johnsmith994

Is this true? What about in New York

bump--I haven't heard of anyone in NYC having heard anything.. everyone is waiting for more details

 

Works at Credit Suisse

I really do not believe this is true 

I don't get anything by posting this. I'm just pissed at all those who received offers but didn't bother to tell all the other juniors who have been living like hell in the past few weeks

If you really work at CS, I suggest asking around about this. I'm sure at least some of your colleagues have heard too

I did no one knows anything my man

 

I asked around and literally heard nothing about this 

 

Do you think UBS is going to indicate which groups they want in the Q1 earnings report?

 

I think so--everyone is waiting for q1 results to get more info

 

1. I agree wholeheartedly

2. I would also pay $1,079.99 to watch CS and UBS first year analysts resolve matters in a no disqualification royal rumble

3. I'm almost certain OP is making up shit to sow chaos among a bunch of kids that are already on edge. I find it inconceivable that UBS is already in position to make offers to specific CS juniors. I can't think of a lower priority on the integration list.

 
  1. & 2.😂; I feel like screenshoting the talk about Royal Rumble, but I have no idea how cringe-worthy it'll turn out to be 3. Wow
 

banananizer

Would love to see a bunch of borderline useless MBA associates like yourself duke it out over who gets to give the most unreasonable, littlest value-add formatting comments on marketing books

Would love to see this too. Imagine seniors comparing MBA associate stats:

Emily Thomson, C&R

  • BA, Communications at Swarthmore
  • Pre-MBA experience: Strategic Marketing at L’Oreal
  • MBA at NYU
  • 139 color change comments per book
  • 20.8 jargons per meeting
  • 7 overseas vacations in 18 months
  • 0.2 excels touched per month
  • 37th in line for the British crown
  • Averages 42.8 synonym comments per turn
  • Averages 4.7 analysts thrown under the bus per month (92nd percentile)

Vs.

Jake Silverman, TMT

  • BA in Film Studies at USC (6.5 years to graduate)
  • Father is a music industry executive, mother is a former Hollywood actress
  • Pre-MBA experience: Event Promotion and Organization at the Fyre Festival
  • MBA at USC
  • Averages 19.7 minutes of weekend work
  • Averages 169 minutes of weekend story recount every Monday
  • Successfully delegated 97.6% of work as a stub associate (98th percentile)
  • Successfully took credit for 91.5% of analyst work (95th percentile)
  • Averages 17.9 names dropped per client meeting
  • Average log-off time: 5:48pm (99th percentile)
 

it is for sure referring to current analysts--incomings are the least of the problem right now. they can have them adjust to any role within the new firm, and they're the least expensive when it comes to layoffs and expenses.

 

Maybe it’s because I have no horse in this race, but this thread is obviously a troll. 

 
Most Helpful

UBS and credit suisse are competitors. The deal hasn’t closed yet. UBS needs to diligence sensitive info on pricing, customers, etc. Credit Suisse is afraid that UBS could use this to wreck them if the deal falls through.

Also antitrust regulators don’t want the two biggest Swiss banks using this data to fix prices 

One solution is to pick people that aren’t involved in sales and marketing and make them the “clean team”. They’re the only ones that can see the most sensitive info. this is common in strategic deals

 

It's true guys, there is an elite undercurrent of CS Analysts getting paid millions to do coke and grab at strippers with the UBS MDs. Only the chillest of the chill have received offers. If you haven't heard anything yet it's because you're an exile on mainstreet, your coworkers are colluding against you and I suggest holding your coworkers at knife point until you figure out whether or not they're one of the backstabbing elite that has been conspiring against you. 

"Hope this helps" lmfao. NGL, dropping that bar after your absolute troll of a post was funny af. 

 

It's true guys, there is an elite undercurrent of CS Analysts getting paid millions to do coke and grab at strippers with the UBS MDs. Only the chillest of the chill have received offers. If you haven't heard anything yet it's because you're an exile on mainstreet, your coworkers are colluding against you and I suggest holding your coworkers at knife point until you figure out whether or not they're one of the backstabbing elite that has been conspiring against you. 

"Hope this helps" lmfao. NGL, dropping that bar after your absolute troll of a post was funny af. 

I'm sorry you're in S&T. Try harder

 

No. My bank (not UBS) and CS were co-advisors on two deals and worked with the same associate on both (guy has top-notch skills and will probably end up being a career banker) and we tried to poach him given CS / UBS debacle. He turned it down and wants to see the merger through and has been in communication with senior bankers (not sure if CS or UBS bankers). I'm assuming they are gonna pay the guy and try to keep him.

 

Curious about what coverage group the associate is in. Or is it just the m&a team?

 

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