all the right ingredients, yet striking completely out.
hey all, im at top bschool, (one that is consistently ranked top 5). I secured an internship, but ive been emailing companies throughout the year consistently. If it were not for on campus recruiting i wouldnt have a job this summer because out of 30 emails that ive sent out, ive gotten literally 3 replies. can I get your opinion on my inquiry?
Mr. XXX,
My name is Peter Pan, I obtained this email from the XXX web site as the contact email regarding information at XXX. I had a few questions regarding XXX's business practices in the region XYZ I was hoping you would be able to answer.
Briefly about me, I graduated from XX a top non-oxbridge university in the uk XX in 2007 with a degree in Chemical Engineering before relocating to the United States to begin work at XXX, my area of focus has been on the proposal, development and financing of new energy projects (Solar, Nuclear, Conventional), as well as the optimization of existing ones for turnaround, both locally and internationally. Currently, I am a first year student at XX top 5 bschool XX completing a joint MBA/MPP degree .
Upon graduation I seek to continue my career within this field focusing on project finance and project development-particularly geared towards the emerging markets. Consequently, I would love to know more about the scope of XXX's work in these markets, such as regions and divisions of focus and the implementation of p3’s . Additionally, I would love to know more about professional opportunities within this region, and the possible entry points.
I would very much appreciate the opportunity to discuss with you these topics further, on the phone or otherwise, at your convenience.
Very best regards,
Peter Pan
Maybe because your name's Peter Pan?
Seriously though, e-mail content seems fine, but perhaps a little (maybe a lot) too long. Try cutting it down and being more direct. You could be in a worse position though, top 5 bschool with a solid internship puts you in a better spot than most.
Thanks a ton though!
shape it nicer
I would I would I would I would?
So I don't have any tips for you since I'm still an undergrad myself, but would you mind I pm-ed you about your experiences in the energy industry?
I agree that length is one of the biggest issues, just gotta cut it down.
Thats way too long...people are either gonna want to help you or they're not. Writing three paragraphs wont change it. Your background is solid. Condense it down to the highlights and you should be good
thanks all!
only 30 emails? I have sent hundreds...but i am a nontarget w/o ocr
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