Top 10 Ways to Avoid Work from Your Staffer as an Investment Banking Analyst
10. Send you phone straight to Voicemail so that you can screen your calls
9. Pay your assistant so she screens your calls and says you are in a meeting -- pay her bonus to make her comment how stressed you look and how hectic your week has been
8. If you leave the office by 9pm, save an e-mail that is not urgent, set your alarm for 4am, wake up, log onto the server using remote access and send the e-mail to your team. Bonus points if you can justifiably cc your staffer.
7. Leave at least 10 empty red bulls on your desk at all times
6. Have a pillow and/or sleeping bag visible in your cube
5. When one of your associates / VPs asks for a deliverable, tell them you have "no bandwidth" since you have X, Y and Z due as well and you will try to stay all night to finish it...but you need them to let the staffer know that you are tapped out.
4. At 5pm on Friday, make sure you are away from your desk in a meeting or taking part in a "fire drill" already
3. Never let the staffer know when a project is complete
2. Don't get caught going for coffee and/or lunch breaks. Eat franticly at your desk -- especially if they are around and can see you.
1. If the staffer does get you on the phone (mistake #1), make sure you have a huge laundry list of tasks ready. Preferably, they are urgent and you are just starting on most of them (even if you are almost done with some/most of them). Proceed with the following,
"I'd be happy to take on this additional project, I just won't be able to start on it for about 72 hours because of a,b, c and x, y and z. If you want me to move that ahead of [insert name of big hitter MD]'s work just let me know."
....any I missed or variations on the above that any of you found helpful? thanks.
All I took away from this is:
I will provide some averages/insight to provide some perspective. Avg. Hours/week: 80 Avg. Weeks/year: 50 *2 weeks off for vacation, holidays, etc Avg. Hours per Year: 4,000
Base Salary: $80k Bonus: 60k All-In: $140k
On average, you're making $35 an hour. Of course, hours and pay can fluctuate. Let's say your hours average 90/week and your bonus was only 40k, well then that is $26,67 an hour.
If you want a paycheck without the sacrifice then play the lottery. Or, look at middle-office operations on the buy side, you'll still be paid about 35/hr with a much better work/life balance.
P.S. I hope that I am never your boss.