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Career Resources
ask hr pleb
HR in very simple terms has 3 main tasks:
If you are an employee (or intern), they can’t look at you for #1, so all they can do is retain you or fire you... so basically, best case scenario, you keep your job. Worst case, you lose it.
bruh you forgot the most important HR task
protect the company from HR related issues / lawsuits
that's the biggest reason they are not your friend. they are there to protect the company FROM you.
Nice try HR. I will never be your friend.
I'll start by mentioning what everyone else is ignoring which is that HR does do some good stuff. HR is usually in charge of handling the paper work for our benefits. It was HR who coordinated the arrival of my health insurance card. It is HR who coordinates whenever I want to exercise any of the more particular benefits I get.
With that in mind, HR is not your friend. HR is really there to protect the company and sometimes that means fucking over employees. At least in my case I've seen HR "investigate" harassment claims against my colleagues and superiors for completely BS reasons and if you are a top performer trust me that having the spectre of suddenly losing your career could be what makes you finally break. And here it is doubly horrible because if you know you are innocent (as it gladly was in the cases I'm speaking about), you also know that if someone in your company can be easily tricked it is HR. HR people are not retired quants who just wanted to have an easier lifestyle and better work-life balance. HR are the people who struggled in college algebra and to this day don't really understand it. So even if you are the most innocent person in the world there is no way you can just ignore the claims and be certain that the outcome will be positive in the end.
Think about why Michael hated Toby
The question is who wouldn’t want to be friends with an egocentric, power playing, patronising, and manipulative buddy who promotes diversity, inclusion, and engaging activities filled with fun workshops and end of year Christmas parties.
literally the hottest milf at my bank is in hr and i want to be so much more than her friend
[sing this to Biz Markie's "Just a Friend"]
Have you ever met a MILF that you tried to date,
But she's in HR, that department that we hate?
Let me tell ya a story of my situation,
I first met this fly chick at our firm orientation.
I just got in the office, drippin', pourin' with sweat,
I walked into the conference room and guess who I met.
I asked her her name, she said, "Blah, blah, blah"
She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra.
I sent a few emails and she was enthused.
I said, "How do you like my style?" She said, "I am very amused."
I started throwin' bass,
she started throwin' back mid range,
But when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange.
Then when I asked, "Do you like me?" she tried to pretend.
She said, "No, I don't, I see you as a friend".
Come on
I'm not even goin' for it.
This is what I'm goin' sing
[chorus]
You. You got what I need
But HR is not your friend.
HR is not your friend.
Oh baby, you. You got what I need.
But HR is not your friend.
I want to be more than just your friend.
[/chorus]
Someone is on unemployment. I think you should move to Hollywoo
To whit he might have wanted to offer, "Let's assume you're right. That perhaps you've found a college student who in his sophmore year had some youthful indiscretions. And now you want to fire him, because 'he's a risk.' What might your end game for that 'risky person' be? Is it more risky to have this hard working beaver at his desk, delivering great work and keeping super busy? or is it better to upset this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho who might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite #AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers? This might be someone you've known for months. Someone very, very close to you. Or maybe, maybe you just shouldn't take your pencil pushing job so seriously. Now I have work to do, so I'm going back to my desk, and getting back to being busy. I'm so glad we had this talk."
You remember those little girls from 3rd grade that were the teacher's pet, snitched on you for everything, and basically sucked all the fun out of the playground? Those little girls grew up into Human Resource Managers.