1st year in IBD. Graduated a year early. I have no friends in NYC. How to make friends after college?
No friends is a slight exaggeration but basically I have almost no friends in NYC. I graduated a year early from college and all of my incoming NYC friends are still in school, and all of my older friends from college are in different cities, so I’m friendless for a year. I feel so lonely and depressed here when im not at work. My analyst class all come from schools with big NYC presences so they all tend to hang out with their own friends outside of work and it would be very awkward for me to try to hang with them. We do things together as a group maybe once every 2-4 weeks but that’s a big step down for me personally on a social level when in college I was going out 2-4 nights a week. I just find myself bored and depressed on the weekends with nothing to do. I have never been great at making friends, but I am certainly not antisocial. It was just a lot easier in college because you’d go to a hangout or party and your friend would introduce you to more people and your “network” would naturally just grow. I’ve never been the person who cultivated the network and organized stuff, I just tagged along and it grew on its own from me just being there. But now, I have no one to lean on to organize social activities. I can’t just go to bars alone because im not extroverted enough to make friends like that. I simply don’t know what to do. Save me WSO.
Your IB coworker peers from your graduating class
In no particular order...
Athletic interests - workout class, padel/pickleball, tennis etc. You're not going to make friends from day 1 but if you show up enough times and talk to people you'll start making friends
Dating apps, if that's your thing - keeps you busy and meeting people, and who knows you might meet someone great
Try to actually get to know your friends of friends, such that you can be friends with them too
Hit up old acquaintances from college/HS that might be in the city
Probably harder as a banking analyst, but there all kinds of young professional meetups
Have been going through a similar situation. When I graduated in 2021, I went to a city with virtually no alumni representation. Thankfully, I ended up making amazing friends in that city who I am still close with after leaving. The city left something to be desired so I transferred to NYC. I love NYC but I have less friends here — a bunch of “connections” from college but none that I’m super close with. Some from high school as well, but again it’s been a while since we were really close.
Given this is my second go at making new friends in a new city, this is my advice:
1) You first need to be open to making new friends. This sounds obvious, but in my experience you kind of have to get in the mindset of being open to making friends with people who you normally wouldn’t be as open to.
2) Take any and all opportunities to get out and do things with people. No matter who they are. In the beginning this will likely be coworkers, as this is your most consistent form of human interaction. Go to happy hours, be friendly with your coworkers, and feel out who you’d enjoy grabbing a beer with or going to lunch with. Then make an effort to connect with these people naturally as you work with and around them. I’m sure joining groups that pursue the same hobbies as you can be good too. Run clubs, pickleball leagues, etc. Be likable and don’t force things. You have to be patient.
3) As you go out and do things with people, seize the opportunity to meet more new people. It’s much easier to make new friends when you’re within a group setting, so I’ve found these are the best times to really expand your circle. Focus again on making at least a good impression and perhaps a connection that will snowball into spending more time together in the future.
4) Be assertive. You have nothing to lose. Humans are social animals and we all need friends. Most everyone is inclined to expand their social circle when they find someone they genuinely enjoy spending time with. So be genuine and likable, and don’t hesitate to ask people who you enjoy to do things with you. In the beginning, it can be as simple as coffee or lunch. Then as you get closer, you’ll find you naturally start looping each other into your weekend plans, etc.
5) Again, be patient. Relationships take time to develop and you can’t expect to make new friends to hang out with in the first few weeks or even months being in a new city. It might be 6 months or more before you have a regular social circle. But give it time and be friendly and you will find people.
Good luck! There are lots of people in your same boat, who feel equally as anxious. It all works out in time.
When I see threads like this my mind goes to repetition is key. Ask someone or a few people on your floor if they want to grab a drink after work. It can still happen in NYC and several other cities, even if you just go at 1am, if you are in IB. We used to have people say fuck it and come back to close out pres tech and send out docs (does that still exist?). There are plenty of other people looking to blow off steam, and in my IB experience it was easy to find a few towards midnight.
I had a couple of good friends when I moved to NYC right after college, but we all worked a lot and had different schedules. I found it easy to just round up a couple of people at quitting time and grab a couple of drinks. After 2 or 3 times it starts to become a when we doing it again kind of thing. I also found that other people would try to glom on…be careful that it doesn’t turn into a semi-official work event.
Aw man, reminding and reminiscing of just a couple months ago. Good luck champ champ.
Always helps to be comfortable doing things solo. Invite people to something you want to do but make sure you’re fine doing it by yourself. Best case you get a good hangout going, people invite friends of friends and the network expands. Worst case you wanted to do it anyway and you have fun.
It’s a very social city. I knew only a handful of people when I moved here and it naturally branched out over time. Really helps to default to yes instead of no and also be a bit of a social instigator. Throw a good restaurant in the group chat, send a link for tickets when you’re going to a show, check out seasonal or ‘touristy’ things and invite your friends. Won’t happen overnight but I’m sure by the time your friends move to the city you’ll already have a good social calendar.
Reach out to old friends/acquaintances from high school or college. Dating also helps (i.e. getting a girlfriend means hanging out with her friends who might be seeing guys, you all go out together, etc.). Also kinda helps filter for the sort of people who are a good fit for you.
Assuming you are a guy, something I read stated a lot of the perceptions about guys making friends is a bit off. It's generally believed simply socializing and hanging out leads to making friends, and while it can be true, it's not the best way for guys to make true friends. It was recommended that to find a goal/common cause to work towards.
The rationale was that guys get to know each other best when put into the trenches together. An example would be going off to war and being buddies with the soldiers in your platoon. There might be people from all walks of life: an Iowa farm boy, a working class Italian American from NYC, and a suburban kid who was the star QB in high school. Very different people who normally wouldn't cross paths, let alone hang out together, but they become life long friends after their war experience.
The suggestion given was to pick a certification/interest that you can work toward in a group setting (e.g. a group class). Ideas such as: getting a helicopter/plane pilot license, volunteer firefighter, motorcycle endorement, sailing certifications, etc. Even more mundane things like a CFA, tax certification, or cooking class were mentioned.
Was in the same situation. Try hanging out with your analyst class and any other alum in the city. Then wait until next year for more of your friends to graduate. Also would get on dating apps, doesn’t have to be for hookups. Lots of people just looking for friends
Go to a regular restaurant and bar in NYC and at first you will make friends with the staff. It's good to have a regular place in NYC where you are known and tip well. Eventually over time you will meet interesting people, it's inevitable in NYC. But, good to have the staff have your back.
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