Think I’m getting bottom bucket. How long will I last?

Hey everyone,

Long story short I’m a first year analyst that’s very hot and cold on my deals. There’s some I feel great on and some I feel like an idiot/incompetent. I also don’t have great exposure to the MDs on my team and one of them (out of 5-6) genuinely thinks I’m dumb/unserious.

I feel shameful for saying it’s my ADHD causing this but I discontinued my medication after graduating and it’s been very difficult. I hate the way stimulants make me feel and would rather be fired than go back on them. To makeup for it I exercise, get good sleep, vitamins, eat clean, etc.

People on my team like my personality and I’m very sociable but the attention to detail and “little things” kill me. I don’t think I’m trusted and seen as reliable by a good amount of people. I plan on riding out the 2 years with no plans of moving on to associate.

My question is - if I get bottom bucket my 1st year does that mean I’ll get let go my 2nd year even if I keep trying hard like I’m doing? Or does it just mean I likely won’t make associate? If it’s the latter then I have no issues, I don’t enjoy banking too much and don’t see myself here long term anyways, just need the money to payoff debt.

Thanks guys.

8 Comments
 

Go get fired then. You're complaining about being bottom bucket but you put yourself in that position by not taking your medicine. This is as stupid as a diabetic complaining about dying but not taking their medicine. Like ????

 
Most Helpful

As someone with ADHD, and who has made it to associate, I couldn't let the comment slip and totaly sympathise with how the meds make you feel. Do not go back on them if you don't like the way they make you feel. It's not as simple as comparing it to a "diabetic complaining" 

I've seen bottom bucket analysts survive the two years by doing the minimum. It sounds like you are at least trying which should get noticed and VP/EDs know that it takes time for analysts to ramp up. More will be expected of you as an A2  

Suggest keeping a list of comments that keep coming up (formatting, grammar, models etc.) and whenever you complete a piece of work run your eyes over this list and make sure that the work doesn't miss any of these points. If you're plan is 2 and out, you'll be fine

 

Also, to be clear... challenges faced in such a work environment, while attempting to manage ADHD, don't go entirely unnoticed.

(I know/recognize that a few of my people have an especially hard time with it. While it might not change anything significantly, it does at least give a broader understanding of what is going on, and a reason, which can be helpful to all involved).

Investor (30+ years); IB/RE/PE/Corp (MD level); currently, head of boutique private equity firm; principal of family office.
 

Okay. I'm sorry, I was being ignorant - I don't have ADHD so I don't know how it is. 

 

It is even more complicated by the fact that it involves brain chemistry and electrical/synapse issues, and not as straightforward as take a pill and ( ✓ ) all better. Even with medication, it isn't that simple.

I have an old friend who is a neurologist/psychiatrist (double boarded medical doctor), who explained to me that there are several categories of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), including hyperactive and non-hyperavtive (although combined under the ADHD term) and each can be slightly different, and the medication doesn't always precisely address the brain chemistry/electrical synapse issue.

Current medications are merely akin to the best available medication at the moment, as much isn't really understood and the medication isn't specific to target the issue (it works more broadly). That adds to the difficulty.

(Caveat: My phrasing/terminology may not be accurate, as I am summarizing a conversation 10-15 years years ago, and I am not a medical doctor).

He mentioned that in recent years (decades) with so many people jumping to ADHD as a default, and taking medication almost for recreational/convenience purposes; and that now, with so many providers now able to diagnose and prescribe (even when not really trained on specifics, as it used to be limited to Medical Doctor / psychiatrists, but now I think NP, AP, and everyday primary MD physicians, apparently), it has added to the number of ADHD patients.

He noted that among those correctly diagnosed, there are a few variables, and not all the same.

Among the rest, there are many more diagnosed, with a questionable diagnosis.

(Example: A mother wanted him to medicate her 3 year old, because her child "...moves around a lot." Doctor responded, "He's 3 years old, they tend to do that..." lol He mentioned that the number of cases of parents seeking to medicate as an alternative to parenting, only adds to the wide misunderstanding of the ADHD and medication).

In recent decades, children have become accustomed to short attention span, distracted scenarios, and that aspects of modern society even cause/promote that among everyone as well.

My point is that it is widely misunderstood, and the medication impacts brain chemistry, which impacts how you feel, and that the ADHD issue can be far more complex.

He actually mentioned a few alternatives to medication that he (perhaps half-joking) suggested, but I agree that it's a much more complicated issue than most people realize, and that there can be a day/night level trade-off without medication, yet may be otherwise problematic (I know someone who described it as a "zombie effect" if that makes sense).

I don't know if there is anything to this, but... From what I've seen, once someone has been medicated, it tends to be even harder to attempt without medication, thereafter. (Could be for many reasons, however).

Investor (30+ years); IB/RE/PE/Corp (MD level); currently, head of boutique private equity firm; principal of family office.
 

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