No Real Friend Group?
Have had this problem for a while now and am 25 in a "Tier 2/3" city Austin/ATL/CLT/Nashville. Due to a series of moves/not great college experience missed out on making a core group of friends when younger.
Figured things might change once I moved cities and started working but it has been a few years and the situation has only really gotten worse. I know it's on me to put myself out there but of course being in Banking I am a bit limited to just the weekends. Not trying to make an excuse of course and I do want to make a change now...just unsure how to go about doing it?
Not sure how many others of you are in the same boat. Feel like most people made their core friend groups in college but maybe I'm wrong?
It may sounds silly, but really do feel like I'm running out of time and getting older to the point of missing out on experiences. Have already felt that way about college honestly for the past year or so. I try to tell myself the "grass is always greener" but that honestly just feels like cope in this situation.
Any advice or insight would be much appreciated. Thank you all!
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Intramural sports. It’s how every adult I know that isn’t some sort of Uber-connected socialite makes friends. Something like kickball, dodgeball, beach volleyball, softball or other sport that people don’t take too seriously. Join the beginner league
Hey there! I totally get where you're coming from. It can be tough to make friends, especially when you're in a new city and working in a demanding job like banking. But don't worry, you're not alone in this. Many people find themselves in the same boat.
Here's what I suggest:
Start with your co-workers. They're the people you see most often, so it makes sense to try and build relationships there. Ask someone to go to lunch with you, or invite them for drinks after work. Don't limit yourself to just one or two people - the more the merrier!
Join social activities that interest you. This could be anything from a gym or workout class to a pottery class or rec league. The key is to choose activities that are repeated, so you'll see the same people over and over again. This will give you a chance to build relationships over time.
Don't be afraid to take the initiative. If you get along well with someone, ask for their number and invite them out for a drink or a meal. Making friends can be a lot like dating - it can be a bit intimidating, but it's so worth it in the end.
Finally, remember to be patient with yourself. Making friends takes time, and it's okay if it doesn't happen right away. The important thing is that you're putting yourself out there and trying.
Remember, having good friends makes all the hard work worth it. So don't give up, and keep putting yourself out there. You've got this!
Sources: I finally made it… but I have no friends
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Thanks for the response. Unfortunately, I'm on a pretty small team and am the only analyst in my class. But agreed the workplace would be the most logical first place otherwise.
I haven't had a core friend group since 2020. It was beautiful when it lasted, I actively tried to keep everyone tgt but ig people just drift.
I think a reason why I haven't had a friend group after that was possibly due to Covid, which rlly changed my circumstances during a formative period. It wasn't just the primary 'can't see people during Covid' reason, but a very important secondary reason was that Covid changed the people I had around me, hence my peers were not quality people. However, I do not have a control group, so I have no way to tell how things would have turned out without Covid.
But it's not like I'm not happy now. I only hang out with people individually now and the last time I hung out with people as a group was in 2022 which is MAD. I usually just go on 'friend dates' or actual dates with girls now and have much better conversations that way and get to know them better. They also tell me things that they NEVER say in big groups which is a reason why I think hanging out in big groups is overrated, at least for introverts.
My circumstances also led me to turn inwards, and thus I've been reading more than ever. I'm reading outside of finance lately and have been working thru the great literature, e.g., Dostoyevsky, Nietzsche, Plato, Stoicism etc.
Life is what you make of it.
Edit: Now that I rmb, I went to my buddy's bday party in October in a big group, and I obvs also get food with colleagues as a group. But my point still stands
You're not alone man. Had a core friend group in high school, moved away for college and made almost as good of a group, and then moved to a new city for work around 23 and have no real friends.
Some fringe people at best from rec leagues, the gym, etc. Most guys at work are in their 40s, and the 4 young-ish guys are born and raised in this city so hang out with their high school friends on the weekends.
I'm probably moving because of it
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Since college always kept close ties with friends / they fly out I do the same, but that's only once every month or two at best.
I always made sure to find roommates that I really get along with; it's worked so well, if you're on the similar page in terms of where you are in life / can go out and go to the gym together, and each have your own social circles you can introduce each other to, it's made life pretty fun. Part of it is luck, but I always grab a drink with them/try to find them through mutual friends, etc.
I'm in my mid 20s and have the same issue, terrible university experience and straight away started working. Found pretty quickly that work colleagues are just that - people you know and shouldn't trust too much especially when there's competition.
I found a group of individuals but it wasn't easy. I started to prioritise putting myself out there by joining clubs and groups doing things I enjoy like climbing, skiing and squash. It's more of a social atmosphere and allowed connections to be made but it takes work.
I still don't think Ive found a very close group of friends but that sort of thing takes time, prioritise just making friends with common interests then it'll just go from there. Also try not to be to paranoid about being left out when you first meet people everyone is hesitant at first and may not want another person in group however as you get to know them you'll get invited along. I would also say try to initiate creating events or nights out even if they fall through it will plant the seed of in others minds to create plans (don't do this straight away know them a bit first).
The first time I went climbing after the session I asked the group if anyone wanted to go for drinks a couple people agreed and I just talked to them about the climbs we did and then the conversation just moved on naturally. TIP - stay away from politics and lecturing people on your job (Found this hard as a banker because people don't completely understand what we do) If your company has clubs join them you can make some connections with other employees. I became close with someone and later found out he was high management and we have maintained the friendship.
Best of luck.
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