that I can be a valuable asset to your team. Perhaps there's a convenient time when I could call back to discuss my qualifications with you over the phone?"

If he says no ask to shoot over a copy of your resume - they never say no. Then call back about 3 days later and again ask for an interview. If he says we're not hiring, say "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm always trying to learn more about the business and expand my network so I'd still like to meet with you if possible." If you're getting absolutely nowhere ask if he knows of any colleagues that are in need of man power.

Assuming your degree is as shitty as you make it out to be, I wouldn't even mention it until you're asked. I think they might totally write you off if you mention a school they've never heard of (that is, if it's the first thing out of your mouth). Always be selling yourself. Sound confident and hungry, not desperate.

Fake it till you make it!
 

You could go work for a boiler room . . . my dad had me do a few interviews at chop shops just so I would get comfortable talking to people in an interview. The pitches are pretty funny . . . just like in the movie . . . you will make 25k the first year, but you could make a million your second year. . .

I loved the exercise and I recommended it to anyone who has time to kill. Just apply to the "finance" jobs on monster and the interview offers will come flowing in.

 

Watch "The Pursuit of Hapyness," you've gotta be like that guy with your cold calls.

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." - J. Paul Getty
 

OP, I wasn't joking. I'm just an '09 grad from a non-target with absolutely zero finance experience who just landed a job at an elite boutique, so what would I know? Anyways, you should definitely ignore what I said - you wouldn't be able to pull it off.

Fake it till you make it!
 

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