would you mind Critiquing my cold email?

Hey guys, trying to send an email to an associate at a PE firm that i really bonded with during a career fair and was wondering if this email was maybe too informal? Any other critique is gladly welcomed

SUBJECT: "X" Student from the "X" Fair Dear Mr. X, My name is X, and I'm currently a sophomore at X University majoring in Finance. If by any chance you recall, we had a lengthy conversation regarding the strategies of X Capital, your recent investment in X and about your role at your current firm. If you have the time, I'd love to grab a coffee to follow up on our last discussion and gain some career pointers.

Best Regards,

1 Comments
 

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