Top 10 Ultra-High IQ Reasons Why Finance Sucks

1) The Pay 

Look guys, $500K isn't what is used to be, alright? It's not even in the top .1% of income. Only making it to the top 1.00% of income doesn't mean anything these days. The other 99% of humanity is comprised of unsophisticated, barely-sentient Neanderthal hordes. You're supposed to make more money than them. What really matters is how much you make compared to other people in the top 1.00%. And when you compare IB comp to the comp of reasonably achievable, substitutable, comparable career paths (like being an OnlyFans millionaire, founding Facebook from a dorm room, or patenting a cure for cancer) you just aren't looking at the same type of fire power. 

2) The Prestige

The other day I was on a date with a beautiful, Spanish 10/10 shorty. When I told her I worked for Goldman Sachs, she scoffed at me. "That's pathetic. Everybody knows that the top talent does SWE at FAANG companies these days or goes buy-side straight out of undergrad. Did you even go to a target bro???" And just like that I was sunk. She was right. The mere ability of her to name one or two other careers equally prestigious to IB means that IB itself is not in its own stratosphere of prestige. Not being alone in your own stratosphere of prestige = complete underachiever.

3) You MUST Live in NYC

There are three requirements to be an investment banker. 1) You must pass your exams, 2) You must not insider trade, 3) You must live in the most expensive neighborhood in NYC. Literally zero other option. So think about it bro, if you're making $10M a year, (way less than Elon Musk makes in a month btw), that's a measly $5M after taxes. But seeing as there is no option other than paying $3M a year in rent/mortgage payments so you can live in a luxury high-rise in UWS, you really only have $2M of disposable income. Way less than Zuckerberg makes, disgusting.

So now imagine how little money you have left when you have 7 kids and send them all to the most expensive private school in NYC. At that point you're only saving like $300K a year. Sure this is more than the vast majority of American households make in total gross income, but groceries in NYC are so expensive it's really only the equivalent of saving like $5K a year in a non NYC market. Software Engineers, lawyers and doctors don't have to live in NYC. There are software engineering firms, law firms and doctor's offices outside of NYC. Finance on the other hand, literally doesn't exist outside of NYC. 

4) The Hours

Sure you make a lot of money, but like, you work a lot of hours. So on an hourly basis you don't make a lot of money. Everybody knows that your Income/Hour is a greater indicator of wealth, and what you can afford in life, than is your actual Income. That's why when you apply for a mortgage, the bank doesn't ask you your income and your net worth. They ask you how many hours you worked. The other day I tried to buy a house in the Hamptons for $10M (Way less than what Tom Brady could afford on his NFL salary btw). I told the bank that I make $10M a year and have savings of $50M. The banker laughed at me and was like "Ya right bro, but how many hours did you work for that????" and slammed the door in my face. The house was then purchased by a SWE who makes more money than me. Not in terms of income but in terms of income/hours.    

5) Intellectual Inferiority

Idk what to tell you on this one guys. Structuring $100M - $1B, international M&A or LevFin deals just isn't engaging stuff. It's actually incredibly bland and easy. So easy, that anyone can do it. It's not like it's so competitive to break into and analytically challenging that there are entire forums, with hundreds of thousands or users, dedicated to helping people break into the industry. What do you expect me to believe next? The interviews alone are challenging enough that people are purchasing $200 text books to study for them? Get real, this is ABC type stuff. A monkey could do it. We're not talking about the type of Michael Angelo level thoughtfulness that designing a website layout or prescribing pills takes.